S2*

Everybody Having A Good Time?

2011-11-28T21:09:00.001-06:00

Hey All!

GREAT NEWS: I was fortunate enough to get to Mass on Sunday! :D

BAD NEWS: It wasn't the EF. :(

DEPRESSING NEWS: I heard from three different people the sermon by the Extaordinary priest included death. :'(

WHY IT'S DEPRESSING NEWS: I wanted a sermon with death! >:(

RATIONALIZING NEWS: Ah well, at least I was able to get to Mass....and assist with the new prayers, both for which I am VERY thankful. ......Not all like the new translation, but, many do (ehehehehehehe, see what I did there...) :P

COMPENSATIONALIST NEWS: I already know that for the next four weeks that the entire Catholic Church will be praying for the end of the world during Advent, so I got that going for me. :D

GOOD NEWS: One of the reasons I wanted to go to Mass at St. Joseph's was to take pictures of the Stations of the Cross in the nave. I was HOPING to go to the Vigil Mass on Saturday so I could still attend the EF on Sunday (DEATH!!!!!!!), but, I will accept it as God's Will that it was better I go on Sunday...for the lighting.

IN OTHER NEWS: I asked the St. Joseph's pastor after Mass if he ever thought about offering the Mass in Latin. I asked him this because, I don't know how, but, somehow, this church survived the changes of the Spirit of Vatican II; it is very condusive to the Latin Mass.

As one will see from the pictures below, not all the pictures were taken on the same day. A few were taken when I first moved here, most were taken on 11/27/11. There have been changes to the church over the years. I remember when I was younger that the back wall, behind the altar was painted blue with gold stars. It has since been whitewashed.

First and foremost, NO, your eyes do not deceive you! That IS an altar rail in the foreground!! ...It's not used, of course... That would render the Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion out of the sanctuary. We must keep the EMHC positions safe within the sanctuary. Kneeling down is a step backwards.

Second, in both the picture above and the picture below, one will notice that there is a door behind Mary's side (the Gospel Side) of the church. One may even notice that there are two lights, a green light and a red light. This is the Reconcilliation Room. If one is in the nave, one has to go up into the sanctuary to get to the RR. There IS the option of a grille or face to face in that room (so, they do follow the rules). Again, if one is in the sanctuary, one has to go beyond the Tabernacle to get to the RR. I mention this for a reason.

Nobody notice that St. Patrick & St. Anthony switched sides. They just wanted to see if anybody was paying attention. Just ignore it and they'll switch back.

Sacred Heart of Jesus. With Stigmata. In the Orans position. Would probably be more effective if not everybody in the parish prays the Our Father this way.

Oh look, it's The Last Supper. I cannot think of a more appropriate relief on an altar for the Holy Sacrifice of the Ma...

AHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH OH MY JESUS, HAVE MERCY ON US!!!! MARY, QUEEN OF ANGELS, HELP US!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!

This is the relief on the front of the altar on the wall. I happened to notice it one day when coming out of Confession. I was VERY surprised (pleasantly surprised, but then a little disheartened because is obscured by the free-standing altar) to see it here. There is nothing that would encapsulate the Faith more perfectly than this just below the altar, just below the Tabernacle, just below the Sacred Heart of Jesus. One will note the gold flames contrasted against the black background, separated by the wall of roses. Perfect. One sees it, one sees Catholicism beautifully. One sees this, one almost doesn't have to hear a sermon about death. ...Not hearing about death is killing me. :(

The first third of it in detail. Agony and petition and shame. I don't know if we are supposed to imagine the Precious Blood from the Chalice that the angel is holding to lessen the flames or if the Chalice is empty for a reason.

More petitioning. LOTS more petitioning. Nothing BUT petitioning. One may note that Our Lady is holding a Cross. Seriously, look at this third of the picture -- everybody except one is looking at Her, but, he is looking longingly at relief from an angel. All others are begging for Our Lady's intercession. DESPERATELY begging.

Right third. More naked and exposed petitioning! Except the guy on the right. He's looking non-plussed with his whole purgation process. Apparently Rodin's masterpiece wanted in on the purifying flames. (Do the flames burn away the black that covers them? Are they supposed to be cleaner the more exposed they are? If so, the guy in the tunic just got there; the guy mooning us is nearer to Heaven.)

Back to The Last Supper. Okay, so, Judas is the one leaving, right? I mean, that IS Judas, he is wearing black, he's not facing Jesus, he has red hair...JUDAS! But, if THAT is Judas, who is Jesus feeding? Is that John? But, if THAT'S John, then who is leaning on Jesus? I thought John leaned on Jesus. But, that CAN'T be John leaning on Jesus because John didn't have a beard at this point. The Disciple Jesus is feeding doesn't have a beard, that MUST be John. And, hey, there's another guy not looking at Jesus! And another! But, their heads are tilted towards Him. So, is it Peter leaning on Jesus? ...Wouldn't Peter be the older guy with the white hair? The full head of white hair? Wait, no, Mabye St. Peter is the one standing next to St. John because St. Peter asked St. John to ask Jesus something during the Last Supper, ergo, St. Peter has to be by St. John....unless some got up and moved about a bit during this Passover Feast. And who is the guy who's kneeling and next to St. Jude? Well of COURSE that's St. Jude!!! He looks JUST LIKE Jesus!!! Well, at least Jesus is giving Communion on the tongue.

Wait, what? Oh.

"We lift them up to the Lord."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHH (See? No ambiguity. I know what I'm supposed to be thinking when I see this) AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................

Oh, look at that, Jesus is sharing! See, it's because we are at the Lamb's Table when we go up to receive the Lord in our hearts in the Eucharist! ...But, seriously, what's up with the visble background? Wasn't this happening in the evening? *squints* Is that....IS THAT LEAVENED BREAD?!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sob*

The message of the first one is, "And also with you."

The message of the second one is, "And with thy spirit."

I don't know how this managed to stay. Maybe nobody noticed the non-English. It is still, as one can see from the above pictures, front and center. I was going to make fun of that fact, but, then I remembered churches in IL that I have been to where the Tabernacle is off to the side and there is almost a blank back wall. I am so very happy that is NOT the case here. I almost wish this was my parish for the aesthetics. I hope the Viewer/Reader opens this to a larger picture and sees how intricately detailed it is. This is where God SHOULD be housed! Not some wooden and glass box with an abstract plus-sign. Gold, with adoring angels. This is what the laity NEEDS to see.

Crucifix at the front of the church. There is a life-sized one off to the Gospel side, in the north transept (if I'm labeling that part correctly), but, I didn't take a picture of it.

And, yep! That's an altar lamp! Red and everything!

Oh yeah, have I mentioned, this church is shaped like a cross?

View from the sanctuary. It's not shaped like a space ship or nothing! There's NO WAY to have Mass in the round! And look, there's a chior loft! And it's actually used by a chior! And stained glass windows!!! ...I'm beginning to think this may not be a Catholic church....

Our Lady of Mount Carmel.

And speaking of Our Lady...

These are done in fairly large reliefs throughout the church. The reason they are my favourite of all the Stations of the Cross I have ever seen is because the background, the sky itself becomes darker and darker.

St. Mary Alocoque and the Sacred Heart. As one exits the church, this is on one's left.

Annuniciation. In the crying room.

I'm guessing Magdalene is the one with her face covered in the following.

In detail:

Wait for it.....

Look at the background of the First Station and then look at this. They are inside a tomb after sun-set and it is so dark, it needs to be illuminated by torch. One can, if one opens this bigger, see the Cross and St. Dismas' cross outside. Look at the delicately tender and lovingly way the three place Christ in the sheet. The one woman guides his body and The Beloved Disciple cradles his hand and holds the sheet so as not to let the body simply fall back on to the hard stone. The Torch Bearer cradles and comforts Our Lady. And the Stigmatazed Hand is visible for all to see.

If ONLY there could have been a sermon to match this!

No, no, I'm fine. I'm over it....

And so, this is the church I have via a 5 minute drive, a 20 minute walk, but, because the way the Mass is said, I don't want to go there.

I also do not want any neo post modern abstract pieces influencing feng shui placements creeping their way into this church.

And, to answer the question, yes, the pastor has thought about offering the Mass in Latin, but, not any time soon, as he has to get used to the prayers the new way.

Today's counsel brought to me by....

2011-09-11T22:40:00.002-05:00

.....

"Adjure contra."

*pause*

"What?"

"Adjure contra."

"What does it mean?"

"Say it."

"Adjure contra."

"Very good. It means 'working against'."

He then goes on to tell me about working against my base passions. He includes St. Paul's mentioning he does things he does not want to do. He tells me to work against my base passions which are a brat, "and nobody likes living with a little brat."

He also tells me to, when I am done with my work ... to ask my boss if there is any other work that I can do.

I laugh bitterly and angrily BECAUSE MY SOUL KNOWS HE'S RIGHT AND I HAVE NO WAY TO ARGUE OR MAKE EXCUSES OR NEGOTIATE IN ANYWAY. "Thank you, Father."

.........

"For your penance, say 7 'Glory Be's' for the 7 Dolors."

*squeaked*"Yes, Father!"

Now do your best to make a good Act of Contrition.

"Oh my God, I am heartily sorry[.....]and to amend my life. Amen."

"Alright, go in peace."

"Thank you, Father!"

"You're welcome."

He is least like himself in this Sacrament. He is flawed, but, he is very holy, forgiving, disciplined, human, and saintly. I don't want to say he doesn't take this life seriously, because, clearly he does, otherwise he'd not be in his vocation, but, he does have a sense of humour, especially about himself.

My God, I am heartily sorry for having ever complained about him.

[this post is from months ago, but, I don't know when the date was]

I and the Father are one

2011-09-10T16:40:00.002-05:00

I don't remember which Mass it was last week, but, it happened again yesterday.

Typically when the priest holds up the Host for the People's Communion during the "Domine non sum dignus" part, it is typically done in a manner that the Host is visibly seen and I can differentiate it against the backdrop of either the bricks or the color of the chasuble; I want to be able to see Him, but, not last night and not last week. At either the Friday or Saturday Mass last week and the Friday Mass last night, Father held up Jesus and he wsa in front of the white part (which was pretty substantial) of the chasuble. I just thought how perfect that was and so I thought I'd share.

"What's a matter Colonel Sanders? Chicken?"

2011-09-05T20:04:00.001-05:00

Father Augustine Tolton was the first black priest in America. There is a story about him that I read (but which I cannot now find reference) that when he was in Rome, studying, the day (night) before his ordination he was told, 'America is supposed to be a tolerant country, let's see if it lives up to that image.' He was told this because he was studying African languages so he could be a priest in Africa, BUT, at the last minute, THE VERY LAST MINUTE, he was told otherwise. After years of learning languages and with the belief he would be going to Africa, he was instead told that he would be going back to his home country.

He was needed more in the United States.

I had read this story a few months back and I know that Bishops, the Vatican...I'm not really sure who, but, the superiors of a priest, can, at any time, transfer a priest. I also know that priests are transferred for the real reason of not getting too attached to any one priest or his personality; the priest doesn't matter but priest matters. It doesn't matter who is the celebrant offering the Sacrifice because they are all in persona Christi. It doesn't matter who is there because He is there.

Priests are transferred so that we can be reminded of this.

It didn't work this time.

August 4, 2011, 1900, 2000, 2100...something, I'm not sure when, but, I was eating dinner and watching TV. My iPhone rang and it wasn't the default ring tone.
It was Father McCambridge calling.

I think I wanted to talk to him anyway, so, it was odd that he was calling me, but, it's not the first time I wanted to communicate with him and that happened.

Unfortunately, the news wasn't what I wanted to hear. He told me he was being transferred; his superior wanted him to report to the new place (he couldn't tell me where because three priests were being transferred, all were to break the news on the upcoming Sunday, that way nobody of one parish could call a friend at another parish and start talking about it) by next Thursday (one week from whence he called). That Sunday was to be his last Sunday there as Assistant Pastor.

The thing is, he was asking his parishioners to pray for a special intention. I don't think I particularly did initially, but, when he asked it of penitents in the confessional, I began fervently praying for his special intention, asking God that whatever it is, He grant it.
The last Friday he was there, after Mass, outside, I walked up to him and asked him, "So your special intention was that you would stay?" (I think he told me this the night before in the conversation.) "No, my special intention was God's Will be done. BUT, I suggested to him that I would like to stay." "You should have suggested a little harder." He didn't look like he appreciated that comment.

So, no wonder he got transferred, he was asking that we pray God's Will be done and I was praying that God grant him the special intention whatever it is. (Yes, I realize, it's not all on me; he had an entire congregation (at least!) praying for him.)

I also remember that Friday because Father Van der Putten was also there, outside (it was the first Friday both priests were there since Good Friday). He was talking to a circle of about 8 and saw me and said hi and asked how I was doing. "I'd be much better if Father McCambridge was staying." "I think that goes for all of us." Indeed! Poor Father Van der Putten! He has the weight of the parish to support now. No priest to help.

I am fortunate he called me. He said he did that because he didn't want the first time to hear it to be from the pulpit. I think I was one of the last called on his list. He said that he was calling the husbands to let their families know, and I think he already called an older woman of the parish with whom he may be fairly close.

He did mention how he was going to be a Rector, not a Pastor, because, technically, he was going to be the head of a chapel. I looked online and saw that there were two places where "Rector" was the title: Nebraska and a school in Pennsylvania. I was hoping for NE but, could see him as the head of the school in PA.
So, Sunday 8/7/11, he mentions he has one other announcement, he was being transferred to Nebraska.

I felt better. Nebraska is drivable.
He also mentioned how he was going to be sad, but, he was sad when he was told he had to leave NJ, but, if he didn't come to Tulsa, he would have never been happy in Tulsa. He was sad that he had to leave, but, he knew it wasn't the end, and he knew that it was God's Will he leaves.

The last thing he mentioned in his sermon (he was hyping and encouraged us to take a copy of St. Alphonsus de Liguori's "Uniformity With God's Will"), was, "Love the good God" (I think the entire quote, from a saint, was, "And so my children, love the good God."
He took a minute to compose himself, and his voice was higher if it didn't break when he said, "In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost." The, "Amen," was not audible.

[Updated 12/3/11: He puts the maniple back on and continues the Mass. He is not distraught or distressed as he performs the Sacrifice. There is no mingling the Mass with the interruption of the Mass. He says the Mass of the Faithful like he has said every other Mass.]

Afterwards there was his Going Away Party, and, I tried to thank him for everything before he went in (and in true fashion, I was looking down, trying to remember everything), but, Father Van der Putten said he was needed in the CCD building.

I stayed (though I initially had no intention to do so, as a matter of fact, I wanted to thank him before his party started so I could leave right away, but, that wasn't in God's Will....and who am I to argue with God's Will?).

I really didn't mingle during the celebration, as a matter of fact, I remained hidden in the kitchen and the back during most of it (I also met a wonderful seminarian, Joshua Curtis, I think was his name, in his 4th year of seminary, and, so much like a good priest already!). There is a funny man there who apparently makes the coffee every week, and he was commenting about how he wasn't used to this many people in his kitchen. Too bad I don't remember Funny Man's name.

When it was time to go, as much was said, and, I mentioned to him that I'm going to mention the words he hates the most: Father, you're going to get an e-mail.

"Aaaargh!," he played along.

"You know it's going to be long and detailed."

"I know."

:)

My Father knows me.

I remember being inside one CCD room when he was right outside and picked up a box from off the table. I sheepishly asked for a hug.

He put the box down and we hugged.

It was....unremarkable. I don't remember at all what it felt like. He clearly wasn't as bony as I might have thought, or, maybe he is, his clothes just cover that fact well.

The next thing I remember is we were outside, in front of the building, and I was standing just off to the left of Father, who was to the left of the door with his back to St. Augustine's talking to two other men. He invited me to come into the shade (I kinda didn't know if I should be that close to them), and I was listening to that conversation. The man directly in front of him said he wanted one final blessing from him before he left.

And Father McCambridge obliged and gave the two men and I one final blessing.

Father McCambridge offered his hand to help me up, but, there was a pillar I used to get up, instead. I don't want to be dependant on Father, but, I failed miserably with that.

Also at his Farewell Party, which, by the way, started at approximately 1030...and there was beer, he stated to a group that he was supposed to be in Tulsa for another year, and his superior thought he could do that for him, but, as it turns out, he was transferred.

The thing is, as far as not growing attached, it didn't take that long. I had only been talking to him, for ten months....and he had only been at the parish for 13 at this time.

I remember talking to him on the grass by the CCD building, and, the seminarian was trying to call him away, but, Father gave him a box to take to the car (all three of them were taking Father VdP's car, I think). I don't remember how we got to this point, but, I mentioned that I thought he wouldn't be sad of the transfer because he would have a new parish and serve new people (or something like that). "Priest's aren't robot's (Attia)."

No, apparently not. Priests are human, and thus, sinners.

But, they have God on their side, and they teach us we have God on our side. And, if God is for us, who can be against us?

(Incidentally, one will note, I did not at any point during this final Sunday, sob hysterically and clutch Father McCambridge's ankle with the grip of death....I think that was pretty stoic of me.)

And again, my priest...

2011-02-27T21:51:00.002-06:00

Fr. VdP said something during the interruption of Mass today that occured to me less than 30 minutes ago.

Some bloke may be dying. The one particular man he was talking about had two(?) blood clots in his lungs. They were in his legs, he was given blood thinners and they traveled to his lungs. He could die if they reach his heart.

We were asked to keep him in our prayers.

But, Fr. VdP began this with something like, "*So & So is in the hospital, I gave him the Sacraments early this morning..."

EARLY THIS MORNING is what just recently dawned on me. He was celebrating the 0830 Mass (and the 1300 one, since Fr. Mc is away this week), and so, "Early this morning" was EARLY this morning. I don't know what time he wakes up, but, he has to get ready for the day and say his prayers and all that, plus, I'm guessing, says extra prayers and such because it is Sunday, BUT, he was called/asked to administer to this dying (possibly) soul. And he did. He got up, drove to the hospital, and took care of God's child.

That's true service, that is charity, that is vocation, right there.

But, the thing is, he COULDN'T go home and sleep, no, he had Mass, and, he had another one later, and, he was just as vibrant as ever during the Homily and all throughout the actual Mass he was manipled to. After Mass, he was outside talking with the parishoners.

These men are really called to be no less than Jesus.

May God grant them abundant graces to be like Him.

It really always amazes me how much Frs. VdP & Mc put themselves out. ...God is not going to accept any excuse from me for my laziness. May God have mercy on me.

God bless my priests!

And we're back!

2011-02-27T20:00:00.003-06:00

To our regularly scheduled postings....who knew that a blog dedicated to The Sacred Heart and Our Lady would turn into "I LOVE MY PRIESTS!!!!"? ;)

Anyway, I found out recently, through happenstance clicking around on the Internet, why a priest wears what he does. At least, what he wears what he SHOULD.

~MY~ Father's wear them, and, it makes a difference. I wish all priests would wear these, for their benefit and for ours.

Three Things:

1. Roman Collar.
----Like a dog has a collar, so do these men. It shows that they MUST be obedient to Rome (i.e., the Pope/the Church). They are bound to Her teachings.

2. The Cassock.
----Black. To show that they are dead to the world. Neck-to wrists-to ankles. Modesty. Some have 33 buttons down the front, one for each year of Christ's life.

3. The Cinture.
----The wide belt around the priest's waist. It represents/symbolizes chastity.*

Every morning, traditional priests get up, say their prayers and get dressed (in that order?), and remind themselves and the world (for indeed, the reason priests dress apart is to show the world they ARE set apart, and, in theory, that anybody can see who they are and if they need to get to confession, if they cannot get a hold of that priest, they have a reminder) that they are a priest: they are living for God, dead to the world, and dead for the flesh.

I don't know how holy priests who do not wear the cassock and cinture (and collar) are, I really don't, and far be it from me to speculate on that, BUT, I think it is a grave disservice to the priests, for their own souls, who do not take advantage of this wardrobe. I don't know what seminary hates them, but, I hope, for their own souls, and, for the love of God and His Church and Her members, he would take it upon himself to research and wear these items.

All day, everyday.

* :D :D :D :D :D

According to the Order of Melchisedech

2011-02-13T19:12:00.006-06:00

Hey Blog,

Okay, just a little...

I've noticed myself, when speaking to Fr. McCambridge staring at his cossack around half the time than his face.....it's amazing what kind eyes and an overabundance of generocity can do. I like Father, I really really do BECAUSE God has put him here and if I cannot look Father McCambridge in the eye when discussing some things, it's going to be IMPOSSIBLE to stand in judgement before the Trinity. IMPOSSIBLE. As a matter of fact, I feel sorry for my friends, aquaintances, and bosses who think, with the way they dismiss what they do to and for themselves, and to others, that they really will have a shot of Heaven. It's not impossible, of course, providing that they repent, but, they cannot fool God. Just the fact that some are uncharitable, some are sacreligious, and some are lying and theiving, and they think that they wont be condemned if this continues! Especially because they do not have the Sacraments! I've been thinking about it lately; I am very thankful that I have the Sacraments. I don't know if it is because of Confession, Holy Communion, Father Van der Putten's instruction and admonishings from the pulpit (ESPECIALLY assist at Mass more than once a week.....Oh, please, God, bless and keep and keep holy Father Van der Putten), or Father McCambridge's instruction from the pulpit and council to me in person, but, I....don't want to say "feel"...I don't "feel" closer to God, but, I do think I am conforming more to His Will. I HOPE I am conforming more to his Divine Will. I do not feel compelled to engage in certain sins (the sins I know are sins), and I do not wish to join those who do, and I have been speaking out more against some of them to those committing them, and I do not wish to take part in sin and I feel sorry for those who persist in sin. I do hope they quit. I should probably pray for them. I mean, THEY ARE GROWN ADULTS!!!! Stop acting like children, start taking responsibility, stop defrauding, whether poor or rich are those affected!!!

Edit (this paragraph, 2/27/11): Okay, maybe I was a pit rash and harsh in my previous paragraph. Today Fr. VdP mentioned a certain woman who was a convert to the Faith and a friend of Saint Padre Pio (and how he kicked her Protestant mother's dog...and so very few priests would mention that) and her mother died and Saint Pio said she was in Heaven because of (justifiable?) ignorance and she practiced her faith in faith. ...The daughter, the Catholic, on the other hand, who was a Terciary and the kindest, most charitable, woman known to the people, though she went to Mass everyday, had to suffer some time in Purgatory. ...Maybe I am being hard on some of those I know, BUT, I do hope for their sakes they practice the faith as best they can for the love of God and do not try to get one over on Him. May God have mercy.

Where was I? Oh yeah, this one isn't about my priests...but, I just...THEY DO SO MUCH!!!! AND THEY'RE SO HOLY!!!! AND SO VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH GOD!!! They really are just very giving. VERY.

Anyway, this one is about two other priests I've recently read about. Both having the same temptation, one proudly succumbing and leaving God, the other

Pride:
http://www.ncregister.com/blog/fr.-cutie-fallen-priest-as-wholly-innocent-victim/

http://www.chrisaubert.com/chrisaubert.com/%E2%80%A2Truth_Blog/Entries/2011/2/1_Alberto_Cutie_-_Amazing_Email_Exchange.html

Humility:
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/statement-of-fr-thomas-euteneur-setting-the-record-straight

The following, I think, is a bit unfair, but, it is included.

http://yimcatholic.blogspot.com/2011/01/for-cults-of-personality-not-or-my.html

The dynamic between these two is Judas and Peter. The one is obstinant in his pride and sin, the other has contrition, and more importantly, obediance. He is to remain silent on the matter, and he does. His name is continually dragged through the mud, and he lets it be. He's said his peace.

I also like how Fr. Cutie let the temptation overcome him until he could no longer see straight, while Father Euteneur admitted his fail did not result in the sexual act (it could have been a passionate kiss for all we know) and he was NEVER ever considering leaving his ministerial priesthood. He admitted it got out of hand, he apologized to all concerned. He is remaining obedient.

May God have mercy on them both. I was upset at Fr. Cutie, disgusted even, until I read his e-mail exchange. I felt profoundly sorry for him.

"You can lie to yourself and your minions, you can claim that you haven't a qualm, but you NEVER can run from, nor hide what you've done from the eyes.....the very eyes of Notre Dame."

They are a priest forever. ...FOREVER. Whether in Heaven or Hell...FOREVER.
Hebrews 7:17

Feria after the Epiphany, 2011

2011-02-02T17:38:00.004-06:00

Yes, so, let me tell you the three little miracles that happened this day, as promised from two posts ago.

1. Got to St. Augustine's before Mass. Confessions were being heard. I was next in line and a young man was after me.

The person before me left, the lights went off, and Father stepped out of the confessional. I went to take a seat, and I think I prayed half-heartedly, because I was disconcerted that God did not want me.

The young man who was behind me came up to me while I was praying and said that Father will hear our confessions.

I think Father was waiting in the door jam and proceeded to go back in. I gave him some time and went in. And thanked him.

I made my confession , he absolved me, and asked me to send in the young man who was after me.

MIRACLE ONE: God made Himself availible to me via this Sacrament. Father was done (I think he thought there were no more penitants), but, he saw that there was still time and people needed to repent.

Then, later, time for Holy Communion. I was thinking about how, either on that Sunday or The Feast of the Circumcision, I had the opportunity to kneel on the marble step directly, not on a cusioned kneeler.

I waited.

THIS Friday, 1/7/11, God gave me a second chance and presented the humiliation to me again. I gratefully took it in Thanksgiving this time. :D :D :D :D :D

MIRACLE TWO: I had the opportunity, undeservedly, to commit and show God my love and adoration for Him. :D

After Mass, though, undeservedly, I was graced GRACED with TWO miracles, I just, couldn't really get my heart in prayer of Thanksgiving. I just couldn't....really commit to talking to God. I couldn't focus or really....feel like I was saying anything relevant.

After a while, Father was walking down the aisle to leave the church and I don't remember if he spoke first or if I did (probably he did) but, he knew I wanted to speak with him. He said that he could talk to other parishoners if I wanted to pray more. I told him I always want to pray more. (which is true, in front of the Blessed Sacrament, I do. I mean, how does one turn one's back on God? How does one say, 'Okay, enough for now, catch You later'?) "What's that?" he asked me, and I repeated myself. He said he would talk to other parishoners and just to come out when I was done.

Needless to say, I was exuberent in my prayer to God after that.

MIRACLE THREE: I'm not even sure. That I had the opportunity to speak with Father? THat I had a renewal in inspiration and adoration?

I do know, however, that I was very ungrateful, for some....stupid reason, before that third one, THOUGH I HAD NO RIGHT TO BE! WHY?!!! When God had ben so providing and outgoing to me twice before?!!!!!

I finished and went out to Father, and, well, you can read the other post for that, but, this night, three miracles in 90 minutes, two of them taking less than 30 seconds has helped me in the past few weeks.

God used Father to show His love for me.

...I just don't even know what to make of that.

Extreme Poverty & Perfekt Povertye

2011-01-22T23:29:00.006-06:00

Hey Blog,

Incidentally, Father McCambridge was in the Navy, not the Marines.

Can't find my copye of "Piers Ploughman," so, I'm not sure if that's how it was spelled, but, that's where I got it from.

Anway, 38 years ago today, the United States decreed that women in this country have the choice and the right to kill their children as they wish.

Tulsa had a March for Life demonstration and speakers afterwards.

FSSP-Tulsa was there to represent at the march, at least in part.

Both priests were there and select parishoners.

Father Van der Putten was carrying the Vatican flag and Father McCambridge was carrying the American flag.

After the march, during the...I don't know, either a speaker or an introduction to the first speaker, I turned and looked towards Father Van der Putten (I was to his left, yards away, trying to get a better view...or any view of the person speaking), and he was looking up. It appeared that he was looking atop the flag he was carrying, to the top of the pole on which it was, where there was a cross. :) It was gold. He was just looking at it (or so it seemed to me), not smiling, maybe frowning, just...maybe...contemplating it or praying....or maybe his mind was blank...IF he was actually even looking at the cross, I don't know, but, it got me to look up at the cross and be...joyful.

I have so much respect for Father Van der Putten and admire him so much and didn't want to approach him for a while because I believe him to be such a very holy priest and I think I know why he and Father McCambridge make me so very happy:

THEY LOVE GOD AND THEY WANT ME TO GET INTO HEAVEN.

In that order.

...And not just me, these men really do make it their entire existence to prepare people for God.

They prepare themselves for God. They love God, one can tell it in the way they offer the sacrifice of the Mass, the way they dress, the way they speak at their homilies, the way they make themselves avalible to their parishoners, they live for God and they die to themselves for God. They offer the Old Mass in this new age. They do this out of love and respect for God and His Church.

Let me stress...and His Church.

These men do not have to be FSSP priests. They can offer Latin Masses and be outside of the Church or offer the Mass in the OF as a parish priest.

But, they aren't. They are obeying the Pope fully and being reverent to God.

The whole thing about this epiphany I had on 1/22/11 was because of a conversation that happened on Thursday.

Father McCambridge needs to read up on some...sources to see if a particular interest I have is worthy of my time.

This interest I have is one that is shared and was brought to my attention by some friends.

I told one friend who (had been telling me how I'd enjoy this particular interest before I picked it up) about a conversation Father McCambridge & I had and how he's...uneasy about this regarding my spiritual good. I told him I have a book that brings religion into it and he asked me, "Does it have an Impramatur?"

She proceeded to tell me she thinks he's....nuts or something to that effect; she simultaneously scoffed at the idea and insulted God's priest (Lord have mercy) and that this isn't the 1950's, there isn't a list of banned books. There's social justice issues in Tulsa, my particular interest shouldn't be such a big deal.

The "social justice" thing made me cringe. "Social Justice" is a code phrase by liberal Catholics that inclines the need for various secular causes above the mission of the Church.

And that's why I love my priests, because they do not buy into that. :) Father made time for me because I wanted to talk to him. He is concerned about my soul and gives me what I need to make it into Heaven. I have the free will to accept or reject his councel.

(1/30/10): Let me again repeat: Father made time for MEEEEEEeee. He was concerned enough that I was kinda troubled about this to want to help me through it a bit (though, I wanted to share some things with him, to let him know). It's not that he wants to do something for some vague humanist idea for a group of people, he wants to help the individual person.

BUT, this isn't about Father McCambridge, no. Believe it or not, this blog is dedicated to Father Van der Putten. I am not as comfortable around him as I am Father McCambridge. Even tonight, calling them to try to figure something out, I'm pretty sure I was ranty and hysterical trying to convey something to FVdP, but, as soon as FMC came on the phone, the thing I was having trouble with was easier to explain to him.

I think Father Van der Putten is holier, but, I think Father McCambridge makes me holier. God has granted Father Van der Putten with charisma, but, Father McCambridge, I believe, has been graced with humility. I love them both. I, though I fight against it, trust them both.

I remember being at a breakfast one morning (for some reason, I actually stayed after Mass to go next door to the breakfast. I don't know what I was thinking), and though Father Byrne (I think) was the pastor, because of counsel Father Van der Putten (who was the assistant) gave me in the confessional, I asked if I could speak to him when I was done. He said yes. (I think it's just because I had spoken with him more I wanted his advice.) When I was done I went up to him and we walked out to the parking lot. I explained my situation, about working for less than minimum wage and serving and poverty. He told me that it would be okay for me to get a new job, if not told me to get a new job. "Humiliations will come," 'you don't have to look for them'. (I know he said that first part, I think he said the second. Or something like it.) And he was right! :) Now, I try, with the job I have, to make the most of my little crosses. :)

For a while, I will admit, to being angry/disturbed/distressed/defilent to Father because of something he said during a homily. Feast Day of St. Maria Goretti, 2009, even though there was more to it, he mentioned women in pants was immodest. Let me repeat: women should only be in skirts or dresses.

>_<

Oh, I was a'fumin'!

He was probably going on about femininity or something and relating to how his dad worked in a coal mine and how no men swore until the woman who was hired swore and how that opened up a Pandora's Box and how it doesn't matter that women can do what men can do. Also, women shouldn't even wear pants in their own homes in front of their husbands or children (probably not alone, either). Women should be feminine and although mini-skirts are immodest, they are still designed to attract men. He made the following statement: Mini-skirts are to fornication what pants are to sodomy.

:O
>:(

I came home, went on Catholic Answers Forums, posted what he said, and made war with anybody who disagreed with me (I MEAN HOW VERY....GAH!!!), not that that was my intent. I didn't know if anybody WOULD disagree with me, and some people said I need a new priest. And, now, viewing that thread again recently, I am very sad to see all this and I hope those people have learned better, too.

The next week I asked him in the confessional if women wearing pants was immoral and again, he said yes, and explained some things. I didn't agree with him but I said alright.

The following week or two, I mentioned this, again, in the confessional, to the pastor. I told him I've researched it and that's not what the church teaches. (There's signs in the Vatican saying women can wear pants.) He said he'd talk to him (I had to tell him this again after he absolved me. He also told me to ignore that one thing Father said, but, not to look down on him, or something).

Father Van der Putten mentioned this from the pulpit two more times, I think (keep in mind, I was still wearing pants to Mass). GRRRRRRRRRR on my insides each time.

I was upset, distraught about it not only for the how DARE he tell me what to wear, but, I didn't have the funds at the time. Oh sure, I had a dress or two, but, I didn't want to wear them.

Funny thing, I got a job. I think at some point, mabye before or after I got a job, I said to myself if I get a job, I will get dresses/skirts (www.holyclothing.com <-- site I learned about when I first ranted against FVdP). I had a job for one and one-half months. The heat got to me one day, I was wearing black pants, and I decided then I would buy dresses/skirts.

Self-preservation got me to do God's Will.

It took less than one year since I heard the homily to do this.

I've since asked FVdP in the confessional about pants. He did say that women could wear them, but, there needs to be a good reason, like gardening or something. ....Not that I think I would go back to pants much. I have worn pajama bottoms, though....

Anyway, I think I need to conceed that even if God doesn't demand all women in skirts/dresses, He wants ME in them. He wouldn't have given FSSP-Tulsa FVdP if this wasn't the case....and the thing is, there is another Latin Mass Celebrated in Muscogee, which happens not only later, but, it's closer, but, I didn't like the layout of the church, nor how I couldn't half-kneel/half-sit due to the seating arrangements, so, I started getting up earlier to go to St. Augustine's.

Also, it's the only other parish I have actually belonged to besides St. Elizabeth Seaton in Orland. For all the church hopping/shopping I did, I never actually joined any....well, wait...maybe St. John Cantius, I get mail from them.

It's so very odd. It's like God loves me enough to want me to be here or something.

Anyway, continuing on with FVdP.

For two years, I think, but, I cannot be 100% positive, two years, though, I think on a Sunday in 2009 and Ash Wednesday 2010 (?), I went to confession, FVdP was listening, and each time he asked something like, "Have you decided what you're giving up for Lent"?

...Gahhhh...what?

I mean, I had...half, maybe thought about it. Had a vague idea...ish. Father Van der Putten cared enough, CARED ENOUGH, to ask, and then....AND THEN....talk me through a workable idea...at least that first year...I don't remember if I had something better the second year.

HE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT ME DOING RIGHT BY GOD'S CHURCH!!!

Seriously, if anybody ever reads this, I want you to think about that. This man, this holy man, this priest, my spiritual father took the time to make sure that I was going to die to self for the season.

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

It was also through him that I learned about Ember Days. He made an announcement from the pulpit. I think it was Summer or Fall 2010. Yes, I know, I've been at that church since 2009, (but not frequently) and St. John Cantius, and this was the first time I heard about Ember Days.

Another thing asked of me from the confessional: Are you saying your morning prayers?

He cares about my relationship with God. He cares enough to make sure I HAVE a relationship with God. He cares that I talk and go to God often, and meditate on Him, and have recourse from the devil.

He's asked me this question a few times, I think.

Once, the following conversation (or spirit of it) transpired:

Me: I cross myself

FVdP: *scoffing and sardonic* That's a prayer?!

Me: *high pitched and defensive, and sounding like a three year old* It's a prayer! (It's hard to capture in text).

FVdP: *scoffing and sardonic* So, what is that? You give God 2 seconds?

Me: Three to five.

FVdP: And your night prayers?

Me: I give a little more during my night prayers.

FVdP: What? Five seconds?

Me: Ten to twelve.

He then put me on a regiment of prayers. I don't know how long I kept it up, but, I've since abandoned practically all. I do my Morning Offering (but, that's more now because of FMC), and, if I remember, say three Hail Mary's in the morning for purity and three at night for final perseverance.

Also asked of me in the confessional (are you noticing a patern?), at least, I think this is what caused the reply: Are you saying your daily Rosary?

--Father, I don't really have a devotion to it/I don't really like the Rosary.

FVdP: It's not about you.

My soul: :D :D :D :D :D

That really is the best thing I could ever hear besides the words of absolution and what the priest says when distributing the Eucharist.

I have never forgotten that and I hope I never will.

Also asked in the confessional was about work or shopping on a Sunday. (Not good...generally). I also asked, 'What about if one goes to the Vigil Mass on a Saturday, does one not shop or do work that day?'

FVdP: The Vigil is an abomination! (again, hard to transcribe. He didn't yell it, but, he raised his voice and the pitch of his voice. I think he said that the Bishop has said as such...)

Another time, I asked if I was profaning the Lord's Day by watching Brit-coms with double-entendre's and such.

FVdP (mumbling, if I recall correctly): You shouldn't be watching those, anyway....

And, during the interruption of the Mass, the announcements and the homily, FVdP has said the following:

About the children learning their catechism, which, they need to do at an accelerated rate: You will learn the prayers or *ominously and deeply into the microphone* You. Will. Pay.

:D :D :D :D :D

ALSO, there is a poem he repeats ad nauseum.

Mr. Business went to Mass/He did it every Sunday./Mr. Business went to hell/For what he did on Monday.

He wants his flock to understand coming to Mass once a week doesn't cut it. We need to live it. We need to be Catholic 24/7.

Also, I love how, when I taught 2nd/3rd graders their CCD, I was told not to mention hell and yet, Father is not only mentioning it, but, it's in verse form, so all can remember. There are newborns and there are senior citizens at Mass; Father is being charitable to all by mentioning hell and reminding us there is a hell.

Last thing, the beginning of the Mass procession earlier this month. I was in line for confession....I suppose one realizes that's a reoccuring theme....anyway, I was in line for confession and debating whether I should mention one thing or not before the bell was rung, and I remember watching it, because I was in the back and had a clear view; the cesure youth kinda half rolled his eyes and his face showed that wherever he was, he wasn't at the Mass at that time.

The next....6....youths, I want to say, processed with their candles.

There were four young boys and Father. Father was in the back, behind the young boys.

He saw that the young boys were going to proceed to follow the youths too closely.

Father flew, he swooped in, and placed the talons of death on the boys' shoulders, looking down (I wouldn't have guessed his eyes open if I didn't know better), until it was the right time for them to proceed.

Father respects the Mass, Father loves God, Father wanted things PERFECT, because God deserves no less.

I thank God for a priest to remind me of that.

Incidentally, when I saw this, I kinda had this interior thing about if Father will not hold anything back from the Mass and give 100% to it, as It deserves it, I have the courage to confess all (or at least inquire) during the sacrement I was going to receive.

Father really is quite inspirational.

Thank you, God, for your priests.

God's Few, God's Humble, God's Priests

2011-01-09T23:42:00.010-06:00

He must increase, I must decrease.

Hey Blog,

I've been meaning to get in touch with you for a while. Remind me to share with you my epiphany about Christmas and Sex. No, seriously, you'll like it.

But, that's not why I'm here tonight, Blog. I'm here because of...well, I should probably write about God's graces as well, but, my intent was to write on a priest and his actions.

It's good. One never hears anything good about priests, EVER, but, oh my gosh, I can't believe this happened.

Alright, I think I'm going to save God's graces for another day (interestingly enough, the three occurances happened this same day....AND, because of this same priest).

Of course, as with all my writtings, a little (more) exposition: Feast of the Circumcision of Our Lord, 2011, Fr. Van Der Putten, in his homily, urged all to make the New Year's Resolution to assist at one more Mass per week than one is obligated. He said they offer Masses at 7:00 and 8:00, and surely, people can make time before work to come to one of those Masses, and if not, he will gladly offer a 0600 Mass.

Knowing I live 2 hours away, and work an hour fifteen, one and one-half hours away, I knew that was impossible. ...

However...

There is a Friday evening Mass offered at 1900. If I leave work on time, I could get there, probably by 1800, but, this has never happened. I have gone before, though.

BUT, surely, this urging of the priest, excludes me....I mean, I live two hours away! That's, like, another, like, $80-$90 gas/month. I can do an extra Mass once a month (which, he also mentioned in his homily is not enough), but once a week is just too much.

I was almost on the verge of tears because of this. I KNOW, it is not binding, per say; the priest cannot MAKE us do this in any way....but, it's not for nothing he's saying to do this. BUT, I mean, c'mon, SURELY, ~I~ am the exception, ~I~ get a dispensation from this.

And after wrestling with my conscience:

Conscience: You have somewhere better to be?
Me: .......
Conscience: You have something better to do?
Me: .......
Conscience: You going to put something above Jesus, really? When He's CLEARLY allowing an option for you?
Me: >_<
Conscience: You think God wont provide with the money? Of all the things you're going to skimp on, Mass? There's NO where else one can allow for exceptions in one's budget?
Me: ARGGHHH! (sound of my will breaking)
Conscience: :) :D :)

So I was at Mass on Friday (we'll see how long this lasts. I also made NYR to 1. Pray the Rosary everyday, 2. Pray to the Sacred Heart everyday, 3. Pray to St. John the Baptist everyday), and afterwards, while I was still kneeling in prayer, I spoke with Fr. McCambridge walking out the door, who allowed me to stay to pray some more and he could talk to other parishoners. He knew I needed to speak with him (I think I called him and he hadn't responded) and I told him so. He knew.

1. He offered to wait for me.
After a while, I finished and I went out to see him where he was talking with two other men. Kind of on cue, they left.

He and I went inside the small area between the doors that lead outside and the doors that lead to the church part of the church.

2. He made himself avalible to me.

We spoke (more on this later...possibly).

3. He even offered to go WAY out of his way for me.

Anyway, when he was done counseling me, he offered to give me a blessing. ( :D :D :D ) After he gave me a blessing, he asked me where I'm parked and said that it's not the safest neighbourhood so, he offered to walk me to my car. (I half thought this was unnecessary because, well, like, I'm invincible.... I don't know, it's like, nothing has happened before, it's like God is watching out for us who go to Mass there....I don't know...I've never had a problem before...even in the dark (of course, there were other people still there those times.))

I said it's funny he says that because whenever I mention Mass, people always ask me the one 5 minutes away (because I am so blessed to live 5 minutes away from a Catholic Church ( :D )), or the one in Tulsa, because they all know it's the "bad" part of Tulsa. "But, so far so good," or something like that.

He gave me a queer look and said, "Well let's keep it that way."

He opened the doors to the church part of the church, probably knelt in front of the tabernacle, turned off the lights, and knelt again in front of the tabernacle. I was against the door, holding it open all this time.

We step outside, he gets his keys and fumbles with them, checking them in the light to see which key is the one needed to lock the door. As he locks the door, I start walking towards my car. He quickly catches up and walks on my left side, the side between me and the street (though, there is grass and a gate that seperates the small parking lot and the street). I thought that was rather chivalrous and gallant, for lack of better terms.

We make small talk about the weather and such and I get to my car (I notice the car he drove has a pro-life bumper sticker and "Neutrons have Mass?! I didn't even know they were Catholic!" I love puns, but, that is lame.).

I tell him my house is half decorated like Hogwarts from the Harry Potter universe but I tried to keep it not tacky and he laughs. :)

4. He waits for me to get in my car.

5. I then notice, he's behind my car, near his car, watching me, waiting to see if my car will start, I guess.

I then leave, thanking God for him almost the entire way home.

Him walking me to my car is something I cannot get over. This happened on 1/7/11 and here it is, the Commemoration of the Baptism of Our Lord, 1/13/11, and it still touches me. I think it inspired me to be a better and more selfless Catholic this week. Like I said, I thought it was odd yet chivalrous and gallant at first, but, then I thought about it more and more (how could one not?!) and this is what occured to me (the next day, I think): This priest did the most in persona Christi thing that anybody has ever done for me (to my knowledge), firstly, and secondly, he was very in persona Christi in general.

Did he walk me to my car just to be nice, NO! he walked me to my car, without regard to his safety, nay, he walked to my car with total abandonment for his safety. He could have walked on my other side, his car was on the other side of mine (across from mine, on the other side of the small parking lot), but, he walked on my left side. If something was going to happen to me, he wasn't going to permit it. He was going to be in the way of anything; if something was to befall me, it would target him first. He was RIGHTBY my side, blocking me (as much as a very tall, very lean man could). Whatever may have happened to me that night (I'm still holding I would have been fine....but, I'm not going to say no to a priest who wants to walk me to my car), Father McCambridge was going to ...sacrifice... himself so that I would be okay.

I mean, yes, it's grand that he has given me absolution and the Eucharist, more so than I know, but, this was ...practical. This was...real. This was tangible. This is, like, really, the message of the Gospel. This is the graces that absolution and the Eucharist bestow so that one can die to self and live for Christ.

THEN, it occurs to me days later, NOT ONLY did he act in persona Christi, he was very much acting as my Father. He was going to protect his child at all costs. He was going to make sure she wasn't left stranded, either. I mean, if I was going to die that night, THEN would have been the perfect time, I had received the Eucharist AND gotten a blessing from a priest. My soul was good to go, but, no, Father McCambridge was going to protect and defend my body that night.

I think he may have even followed me part of the way home (I'm pretty sure I noticed his car going up one off-ramp while mine went down another), but, that may have been coincidence.

He went way out of his way for me. WAY out. Not only physically, but, the things he offered to do for me, should the need arise. No regard for himself (or, at least, that's how it seems to me).

And the thing is, it wasn't personal; he would do the same for any of his children or any of God's children.

Father McCambridge was in the Marines. I don't know if he was a Marine or a chaplin for them, but, it wouldn't surprise me if he was trained to fight for his country, just because he is so fit and orderly and seemingly disciplined.

He defended one of this Country's daughters, and, for that, by this post, I salute him.

Thank you, Father McCambridge. You are in my prayers.

Thank you, Holy Trinity, one God, for creating this man,
Thank you Holy Trinity, one God, for calling him to the priesthood,
Thank you Holy Trinity, one God, for sending him to Tulsa,
Thank you Jesus for giving him Your Sacred Heart.
Thank you Jesus for giving him Your Sacred Heart to give to others.
Amen.

Temperance for Punnishment

2010-03-01T03:21:00.008-06:00

+JMJ

Disclaimer: This one's kinda long. No, longer than average. This one took me a week. You may want to fix yourself a snack, first.

My mom has this story about me that I refuse to believe is true.

It seems that when I was 2, I kept telling my mom I was hungry. Apparently she wasn't moving fast enough because the next thing she knows, she turns around to find out I had gone to the refrigerator, opened it, positioned a chair (I think, not sure) to stand on to get to the Kraft singles, got a slice of cheese, unwrapped it and started eating it.

My mom tells this story because she adds to the end of it, "It was at this point, I knew, 'This kid will never starve.'"

I tell you this as a precursor to this entry.

It's Lent.

No matter how many times this happens (once a year, it's cyclical), my friends are always surprised when I tell them.

I write this to help my friends understand what I'm doing this year.

As much as I could have given up bubble baths, because I love the way the bubbles feel between my toes, I've decided to do something more.

Last year I gave up eatting in between meals. That worked well for those 46 days.

I'm trying that again this year....with not as much success.

Other things I'm doing this year? Meatless Wenesdays AND Fridays, little red meat, no alcohol, portion control, and, I was surprised myself when most of the time so far I also didn't eat after midnight....or break a fast as close to midnight as possible.

AND, no Food Network on the tele.

Some may think this is overkill, but, I assure you, it's not. When I'm trying to subject food and modify it, I'd just be watching Channel 231 like it was pornography. Furthermore, I think that the network in and of itself doesn't help what with a new show entitled, "The Best Thing I Ever Ate."

Also, over indulgence in alcohol is also gluttony; it is using and misusing alcohol to the point of making one sick, which is what too much food can do as well.

I know I have a problem with food because I was looking up a recipe online....and it led me to other recipes....which led to a story....and, I was fantasizing about all the wonderful things I could make....

I had to snap out of it and navigate away from that one particular site.

How much do I love food?

Q: Why did I become Christian?
A: Was subjected to this "A Thief in the Night" series about the Rapture. Was athiest then (7th Grade). After seeing this low budget B 70s Evangelical propeganda, I was concerned I'd end up left behind. What happens to those left behind (according to this erronious belief?) You sell your soul to Satan and willingly damn yourself to make a living or
you

die.

I remember waking up one morning, worrying, 'Okay, if the Rapture were to happen, and I couldn't buy anything, what could I eat? Callendar....paper's edible....' (Because I'd have to hide from the government or something as well lest they'd kill me....or something.)

Q: What's Attia's favourite bird?

A: Vulture. None of this, "Early bird gets the worm," ballocks, no. Vulture eats only dead things. Vulture wakes up, oh look, there is food waiting for it. It's God's plan B should something not have the honour of being burried.

Q: What's Attia's first thought waking up on Ash Wednesday & Good Friday?

A: "I can't eat, I can't eat, I can't eat, I can't eat, I can't eat, I can't eat," usually acompanied throughout the day with a countdown until midnight.

(Ash Wednesday & Good Friday are not only abstinance days, days where, in America, anyway, all Catholics between the ages of 14 but not yet 60, provided they are in good health and are not pregnant or nursing, must abstain from meat, but also fasting days, the only two required by the Church in the entire year. These days 18 - 59 year old Americans (I think these are the ages) are only allowed one full meal, and two smaller meals (but no snacking) to keep up stregnth if necessary PROVIDING that those two smaller meals do not equal another whole meal. I think if one is a manual labourer, though, there may be leweigh some even on that.)

Q: True or False: Conversing over the phone with a friend one night, Attia was distracted by a Wendy's commercial.

A: FALSE!!!!!*

Q: Attia gets a little sad when she looks at her plate and sees that she's almost done eating, or, at the very least, that one item on her plate is almost gone.

A: True. This shows I have an emotional attachment to food. I also hate just eating one thing at a meal. No matter what I'm having, I try to doctor it up with more food (instead of just pasta, and, not simply pasta, but, a filled pasta, like raviolli or tortalini, I try to have a vegetable, or, leftover vegetable pizza, and bread or something. Instead of just a cream soup, I put in rice or egg noodles to make it more substantial).

It was that third question that made me realize just how bad my gluttony was.

I kept believing that I didn't have a problem and that I could quit anytime I wanted. I wanted to believe food didn't beat me when clearly, it's pounded me, took my lunch money, and some how bought all cheap crap food which it then spoon fed me and beat me up some more.

And, it's not so much overeating. I looked up Overeater's Anonymous and I don't really have those symptoms. Gluttony is so much more than just simply overeating. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gluttony

Basically, it's putting food in the center of one's life, where only God should be. It is giving one's life to food and letting food control one's life. If one goes to that Wiki link, one sees that St. Thomas Aquinas considers eating to daintilly gluttony & I can understand why: it's being afraid of food. It's the oposite side of the same coin because it's still letting food be in control.

There was an episode of "Will & Grace," where Grace finds a new Chinese noodle place she likes. She likes the noodles there so much that she places another order to go. The character's lines before getting ready to leave the restaurant are along the lines of, 'I can't wait until I'm hungry again so I can eat these.'

That's gluttony; that's disgusting.

What I am trying to accomplish this Lent, through abstinance/fasting and prayer, is to subject food and not be subject to it. I am better than food, I was created for more than food.....but of all the addictions to have, food is right up there with air.

I always thought it was stupid when those fat people on talk shows said, "It's not like drugs or alcohol, I have to eat. You don't NEED to drink," but, I'm, thank God, not suffering from the same cross as them. I'm not a compulsive eater, because, as I said, gluttony is more than just eating. However, we DO need to eat. The only person I ever heard admit he doesn't like eating is Barry Manalow. Even he said, though, that at the end of the day, he wonders why he's shaking and then realizes he hasn't eatten.

The body is set up for food. We do need to eat to sustain life. Those on hunger strikes usually drink some special liquid to keep going or they soon die. Fasting is done as a pennance in religions, believed to make the person better. No human enjoys denying one's self, especially of something so basic because it is counter to our instinct. Not eating makes you die. The human race did not evolve for thousands of years to climb to the top of the food chain to voluntarily not eat. We had plenty of time to not eat and we didn't utilize that time. You know who did? Neither do I, because they're extinct now.

I asked a priest is there anything to help me with the fasting and the sin of gluttony and he said, and it was so helpful to hear, "Yes. Know that by fasting, you wont die." That's really important, because, he's right. It would take a lot of fasting for it to kill me. If I decided to do more, I would be uncomfortable, perhaps not really able to function (my body can go 20 hours before turning against me), but, not eating as much everyday on a whim isn't going to make my parent's outlive me.

See, the eating is, again, for survival. The more I eat, then, it follows, the more I survive: I'm the next step in evolution.

Not only do we need to eat, we need to do it daily, multiple times, preferably. We NEED to. One's body cannot properly function if one cannot digest food. It is so basic and natural, eating cannot be praised enough, but, again, it's not solely about eating; it's the glorification and fantasizing and fixating on food that causes gluttony.

And, we don't really need to be sold on eating. It ammuses me, the food commercials I'm noticing while I'm doing this. There's one for Sonic saying, "To me, food should come at the push of a button." Oh yeah, just what this country needs, an easier way to get high caloric food. I also am rather fond of the sentuous chocolate commercials. .....You know, just in case food needs to be more tempting. And, shots of food going in people's mouths, again, terriffic. Just in case we forget how to eat, we can look at TV to guide us.

I am beginning to think this country can save money by stopping adverts of food. We all need to eat. Few of us have a victory garden or a farm. We regularly go to the store. We need to go up and down multiple aisles to get what we want. If there's something new there, we're more than likely, to increase our chances of survival, going to pick it up.....especially if it's reasonably priced.

Also, I get coupons for food delivered to my e-mail.

I must admit, however, as much as I want to say this isn't just about eating inbetween meals, that is a part of it. It is annoying to want to eat or indulge in sugar only to be reminded: It's Lent. It's not about being satisfied. And, the eating between meals is just a quick fix....it's not like it curbs the appetite for the rest of the day, no. Even should I snack at one moment, I get hungry again.

And, it's not like I even have it that bad. The suggestion last year was so easy: don't eat between meals. Historically, those observing Lent did not eat meat, eggs, butter, cream, sugar, ect.... basically, they lived on vegetables....and not good ones, ones from last years harvest; this year's harvest had not yet come in. People were using the rest of what they had from last year to get by these 40 (6) days.

I learned that on a show on EWTN. Also learned: The chickens didn't know it was Lent; they continued to lay eggs. That is how the tradition of hiding eggs came about.

By not eating, my hunger pangs increase sending the signal to my brain of self abolition....by not drinking, I cannot dull this away.

I have a cousin who calls me up and tells me not only how much he's eatten at one time, but, exactly the crap food he ate throughout the day. Clearly food plays a BIG part of his life. I can even hear the smile in his voice when he talks about it.

Food should never EVER make anybody who has eatten in the past week that happy. EVER.

On the opposite side of that, I have had friends who have told me they had forgotten to eat and they have had to fast for 24+ hours for medicinal / clinical reasons. I want to say I wish I could do that, but, honestly, I know myself too well. I fantasize too much about food even when I'm not hungry.....this is what I'm trying to re-wire my brain about.

It's not about what I don't have, it's what I do have and what I can have. The more I do here on earth to curb my appetite and focus on God and place food where it belongs, the less I will have to be purged of when I die. What I'm doing is not a diet or a live-it because, that, again, puts the focus on food, weather counting calories, counting points, or keeping a food journal and eating six times a day, I am trying to....not ignore food, but, not have to ignore it. I don't want to think about food any more than is necessary. I will not be worried about what I am going to eat on any given day or how I will have to plan my schedule around food. I will be appreciative of the food I have and not wonder how can have more food. The focus is to not focus on food. This is hard for the average American family as opposed to the medieval European family because not only is there more food, but, there's all the adverts reminding us about food (including, but not limited to, the burger, chicken, & seafood fast food joints telling us about their limited time fish specials). Compare this to the other family, who used up all the butter, and sugar, and eggs, and mainly survived on vegetables....and last harvest's vegetables at that. We now have more access to food (and, I am okay with that....from a survivalist standpoint) which makes fasting harder.

Finally, I can't help but think that the reason we have to fast is because of the stupid sin of gluttony in the first place. ....I meant every word of those last two prepositional phrases. It was the stupid sin of gluttony I read, that was the original sin. The forbidden fruit in the Book of Genesis, one reads, was good for food and was pretty and blah blah blah and the woman ate it and so did the guy she was with, but, it is not specified that either were particularly hungry. They ate because they thought they could get more out of it.

My goal, this Lent, then, is to subject food to God's desire for me and not my desire. I aim not to objectify it as something to be used to gratify me, it will not be my crutch to comfort me. Food will be used to sustain me. I will try not to eat more than I need (indeed, the book, "Piers Ploughman" had a character suggest it is best to stop eating a little before you feel you are full).

I must confess, on Saturday (early morning) 3/6/10, I did eat a vegetarian egg roll even though I was....kinda full, just to not have to have the inconvienience of being annoyingly hungry. That was wrong. That was going back to what I'm trying to stop. Food is not for my entertainment. I MUST understand this. If I want to live, I have to start thinking about God first thing in the morning and not food.

AND, I must also do this for the love of God. A spiritual director said what I'm giving up this Lent (I don't think he knew), use that time to read the Bible. Good plan. I must not do this to buy my way into Heaven because that not only doesn't work and not how things are set up, that instills in me a sense of pride. I must do this because I love God and want to depend more on Him.

This year has been easier, and, as Lent goes on, I've been trying to do more and more in the way of fasting. I'm surprised how much grace God has poured into me this Lent.

AND, As much as I must stop thinking about my stomach and not do this out of pride, I must also not do this out of fear: I would put off fasting until the latest possible point I could on the days of fasting so that I would then gourge myself and also, not have to suffer hunger later. Though, this never worked (as, I was always hungry enough to break the fast a wee bit after midnight), I did it because I wanted to be able to eat meat (meat seems to fill me up more....though, I know that is psychological, and, if I ate a little something before then, I would worry about breaking my fast AND, I wouldn't be hungry after midnight, which is what I was looking forward to). I must also condition myself that it is okay to eat up to two lighter "meals" on those two fasting days if I must. Wanting meat again is just letting food win. It is okay to eat if I am hungry, and ONLY if I am hungry.

I remember having a friend over one Saturday when I was in high school. He was there for lunch and dinner. He commented about not wanting dinner because he wasn't hungry. It was the first time I had EVER heard something like that. I mean, what does eating dinner have to do with being hungry?

So, to be more appreciative of food, of how my body works, of God's plan for salvation, and of Christ's sacrifice, I am trying to become a better human being as was intended by devoting more of my life and time to not consuming things and not wondering what I can consume.

Dante's theory on the gluttonous being purged was having to run laps in order to build up an appetite, and, passing a waterfountain that they couldn't drink from in order to have that much more of a desire to quench the pallate. I don't want any of my afterlife to mimic gym class at Prarie Elementary school, so, I do this now.

I'm going to stop it here. There's other things I could go on about and will perhaps mention in an upcoming blog, but, this was an explination. Hope you all got your fill.

*It was Burger King. My train of thought really did get derailed and I apologized when I was studdering.

How badly do I need a job? The votes are in...

2009-08-11T20:46:00.004-05:00

Seeing as I am currently unemployed and have most of an entire house at my disposal, I had already figured that now (or, "then") would be as good time as any to start with the cleaning.

As much as I wish I was done at any time after any "project" I set out to accomplish, because there is a house of stuff, STUFF THAT I WANTED MY MOM TO SORT THROUGH BEFORE SHE LEFT IN WINTER AND AGAIN WHILE SHE WAS HERE THIS SUMMER might I add, and ~my~ stuff to sort into this place, I have found this an ongoing project.

I need money. I'm not just saying that to be coy, I NEED money at this point and I need to find something that I want to do so that I can stick with it, and, I have been looking, but, not too tough. I have been looking and applying, but, not calling and confirming....and, nobody has called me.

I cannot say, at this point, though, I acknowledge a need to start being more self-sufficient, I am upset with this arrangement. It has given me time to unpack. I moved down here in January. I didn't unpack all my clothes until July. I'm still not, "fully unpacked." as there's another box full of stuff that I need to decide what to do with and then I'll probably need to rearrange some things in the house IF I want to keep them in this house before I could meld my things with them.

I bring this up because some point between the winter and the spring, I rearranged part of the kitchen. These changes made the kitchen less cluttered and more efficient because, when one keeps shoving things in cabinets and drawers, 1) One loses track of what one has, 2) One is not able to find what one needs conveniently, 3) Others may not be able to find what others need conveniently and, 4) Time and elements affect said items and they may not be fit for consumption or use of any kind anymore. This is why I wanted my mom to go through things, but, noooooo...... *Decides to leave the digressive dissertation about all the stuff I have found whilst cleaning, including, but not limited to Christmas items, out* So, when she was here in summer, and the house needed to lose a cabinet so that the water filter could be installed, she told me not to touch anything on the counter because she needed to fit those items in the cabinets underneath. No problem.

The best part of that was when she asked, "Did you know this house had a waffle iron?"
Me: No. Did you?
Mom: No.

See what fun it is to clean in an old house everyday?

So, I decided, since, while she was down here, the house got a dishwasher and she didn't rearrange more than she had to, wouldn't it be fun (yes, I am sad) to go through the cabinets and wash everything and see what all we have and put them back in a proper order....or, order? I can put all the plastics together and all the measuring cups (6, if one doesn't count the one on the ring) together, and all the great big pasta pots (8, but, who's counting) together. I could put all the spices and oils in one cabinet and all the paper/wax/foil products in another so some wont be in one and some wont be in another.

I don't know when the last time I had such a good time was.

Amongst my cleaning I found two dead flies, three dead brown spiders, a long (insect) leg, longer than the scorpion I found and, one dead scorpion. It is little, but, well preserved. It now sits atop the mantle over the fire place in a snack baggie that was lying around within a bottle/jar I found. I find that there is so much this house has to offer within itself! It's like Hogwarts, truly, because whenever I open another door, there's a surprise waiting! [Case in point, this is an edit: I have begun (and, am almost through for all I know) cleaning out three hardware drawers in the kitchen. My mom didn't want me to, but, after being not able to find measuring tape (we have 5 in the kitchen alone, 4 of which are not broken), it's happening. I don't want hardware stuff in the kitchen, but, I guess if it must stay.... In the second drawer, I found half a tube of Colgate toothpaste. I think it's Colgate Total, so, it's in the last 4 years, if not much sooner, I'm guessing. I also found a toothbrush holder and a toothbrush in the first drawer. Not the same brand of toothbrush and holder, mind you...]

Well, that only got me so far. There were three cabinets that my mom didn't want me to go through, but, after being sick of not knowing what stuff this house still held, finding out that there were part of different collections everywhere, SOME OF THE STUFF DIDN'T EVEN BELONG IN A KITCHEN, and it would help with space issues, I decided: but I must.

And so I did. I was surprised to find that there was a 28 compartment, 1 week - 4 times a day pill dispenser in the kitchen cabinet. I was appalled, appalled I tell you, to find there were still pills in it. WHY didn't my mom dispose of them as soon as whoever they belonged to died? I mention that because it was buried, as was four, COUNT THEM, FOUR, lemon juice bottles (alright, at least two, a lime juice bottle, and a bottle that is plastic but has the look of a wicker jug that I'm not sure of) shaped like lemons and such. Actually, they weren't buried so much as stuffed behind a Lazy Susan with half of a collection on and surrounding it.

I think I found the lemons first because I called up my friend to complain to her about it.

This was sometime last week. Late last week, if I recall. I just got around to washing them today. Not through the dishwasher but, dish soap and water and then put them in the dish rack to dry.

Once they were dry, along with a tall bottle that was in the kitchen cabinet but originally contained bubble bath and another bottle if sorts that I had originally thought of pairing with another bottle in a cabinet SOMEWHERE before I took another look and saw that that other green bottle was actually a vase, I put them in a moving box that I had put in the next room earlier this day.

I was over at the dining room part of the kitchen (as opposed to the kitchen part of the kitchen) and, setting things up there and picking through a motley inventory of items in a plastic woven green strawberry container when I found another bottle. A teeny bottle. It had some dirt in it and so I decided to see if I could wash it out....I couldn't. The opening at the top is very small and doesn't add water well nor does it drain well. I couldn't really get anything down in the teeny bottle to scrub it out, and, while trying to remove dirt or mould or something from the inside, it occurred to me....

I checked to see if I had the right number of bottles as I gathered the lemon/lime juice containers (that I now noticed were from different parts of Italy...or, at least had different cities' names on them) up out of the box. I brought them into the library here and set them down, grabbed a book and got to checking my theory online.

I had the right amount of bottles. Technically, they, I do not believe, are different sizes, but, they are different shapes, which I can pretend mean different sizes. I had to find that riddle and then appropriately decide bottle placement, and I did.

The next thing to do (I was percolating at this point) was find the best place. I went to the linen closet at the end of the hall on the other side of the house and grabbed the shrink wrapped shelf that just happened to be in there, waiting for it's moment. I had wondered, many times in the past 6 weeks, every time I opened the linen closet door to have that shelf look me in the face, WHAT in the WORLD am I going to do with this (besides just letting it look unused in it's shrink wrap in the linen closet)?

I found it. High, above head level so that nobody will knock into it, in the Slytherin Hall, closest to the dining room part of the kitchen and the Great Hall (because one had to go past the Great hall to go to the basement and the dungeons....but, you already knew that). It will be a perfect fit. No door will swing open to hit it, and it's in it's own nook, almost, not taking up an entire wall or anything.

Ladies and Gentlemen and Follower of This Blog, might I present:

THE SEVERUS SNAPE MEMORIAL!!!!! :D :D :D

Underneath the shelf with the bottles will be the riddle as found in Sorcerer's Stone, done in the LilyUPN font, on a piece of paper, burnt/aged.

I shall post a picture of it when it's finalized.

.....And my mom didn't want me to go through the cabinets....

Summing up prayer from "The Simpsons"

2009-08-02T22:23:00.002-05:00

I know, I still have the Family Reunion to write about and I will, but, I couldn't think of a better place to put this where it wouldn't get lost or deleted. From the episode, "Four Great Women and a Manicure". As said by Reverend Lovejoy as the religious head of the English speaking about the Spanish Armada:

"Lord Jesus,

Although our country turned Protestant for the SOLE reason that our fat, mean king could dump his faithful wife, we know you're on our side. So please, destroy these horrible monsters who believe your Mother should be revered."

--"Amen"

.....Incidentally, I still hate Krebs Public Elementary. August 13 is getting closer and closer.... What a horrible reminder.

Something that will ammount to Neutral News Anybody!!!

2009-07-11T11:32:00.002-05:00

They're back. Right now.

They being, "Somebody". I had the house to myself for about 30 minutes.

One would think, what with 5 houseguests, all of the male Y-Chromosome type, thus, having their OWN bathroom while here, this would be a good thing.

It would be, if I was the one who decided it.

My mom came in my room at....morning....sometime, and asked where my keys were. I told her. She took my keys.

I wanted to sleep until 11 but, got up to go to the bathroom around 0950, tried to go back to sleep, got up again around....10...something. I was invited to go to the thrift store with my cousins. I have only been to 2 or 3 thrift stores in my life, none of them this one, so, I would like to have acompanied them.

I remember, my mom has my keys. I make my cousins aware of this and the one suggest I call my mom. I do. I ask my mom when she'll be back. She says about an hour. I tell her I'm going with my cousins. She says she'll be here in 10 minutes.

I later check my phone and see that she called and left me a message so I call her back. The cousin (son) was cleaning out the car for the past ten minutes. My mom says to give her 15 more minutes. I am not to leave the house unlocked (which I would have done in case we got back here), as a matter of fact, she told me to stay.

I was GROUNDED!!! I was grounded....in the house where I primarily reside (alone) in the summer, and I'm over the age of emancipation.

I told my cousins to go without me (and they managed to talk my mom into taking our 9 year old cousin, who we all just met with them so they could by him a toy).

My mom is the one who was that Somebody. She said, "I'm glad you stayed, but, you could have gone and locked the side door."

I am so glad I didn't curse her out (which took all my restraint, by the way. ALL my restraint) because she bought a new stove and a new refrigerator for the house (the door was left open a little bit all night, I was told). The plumbing is also getting fixed and this is costing a lot of money.

Ah, the reason the houseguests are down here is because there's a family reuinon later today. If I survive, I will blog.

It will be long.

Mom & Michael

2009-07-08T03:33:00.002-05:00

Hey Everybody!

Mom has been here less than 5 hours and already I have TWO, count them, TWO, stories!! I believe these happened within the first hour of her being here.

First, as mentioned, she is not a fan of spiders. She checked her bathtub (where I thought there would be dead bodies) and she sees a live spider. She doesn't jump around or go up five octaves or anything, but, she allerts me to it and stares at it like it's Boo Didley from Super Mario Bros. 3, you know, so, like the antagonist in the Fortress of Desert Land, if one stares at it, it wont chase after you. I tell her don't touch it it's mine, don't touch it. When I leave, she is still staring at it.

I excuse myself to the kitchen to grab the needed instruments: a shot glass and a Glad Ware Soup & Salad lid.

I go back to my mom's bathroom and attempt to bring the little guy to safety via the clever means I have avaliable to me.

I start to get a little scared because he keeps evading me and the lid that's trying to chase him. I don't want him to get aggitated and bite me because I didn't know what kind of spider I was dealing with and the light wasn't on. I try a different tactic and put the shot glass down and at one point I think I smoosh him, but, fortunately, I didn't. It is so important to get the spider out of the bathtub because a spider who lands in a bathtub is certain to die. I don't know how they get in there, but, for some reason, though they can crawl on ceilings and fit into tight places, cannot crawl up the sides of a bathtub. It is very sad and very tragic.

I manage to get the spider out and most of its web on me. I was very upset (as I am sure so was he) because I destroyed his cubbord/refrigerator.

I notice that it has, I think, if I recall correctly, yellow and blue stripes on it. I saw in the bathtub that it had a slender body. I want to show my mom. My mom retreats into my room and tells me she doesn't want to see it, just get it outside.

She follows me down the hall, I'm still holding the Glad Ware lid atop which sits the perfectly docile spider encased in a shot glass that fits the center hole perfectly. My mom and I are talking and a few times she becomes increasingly panicky/short tempered and pleads that I put the spider outside already.

I demonstrated for her that the spider has two barriers: 1) Plastic and 2) Glass. The spider isn't penetrating either.

I show the spider outside and tip him out of the shot glass. I am pretty sure I appologized. I know I asked him to sneak back in when he could.

My mom gets upset at me because I turn the outside and inside light on. I have this silly little quirk about liking to sewhere I'm going.... I don't want to step into any of the prehistoric bugs they gots down here, which is why my mom wants me to turn off the lights, so we do not attract bugs in the house.

....Seems to me that if any of those nasty bugs get in the house, a spider would be good company....

Anyway, story two:

While cleaning out a server, a server where every drawer and cabinet is the motley drawer and motley cabinet, I come across a Rx bottle for my Papa Carmine from 1979.

1979.

Nineteen-Seventy-Nine.

My grandparents moved here in '76. It was a bottle from a Doctor in Blue Island, IL. I guess they were on vacation or something when my Papa needed the Rx.

Anyway, I told people about this: that it's such an old bottle, that nobody has gone through this place, that I'm going to save it to show mom so that she can see that this crap needs to be cleared out.

Everybody's overwhelming response: Thow it out. Throw it out, throw it out, throw it out. Why are you saving it? Throw it out.

Last night I show my mom this bottle. A-Ha!, I think, this will show her that we NEED to go through stuff here and get rid of this junk and update things et. al.

Her response...."I can use this bottle," and she pockets it.

RAWERERERJAELKRJEWLKJROARIJK;LEAJFMKAOEWKLJ.DKE;/FJOI4[Uedowj!!!!!!J Why didn't I just listen to everybody else?!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!?

My mom claims she can put pins or dimes in it.

Mark this day, Follower & Lurkers! I predict, that in the future, I will see that empty bottle shoved in the back of the clothes drawers here as I clear them.

In other news, yesterday was Michael Jackson's funeral. I missed it seeing as how I didn't get to bed until 0900 when the adrenaline ran out and, even if I was up, I probably would have been watching Mugglenet.com's live coverage of the London premier of HP6.....if I wasn't frantically cleaning.

Anyway, I missed it, but, not to fear: Every. Single. Channel. was covering it and rebroadcasting it (at least them cable news ones were). I saw people dancing in tribute.

Michael and dancers were supposed to be dancing for the new tour about this time, but, there were instead, people dancing in honour of his life.

It's not what we were expecting but, we are seeing Michael Jackson's dancers in early July.

Life is perfect, Life is the best.

Not as lonely as 3 A.M.

2009-07-07T05:48:00.000-05:00

It is around 5:30 in the morning, Harry Potter 6 opens next Wednesday, and I'm not in the least bit tired.Also, my mom is coming to visit me/attend to needed repairs.

She gave me an ultimatim a few days ago. I don't kill spiders. Spiders are our friends! I haven't had a problem yet, and though I see them crawling on my bedroom ceiling and walls and elsewhere in the house, I typically let them be. The only time I intervened was when they were in the kitchen. I transported them to the dining room.

Anyway, my mom knows my affection for spiders so she told me if she sees a spider, it's going outside (which, is, I know, a compromise). I am uncomfortable with it going outside because I don't know if the spider will be acclimated to the outdoors; at the very least, birds and snakes are outside.I began to argue with her and she told me, "Then I'm not going to come down there! I'm not living with spiders!" Yeah mom, great. Give me a scenario where I choose a side of this line in the sand you drew. Hard to say which side I'll come down on, the spiders I live with or....

My mom also told me I can't leave the house at midnight when she's here (I go shopping between 2300 & 0300). What's she going to do if I do, send me to my room?

I'm sure I'll C&P this all on my blog, so, if you read my blog, don't read the above.

Nope! Not tired in the least!

____ YOU, Krebs Elementary School!!!!

2009-06-22T01:43:00.003-05:00

May you burn in the lice infested cesspool torrent that can be created just for you!!!!! May you never get public funding again and may the children you teach intimidate you to your core until you crumble.

Whoever decided to put on the outside sign, "First Day of School: August 13," needs to be drug out into the street and shot.

Honestly, we're just at the beginning of Summer (and I meant to write this when I first saw this two weeks ago), and again, we have this public reminder to suck all the Summer out of Summer.

You're not cool, you're not funny, go to hell Krebs Elementary.

Why We ALL Hate Dealing With Looking For Work.

2009-06-09T14:56:00.002-05:00

This was originally an email sent to friends over a year ago.

On Thursday May 8, 2008, I was contacted by Camerin Strange, Office Services Recruiter, from The LaSalle Network. He said he saw my resume on CareerBuilder.com and wanted me to come in to interview for two phone position assignments they had availible. He went into a brief answer for each. I forgot what the first one was, but, I wasn't thrilled by it so I then asked him what the second one was , which was an Answering Service position they had for a client of thiers. The hours would be 3p to 11p at their client's location, Monday through Friday.

'AH' I thought. 'This is great!' I will be at an answering service, a job that I love and at which I am good, and my kind of hours, nonetheless. PLUS, no weekends; Camerin told me that for this position, there would be no weekends. I got to thinking about it and for a temp assignment, there wouldn't be, even though, should I have lasted to get hired on fully by that company, I probably would.

Let me interject now and say that I have interviewed at another answering service and am waiting for a call back from them. It has been one week since they said they would call me back one way or another and two weeks since I originally filled out an application. I say this for two reasons: 1) I have yet to give up home that they will call, and 2) The woman made it clear that, should I be hired, I would have to work one day every weekend. No problem.

I asked Camerin Strange, Office Services Recruiter for the LaSalle Network, which is a staffing agency, who told me about this temp-to-hire position, if anybody had ever been hired to working for this client from their temp status. I was assured that yest they have, that there would be room for growth in this company, and that there were benefits with this company (their client) as well. Camerine then sent me an e-mail confirming the interview and reminding me what he told me over the phone:

"3. Three Items to Bring to Your Interview

a. Two forms of government identification (driver's license, passport, SS card, etc.)
b. The names and phone numbers of two past supervisors that we can contact for a reference.
c. Clean, hard copy of your resume, in addition to the resume you will e-mail to our office assistant as requested above. Her e-mail again is: chicagoresumes@thelasallenetwork.com."

So, if we are all paying attention, they will have three resume's of mine in total by the time I got there, the one as seen on carrerbuilder.com, the one I e-mailed to them, and the hard copy I would bring.

Camerin also told me to look at the attachment included in the e-mail.

I couldn't see the attachment and although I e-mailed him my resume on Thursday, I waited until Sunday night to e-mail him about the attachment (because I wanted to make sure that there wasn't something I was mising as there was something that gave me the option to, "View," but, it didn't open) as well as I couldn't remember if he said the attire was business casual or business professional, and, even though they would have 3 copies of my resume, would they need me to fill out the application on their website (although I didn't say it, it would have been to save time).

Camerin called me at 9:29 Monday morning saying that the attire was buisness casual, that he would re-send the attachment, and that I didn't need to fill out the application online.

I got a reminder call at 4:53 that day from a young woman who works at the LaSalle Network saying I had an 11 a.m. interview the next morning and a few things to remember, 1) The dress is business professional, 2) Bring in two forms of identification, 3) Bring a hard copy of my resume, 4) Get there 1/2 hour early to fill out an application.

Some of you may be rolling your eyes at this point because I wanted to fill out the application online to save time and they clearly told me I didn't have to do that but now they wanted me to come in early to fill out the application. It is probalbly because the online application meant nothing overall and that they wanted a hard, hand written copy, of the application. The online application was possibly no more than an announcement to the LaSalle Network that one is looking for a job. There has not been a staffing agency to which I have been that didn't require one to fill out an application. Furthermore, even with looking for a job online, if I provide a copy of my resume in html or text form, they still want me to fill out the stupid application that the site provides. Some even specify, "Do not type [write], 'Please see resume.'"

Besides, if you start rolling your eyes now, you wont be able to read the rest of my adventure.

The LaSalle Network is in Chicago. 200 N. LaSalle St, Ste 2400, which is 7/10 of a mile away from the Metra Station. It's a straight walk down, don't even have to cross over to the other side of the street, so, it wasn't too bad of a walk, but, I'm not a fan of the 1 hour 20 minute train ride and was considering driving to the prospective job (if I interviewed well enough to get that job), desptite having to possibly pay to park, because even though I didn't know where the client's place of business was, I knew, from Camerin, that it was a little north of 200 N. LaSalle. IF I got that position/assignment, hours 1500 to 2300, and the next train on the Metra Rock Island District Line leaves at 11:05 pm, I would have to wait until the last train of the day, which leaves at 1230 in the morning, which, technically, is the first outbound train of the day. I would have had to possibly have walked past homeless people, but, all in all, it's not like it would require me to go through a shady area. I would have had to wait a while though. I'd get off the train at 1:29, should the train run on time and I'd be home at, on average, 1:50 in the morning.

I get to the building and after checking in with security and getting on the wrong elevator and going past security and explaining that I had agreed too hastily the first time about where I was going, he told me the right way to go.

I get up to Suite 2400 and, lo and behold, Camerin has done his job well!! There were so many people when I went to the desk to check in, after they greeted me, they gave me a stack of paperwork to fill out, and told me that they were sorry and that there were no pens left and did I have a pen? A staffing agency with no pens. They're on the ball, they are. To be honest, I was lucky I had a chair and a clipboard.

I filled the things out and handed them back. I was told that as soon as there was a free computer, they would test my skills.

I am pretty sure I checked on the one sheet that I knew MicrosoftWord, but, they did not test me on it, something I thought was odd, but yet thinking, 'Well, it's not like I'll have to do this for the answering service, I was grateful for because that rest would have taken more time. I was tested on General Office knowledge, one minute timed typing test, and a three minute timed typing test. I scored 41/47 on my General Office test (I wonder if it was the math or the spelling that I had the most trouble with, a 56 wmp on the one minute test with two mistakes, so the actual score was 54 wmp, and a 61 wpm on the three minute test with 0 mistakes, meaning, that for three minutes, on average, I typed over a word a second correctly. I was told before I began testing that they would throw the lower of my scores out and that I didn't need to print, they would worry about that.

I went back up to the desk and told them that I was done with the testing. I think the girl was trying to print out the tests, but, for some reason, it was giving her trouble. To make use of the time not printing (I couldn't see the computer, for all I know she could have been checking her e-mail), she asked me for my two forms of ID and had me fill out tax forms, with the, "Super happy fun pink pen!" It was a sparkly pink pen with black ink, but, at least they now had a pen, which was I think one of the messages she was trying to tell me. I filled out the tax forms at one of the desks (one of them was now free), where my IDs were returned to me.

I was impressed with filling out the tax forms because I though, 'Surely this means I'm going to get hired for the position. Maybe I wont even have to interview because they are so impressed with my resume that they are offering me the job right away.'

I completed those forms along with one of all their rules as an employee of theirs I had to initial and returned it back to the desk.

Shortly after that, my name was called (correctly, something which Camerin couldn't do either call and something I had to correct the one girl when I was first incorrectly addressed) by "Steve Mikrut, Director Call Center Staffing & Recruiting" as it says on his card.

I was told in the e-mails and the literature I got while I was at the LaSalle Network that I would be meeting with at least two, possibly three people who would interview me.

I followed Steve to an interview room, a room where the wall with the door and the wall perpendicular was painted blue and the other two walls were painted yellow. There was a round table in the room and two chairs.

I told him I was there because I was told about the answering service position from 3p to 11p which I was interested in and that I am looking for a carrer and not a job, and not just an assignment. He asked if I was interested in perm-to-hire positions and though I think I hesitated, I said that I was interested as long as they would result in me being hired outright by the company who was using my services, but, I was there for the answering service position.

Very quietly, and I empnhasize this because he had not been this soft spoken prior, he said, "Our client filled that position yesterday."

He then went on, "I don't want you to leave The LaSalle Network thinking that we brought you here under false pretenses..." I did not think they had, to tell the truth. I thought that, at best, there was a failure to communicate. However, assuming that they DID get me in there under false pretenses, they still don't want me to leave thinking they did.

Steve asked me what I knew about The LaSalle Network. I told him I knew it was a staffing agency, and asked him if there was more to it. He said that yes there was because even though they were a staffing agency, they were better than that, they were a higher class staffing agency. "I'm not going to compare us to ManPower. I cannot promise that we have a job out there for everybody." "That's all right," I said, "I've been through ManPower and they weren't able to find me any work, either. If you want to distance yourself from them, that's okay."

It turns out, that they are in the same boat as ManPower because neither was able to find me work.

I kept emphasizing that I was looking for a career at this point in my life, that I am ready to settle down, and I do not want assignments, but, I was told that (and he asked me if I spoke with Camerin) there was the answering service position and that that company has hired people from The LaSalle Network in the past as full time for them. I told him that I was particularly good at that type of work and any over the phone work that they may need, I can talk to people in person if they needed me for that type of work, but, I am good at over the phone. "But, what about customer service?" "Yes, I can do Customer Service positions."

I asked him if he was going to check out my references, as they would provide him with the truth (that I'm a good worker, that, except for two staffing agency assignments, which I left, the only reason that I hadn't had any long term work was because, even though I was told some of my assignments would be temp-to-hire, my assignment was always up by day 88 (if I was there for 90 days, the company would have to have brought me on to their payroll full time), and in one case (two, actually, but, I forgot the second), the one company called me back two more times, that I am punctual, that I am respectful, and that I was always at work when needed). He looked down, between my application on the table and his chest with a panicked, wide-eye look as if his mind was thinking, "How am I going to tell her I'm not going to check out her references?"

We were going over my resume and job history and I told him that I have been through three staffing agencies and I told him once or twice, "You know how it is, it is either feast or famine with staffing agencies; they either have a few assignments lined up or it's months of waiting inbetween." He nodded at this.

We got through talking a little bit more, "But have you ~EVER~ worked in customer service?" I told him yes. After high school and after college I worked at Catherines/Plus Sizes and Phillips 66, respectively. In addition to that, I also did over the phone customer service through a staffing agency.

He told me that the competition is fierce and that it's tough finding a job out in the world (he was saying all this after he didn't think I had the correct qualifications). Really? Hadn't noticed.

I think it was somewhere around this time he took objection to me calling him, 'sir,' incidentally, and wanted to be reffered to by his name, which is fine.

We got to discussing my application a little bit more and the gaps in my employment history, and this was when I told him about the assignments I left early, one being the one for a car dealership where I had to get people to come in to the dealership promising them they could leave with a car, even though their income was negative.

"That's what I don't get!" he said. "Why do you have this down on your resume if it's a job you didn't like?"

Perhaps he meant if it's a job I left, but, I told him, it is because it is one of my most recent jobs and if I put down something else, my resume would look that much shadier, making hiring people wonder, 'did she not work for these 16 months?' He should have known, by common sense in his field and because I kept hinting at it and explaining it to him, that I had some assignments that were only a day or so as well as these bigger week(s) to month(s) ones.

"But, WHY?" he asked me; why did so many of my assignments end prior to 90 days? I told him they just ended, but, if he checks out my references, especially the ones from the staffing agencies, where, hopefully, they have a complete record of my time with them, they could give him more detail.

AND, note, instead of him seeing that I was called, again and again, for different assignments, he asked why didn't I ever have a static assignment, when that's not what having an assignment is about.

He asked if I was looking for permanent work at this time (not now, but when I was working through assignment agencies). I confessed I was not. He asked why. I told him it was so I could be avalible for the next assignment and I wanted to get in experience. He said at this point that, "It seems to me, that experience comes with the longer you last at a job. They'll give you more responsibilities." "Yes, I understand that now, but, I didn't then. For example, my last job, for three of the five months I was there, I was training the new girls, and I say new girls because there was only one guy working there at that time."

So, even this point, that for over half the time I was there, I was a trainer for the job, and I'm reliable, and even though, I scored a 61 wpm with zero errors on the test, and I am polite and mindful, if not respectable to authority, apparently, because of my work history, I was told, "I won't be able to place you." He told me that his clients want to see people with work histories denoting that they have been at their jobs at least 6 to 8 months.

"When you say, 'I wont be able to place you, do you mean, 'I, Steve, will not be able to place you,' or, 'The LaSalle Network will not be able to place you'?"

Very quitely, he said, "The LaSalle Network will not be able to place you."

He asked if I had any other questions.

I asked him if he would have a talk with Camerin.

*pause*. Very quietly, "I will have a conversation with him."

I told him that if there was a recording of the conversation, to go back and listen to the recording, because I could have sworn that is the reason I was coming in to the interview today.

You know how when somebody tries to sell you something, they talk fast and they use buzz words to explain something? And if you try to ask them for clarification, they just repeat the same phrase using the buzz words? That is typically what happens when I go to an interview, especially at a staffing agency, but, that didn't happen this time. As a matter of fact, Steve was looking at me with a deer in the the headlights look on his face and in his eyes. He was quieter at times than others, and he seemed kind of, in general, nervous.

He seemed relieved when I was very understanding about not being able to be employed there. I'm not that fussed about it to tell you the truth. I mean, if they wanted people with 6 to 8 months at least of experience in any one solid job, just to assign them to something that would be temporary, and not that familiar with how staffing agencies work, then I clearly would not be the best fit for them.

During the walk of shame back to the train, a woman asked me for money for the train. She said she was not homeless but just got out of the pen. Even though I was just rejected for employment, I gave her money. And, if she was in the pen for a while and had a job while in there, who knows, if it was over 6 months long, perhaps she can go to The LaSalle Network and they could place her.

For the love of all things Holy....

2009-06-04T20:14:00.003-05:00

I was fired from the job I had for a month this morning. I will blog about that later. I say this to segue into the following. It is the epitome of all firing stories. A friend I have loves it so much that whenever I am let go she compares it to this story and some of the time when I mention religion she mentions this event.

The event is as such:

Once upon a time, Attia didn't have a job. Attia loves God and Attia saw in one of the bulletins of the church she went to that they needed Religious Education Teachers. It was volunteer, but, it was at least a reason to get out of the house.

I don't remember what grade it was, but, I called up to inquire about it, and was told that somebody had already taken that grade, but, there was another grade (I think 6 or 7-8), would I want that one? I said yes.

I was informed later, by the Director of Religious Education that somebody had just taken that one (after it was offered to me, meaning, I got it, but, then, because somebody else wanted it, it was given to them), how would I like 2nd Grade? BUT, not any second grade. THIS second grade was for the newly newly mostly non-practicing Catholic children. There was another second grade for the practicing Catholic children, but, the one I would be teaching would be continued through next year (when the children could receive the Eucharist).

These children were blank slates. I could teach them.

I hate curricula. I had to teach them from approved texts. These texts didn't have an Imprimatur or Nahil Obstat. ....Which is what one would expect from a church with a DRE.....

I was informed that addressing the children by "Mr." or "Miss" & their last name would be improper. I did this for the first class, anyway.

I was told not to do that and again, instructed not to sit at the desk, but, rather, sit at the table with them. This IS school, but, it's not.

At one point, I was asked a question about guardian angels and I didn't have the information memorized. I looked up the passages in the Bible (and I told this to a former Professor I had, and she was surprised that it was in the Bible at all....thought it was just something told to little kids...) and had each child (there were three) and myself read a passage about guardian angels and then I explained it a little bit more.

What was I told by the DRE? "Don't read from the Bible it will befuddle their little minds!"

Anyway, our lessons had to be approved by the DRE, so, I would submit my lesson plans to her. She would tweek them a bit to where they would fit in her approval.

I was called in one day to either come in on a Tuesday or Wednesday and submit my plans to her. I knew it wasn't the reason, I KNEW IT, but, still, I stayed at the library one Sunday to plan it all out.

And sure enough, she was letting me go. I don't remember everything she said, but, one of the prefaces was, "...I have given this a lot of prayer..."

I tell you, The Reader, this for one reason and one reason only.

My friend thinks it's hiLARious that this woman used the Holy Spirit as an excuse to fire me.

...I couldn't get over that I was let go from a VOLUNTEER position, myself....

Another thing, I was yelled at because we hadn't yet made our prayer cloth. Apparently, it's a craft project where the kids could paint or color this white cloth however they wanted and we would use it to open up in prayer each session.

......Forgive me if we had more pressing matters, like teaching them the basics of the Catholic faith....

Anyway, again, whenever I am let go or anything like this happens, my friend compares it to the excuse of I was let go FOR SOMETHING I WAS NOT BEING PAID FOR because of the Holy Spirit.

Of all the excuses, that one is still the most outrageous. Should anything top it, you all will know.

Because I had a lot for which to answer....

2009-05-28T11:50:00.003-05:00

Have I mentioned I have a new job? I've had it for a month now (four weeks, since the first Thursday in May). I am an operator at the answering service down here. I got it because the Manager here called the Manager at the service I used to work at and she gave me an very high review including the remark she'd take me back in a second (she told me this).

I love this work, it's not something everybody can do or wants to do or is committed to doing. One has to deal with all sorts of people (our clients and their customers), some who are nice, some who are volitile, many different people with different accents, that we need to decipher via bad connections, without the use of body language or lip reading. One has to sit for long periods of time. Some of these calls have a high priority. A call that comes in on a line/account from a person saying they cannot breathe or their _______________ is on fire, needs to be called out right away......which is kind of hard to do here, especially if another call like that is on hold.

This service is different than the one where I was trained. Speed is essential here, not accuracy. One can play back one's own calls, though, as pointed out to others, if the call has static or a bad connection during the initial call, playback will not help, and it is necessary to ask the caller to repeat what s/he said. There can be four operators at most taking calls here. In IL, there could be up to 11 (typically, though, depending on the day shifts, there were between 4 and 9). Here, around 300 accounts; there between 400 - 500. Here, we see the calls holding via account and they go into a communal holding once saved. There, we saw the numbers holding, and each operator was responsible for fully finishing that call before he/she took the next one.

I wasn't getting the hang of things, really getting it, until this Monday. THAT is because I had been chewed out by a supervisor (to whom I apolgized because I was in the wrong), and had one on one time with her, her daughter, another worker, both overnight people, AND the trainer (all since being there). One of the overnight girls (the non-supervisor one) and the daughter of the other supervisor suggested, in my downtime, I go throught all the accounts and read how each client wants us to handle their calls, and if I have any questions, ask (this way I wont be caught off guard with a new call). Another girl gave me the advice to not use the mouse and to try to get these calls out in under a minute, and, do not say, "Yes, Miss," but rather, "Yes, Ma'am". The mother supervisor has stressed time and again and again (because I needed to be told repeatedly), try not to take calls that would require the person to call back to the office anyway. Offer to take the call, sure, but, these are calls that will be holding, and that is annoying.

I stayed for over 12 hours on Monday, the holiday (but, I only put in my 7 hour shift....which I got in the first place because another girl quit) to help the two senior operators (though, truth be told, I thought I'dve been more of a liability) because I offered because it would be them and a girl who had been there for under 2 weeks....who, I think, has already quit. That morning was hectic because we had old people calling in wanting to know if their nurses would visit them that day. By comparison, that afternoon/evening was easy.

The next day, Tuesday, I was totally getting it. Most everything clicked. It just all fell into place. I was doing so well, the Daughter of the One Supervisor showed me how to edit information in accounts and how to put in information on other accounts on which one needs to be trained.

....Also on Tuesday, we, the service, received a call....let me rephrase, I, ~I~ received a call. I had never seen this account before in my life, I'm not even sure if I had been told about it, but, it is a VERY high priority company. The first question we are to ask after we answer for the company is, "Is this a life threatening emergency?"

I didn't know that.

I answered the phone per the greeting the client wants us to use and was informed right away, "This is a test....." The guy on the other end wanted to know how we'd handle a call and what questions we were to ask and who was on call in a state primarily and secondarily. It goes against everything we are trained to do to give out first and last name on call information...but, I did it anyway. I answered all his questions. One of the last things he said to me was, "Very good." It seemed like a passing statement. I did put on the account that it was a test (we doccument every call that comes in....mostly....I should probably start doing that...).

Like I said before, we have a communal holding for the messages. If there's a message holding, it comes up on a pop-up when we type in the command to see it.

My boss saw that message.

He typed in the chat (as we have a type of IM thing within the software at this location), "How did we do?"

An operator who has been working here for three years (the trainer), replied, "I DON'T KNOW, ATTIA TOOK THE CALL."

He replied, and I cannot emphasize enough how much of a direct quote this is and I don't know if he did it because of his confidence in me as an operator for him (which, again, hasn't been glowing), or because I was unaware of what to do because I had never seen this account, "ah crap.....Attia?"

I found it ammusing myself.

I had to play back the message to see what the guy said, because, apparently, it was a real test. We are supposed to right away ask if it's a life threatening emergency as soon as we give the greeting. I didn't know this. We were told by Trainer that sometimes they will not say it's a test, they will have a scenario set up where it's a caller calling in, just to see how the call is handled. Daughter of the one Supervisor said something along the lines of she might have been conflicted because giving on call info, especially last names, goes against all our training. We do not know who is on the other side of the line, and I have been told, there were times, when last names were given, and the caller would then look up the person in the phonebook and call the listed number.

So.......hopefully, we did well.

Other than that, a girl who was there for a few weeks has already quit....and, I don't know what happened with that other girl mentioned earlier. The night supervisor has a vacation coming up in two weeks, and the other night girl is leaving to get married and move to GA at the beginning of July....which, the manager has yet to know.

I mentioned that I want to work the afternoon/overnight shift, but, I don't think I'm ready. Though I have shown remarkable improvement, I think it may still be a bit premature to think I can handle being alone at this place, should everything go wrong at once (there are radios connected to some of our accounts, there's weather radios, that if something wonky is happening, I'd have to page it out, there is one account that uses an automated voice to call in case something is down in the field, there are pagers that go off in case something is down in the field, not to mention the emergency calls we would get from people needing a fire put out, an on call nurse, something has gone down in the field, or the non-emergency disgruntled people who are upset that I cannot help them with something, when they were told and the number they called says, "24 Hour Customer Support".

...And speaking about that last account, no, no I do NOT have an accent. Just because I ask people what TOWN do they live in and they hear TIME does not mean it's on my end.....Clearly it's their hearing....

New Jaerb

2009-05-07T14:18:00.002-05:00

Hey all. I was informed that "real" bloggers blog everyday. With that in mind and with me anxious to do a bit of typing, here we go. It'll be short, but, for all of you interested, and I know there are plenty, here it is.

I quit my old job after two months, one week. The short story (and I hope to expand on this one day), is the boss, after I asked her what time does she want me to come in tomorrow (which was Saturday), she said that's what she wanted to talk to me about. I had been working the past three days there for three hours a day, and it still seemed like I was putting in a full day's work. She asked me if I wanted the job and I said no. She asked me if I was looking for other employment and I said yes. She told me she wanted me to take the weekend and pray about it (i.e., do not come in on Saturday). We talked some more. Towards the end of the conversation, she asked me if I was coming in on Saturday (uh, no...you just said...). She didn't ask me as a test, I don't think, but, because she really is that loopy.

I called her house up on Monday (the shop is closed that day but she does door-to-door missionary work), and left a message saying I tender my resignation (and a friend, a grown friend with children encouraged me to say that because she probably wouldn't know what, "tender," means in this context....have I mentioned the "2:47" remark?) and I will be in on Friday to collect my paycheck.

And I did. I went in on Friday and she said she wanted me to read something. She handed me an envelope with the contract I signed, the things I wrote for her that I said I could do for her to make her business grow, and a slip of paper that said, "Remember the contract you signed." Yes. I remember. It said that if I quit on Janell before the six months I said I'd work for her, she has the right to keep my last paycheck. I remember because I typed it that way (before it read like if one quit or if one was fired...but, not those words). I told her, while she was styling somebody's hair, "Yes, I remember, and I worked last Friday for three hours. That is my last paycheck." "Oh, I'm going to give it to you. I just wanted to make sure you remembered." Heh. Yeah, I remembered.

Incidentally, my last paycheck, 3 hours at $6. She can keep that under $20 (although, by rights, legally I should have it).

So, I wasn't looking for work, really, but, taking the time to further unpack my stuff into this house (which I had to move stuff and pack stuff and throw away stuff in) to make it more mine. The only thing I did (and there's a little bit more to this story as well) was go to the city's Police Dep't the Friday of the week I didn't work and picked up an application to be the Dispatch/Operator here in town. It was 24 pages.

I figured I'd work on it over the weekend. It was due the 29th.

On Tuesday Morning, 0500, I still hadn't finished, I figured I'd go to bed, get some rest, wake up, finish it, and hand it in comfortably that afternoon.

At 0800 I got a call from the answering service here in town. They wanted me to interview there. There's more to this story, but, after checking a reference, they hired me. I began Thursday at 2200.

I will work part time afternoons (and weekends) for Oklahoma Minimum Wage. It is more hours and more money (and taxes deducted) than I was making at Janell's.

It's more high stress than the other answering service where I worked, but, I am still getting a feel for it.

I hope to blog more later. ...Perhaps tomorrow.

It was just so wrong

2009-04-04T13:03:00.003-05:00

(Originally posted elsewhere in November, 2008.)

Part of me should re-evaluate and appreciate the new take on the old tale, from Lillith to Carmilla and every strigoi and succubus inbetween and since, one can only re-invent the wheel so many times, and, to be fair, I have not yet read the book, so, I don't know how much of this is the book's fault or the movie's fault, but, independant of the book, the movie had problems.

The movie stars Robert Pattinson. If his name sounds familiar, you spend way too much time on imdb.com. If his face looks familiar, it is because he was in the fourth Harry Potter movie. He played the dead 17 year old kid. In this movie, he plays the dead 17 year old kid. I mean, *spoiler alert*.

I have never wanted a vampire in a movie to die...any vampire...not once. Despite the Bela Legosi Dracula being so boring I couldn't wait for the movie to end, I never asked for a Barabbas trade-off. Despite rolling my eyes at every John Carpenter Vampire movie I have ever deigned to sit through, I have never rooted against the vampire. I still hate the scene where Madaline and Claudia are incinerated and if I ever see that movie again, I will avert my eyes as it is the most disturbing scene of any movie. This movie changed my record. I, at one point in the movie, was motioning, wishing I could stake the whole damned thing so that it wouldn't drag itself or anyone else down along with it.

And, I guess that is how I am approaching this movie and how this review is going to go, along the line of the vampire, not so much the movie, or the acting, or the casting, but mostly, the vampire, because the movie makes one ask, "What in the name of Barnabas Collins is going on and why do I care?" Hang on you little spider monkey's, we're going to movie quickly from tree topic to tree topic.

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start, and, continuing with this, the movie starts with a deer, a female deer running. Did somebody conjure a patronus to keep this movie at bay? If only.

We soon learn of the lead female (who looks like a Designer Imposter's Generic Allysa Millano) that she is leaving her mom and her mom's husband in Senator McCain Land to live in the Blue State of Washington. I don't just mean politically, I mean, the film has a tint to it that, if it were a musical piece, would be in a minor key...with a minor chord...played slowly. Horror movies typically implore this same sort of technique to heighten the anticipation; it is typically night or dark or rainy....even when it's in sunlight. This movie had a flushed look about it. It was really a detraction from the movie. Where was I? Ah yes, Washington. Ummm...she meets a guy....an American Indian and his dad...? His dad is friends with her dad and the two India....Nativ...First Nati...Red Me....(the dad is in a wheel chair, btw), have restored a red van for her, which her dad bought for her. We learn that younger Native, goes to high school on a reservation.

The next scene we see is What's Her Face driving to her new school. She gets out of the car and leaves the windows rolled down. She is accosted by an Asian male, who, is apparently straight, despite his mannerisms and body language saying otherwise. He introduces her to other teens...or maybe they glam on to her...I don't know, but, at one point, she notices, or maybe they point out these other kids. These other kids are pale, keep to themselves, and have seemingly almost-incestuous relationships (for, you see, though they are not related, they apparantly, for all intents and purposes live as siblings...for all anybody knows).

I don't know if it is before lunch or after lunch that New Girl has biology. She is told to sit in the only empty seat...which, perhaps is next to the vampire to show the void in his life and all of his Existential life is meaningless and tragic in his vampric state, and she is assigned to sit there to metaphorically fill this void...naaaaahhhh.

She sits next to him and he involuntarily/reactionarily motions to retch. He covers his hand and his nose with his mouth. The friend who bought the tickets to this show whispered, 'oh! he's covering up his fangs. *squee*'....but, in this series, vampires do not have fangs. Yes, the one thing that associates/symbolizes best the vampire to modern western audiences, and they, like many other things pertinent to storytelling, are lacking in this movie. Let me digress a bit by saying, I'm not sure how soon sharp teeth evolved in the vampire myths, or when, but, for over 100 years, to a western mindset, the sharp teeth going into the soft yielding skin of the victim has been sexual in nature. ...I guess that I've just answered my own question seeing as how there is no sexuality in this movie and no masculine representation can be found therein. If a vampire wants human blood, I have read about this series, s/he just has to bite down...really hard...which makes sense because when Leading Girl gets bit, one could see an entire teeth imprint.

Creepy Stalking Peeping Kid avoids this girl...except when he appears in her room at night. He stays out of school a few days to gather himself....or something. But, one day, he comes back, and he keeps staring at the Girl while she is at her truck and he's at the Hummer of his "siblings" when all of a sudden, another student almost crashes into her, but, despite him not being anywhere near this girl, he protects her by using his Jame's Dean pouffant pompadoor to bounce off the van aiming for her.

Then she's at the hospital. She's being checked out by Uber Pale Face's "Dad". She was stating how Uber Pale Face saved her...miraculously. He wasn't there and then he was and the other vehicle was smashed. Doctor: Really? That doesn't suprise me in the least and instead of passing this off as remembering wrong or something, I'm just going to continue listening to you while being patronizing, okay?

Next Scene: Still at the hospital. Banged up Girl walks to hear Uber Pale Face ("Edward", I guess...) talk to his, "parents" who reprimand him how he could have messed up everything and that this can't be good for their "family".

Edward sees that Girl is listening and goes over to her and he does the natural thing that starts off all great relationships: he lies.

Then we don't see and hear him for some time. The only thing worse than this movie with Edward is this movie without him. He next appears and speaks during a field trip. Besides that, I think it is this part of the movie that has the best message for a movie promoting chastity: either dream about the one kid you can't get off your mind or, if you are that kid, go up to the room of the girl you find attractive and watch her sleep...in her underwear. That's sweet, and not in any way a sign that you're planning to shoot a President.

Right, so, there's a field trip, to a green house or something, and, then there's...plenty of all sorts of forgetable things.

Ummmm....at one point, Edward and New Girl Friend are in...his...vehicle? Anyway, they both reach for the radio dial at the same time, and she comments, in a very obviously cliche'd manner, how cold he is. Despite this, they later make out...and kiss...and hold hands....and touch generally. We don't hear how awkward or uncomfortable his nippy body is.

But, we know how uncomfortable it looks. We know this because this movie is 80% face. This movie gets MUCH too close on everybody's surly vissage. I know all the dermatological issues of every actor in this movie. Every. Single. One. There has not been so many close ups close up on faces looking since a 1975 episode of, "General Hospital."

Anyway, back to the penance. Remember the American Indian Kid? No? Well, there was one, and, at one point he and two of his friends meet up with Girl and some of her friends at the beach. It is there that he tells her of the story of that other kid. It turns out that that pale "family" was hunting on his ancestors land a century or so ago. His ancestors found them red handed and the two sides made a pact: as long as the Uber Palies never hunted on their land and killed their animals (I think the Palies killed a wolf...and the tribe is named after the wolf or has a wolf spirit or something that I'm sure doesn't matter anyway, and, in a flash-back scene, a tribesman (or persons) were seen WEARing a WOLF skin, so, remember, wolf), and the Wolf Peoples would never tell the moderately pale faces what the REALLY pale faces are.

This new fauxledge makes Girl investigate so she can know more. She looks up things online and buys a book where it dawns on her, this new guy in her life is a vampire! (Props to her, though, for admitting it quicker than Harker.)

She buys the book and, I think we get to see Edward again...and then after a run in with her friends, he takes her out to dinner. And then, some other forgetable things happen.

At one point he takes her into the middle of the woods...PERFECT place to kill her, but, no. He makes her articulate what he is. He then goes into a soliloquy of how he is the perfect predator, how everything about him is designed for him to attract to kill. He doesn't DO any of these things, by golly, no, but, he gives his resume about how he is perfect for the job...of killing...which he was designed to do...naturally... But, then, Edward tells Girl that he wont kill her....intentionally....because he and his "family" are vegitarian vampires. They only drink the blood of animals. Drinking only animal blood is neither new nor vegitarian for a vampire, as a matter of fact, a vampire could be defined/identified simply by the livestock dying off. It is this redefining of fiction and assigning new words to mean what they clearly do not that raises red flags.

This is the highlight of Edward's "I need you, You MUST leave me forever," bipolarism that splatters this movie. He tells her that she is his drug. She's. Like. Heroin.

At some point, they are in the woods again, but, not before Bella...THAT's it!! THAT'S Girl's name! Bella. But, not before Bella, meets Edward's parents. Who are cooking for her...and welcoming of her...despite them not wanting her to know anything when they were in the hospital. Right, so, she meets the family: Doctor, Wife, Jock, Angry, Bisexual, and Blond Edward Scissor Hands....who is the youngest. Angry doesn't like Bella now.

Edward gives Bella a tour of his very modern and open, all windows house. Yes. All windows. These vampires do not fear sun and are not slaves to time. We'll get to that later. First, though, Edward does not sleep. Ever. Nope, never. He doesn't have a coffin to block out the sunlight, he doesn't have to have earth from his homeland to rejuvinate him, no Lazarus chamber or nothing. He does not sleep during the night, he does not sleep in the light. He does not sleep in a bed, he does not slumber with the undead. He can do better things with his time if he watches Bella sleep. Right, so, his house, and now, we go outside.

What happens outside one may ask (though, hopefully nobody reading this)? Edward goes into a monologue again. After he expositions for another 15 minutes, he concludes with, 'You want to see what happens when we go in the sun?' And he goes in the sun. And the audience expects to see something horrid. And the audience is right. He turns around and it appears....the sun makes him sweat. But, no, I'm wrong. "OOOH!! You're like a diamond!" It wasn't beads of perspiration I saw but Edward sparkling glitter. I'm glad Bella said something (but at the same time must point out, that if a movie has to tell you what's happening because it cannot actually physically convey it to the senses, it is doing something wrong and should be in radio) because I would never have picked up on that. So, to recap: if a vampire in this series goes out in the sun, do not take a picture because he will take forever to load on your myspace page. One final thing about this, I was going to compare this to a stripper, as female strippers have this new thing of wearing glitter, and, it's an appropriate corelation because his shirt is open so one gets to see more of his sparkly body.

If you think that is the stupidest thing about the movie, well, do you have another thing comming! If you thought that vampires only play apple hacky-sack, well, do you have another thing comming! It turns out, vampires also play baseball. At least American ones do. But, not just regular baseball, no. Stormy Baseball. And, I would like to emphatically stress thoroughly that if this movie doesn't tell you a reason, you just have to sit there and wonder WHY on EARTH can't you get ye flask....I mean, WHAT in the WORLD is going on. Case in point, one of the vampire family members asks Bella to ump their baseball game, because they can only play in the rain, for a reason, well, she'll see *wink*. After two hits, my friend asks, "I don't get it why do they have to play in the rain?" ...It's not so much the rain as it is a thunderstorm. You see, they hit the ball with the bat with so much force, it sounds like a clap of thunder. This movie doesn't let the laws of physics ruin the imposibility of the vampires transfering their supernatural powers to inanimate objects so that a) a bat can hit the ball without doing damage to either, b) the wood of the bat knocking a baseball to make a sound loud enough to be heard by others miles away, less enough to change that sound into sounding like thunder, and c) the ability for a regular wooden bat to hit a regular baseball, thrown with supernatural force, and keeping all things involved unbroken, sending the ball miles away.

Angry still hates Bella.

Then, some other vampires come into the movie. They're not, "New," per se, because we have seen them before earlier in the movie, as a matter of fact, they were talked about by the family of vampires (which, I believe, defined, is a "coven") in an obvious sort of way...unless you're a naive character in the movie, but, if we focused on them, we wouldn't see so much Bellward Face. So, new vampires come onto the field and Angry gets defensive for Bella. Bad vampires leave.

In a later scene, Black Vampire (who has had more time in front of a screen being interviewed for this movie than in the actual movie) is at the Coven Home to give a warning: He doesn't want to get involved in anything but those other two that he was with do. That guy vampire he was with, has senses unrivaled. That woman he was with, don't underestimate her.

Ugh. Is this over yet?

Right, and, yes, so, since Bad Vampire, I think his name is, "Team James," who, hasn't really been developed, is now hunting Bella. You know how we got the speech from Team Edward before? Now, to demonstrate, is Team James.

Edward gets the idea to have Bella run away...and then be separated from her. Within a matter of five minutes however, Bella is back in Washington (Forks, Washington...I don't know if that's trying to be clever in any way) facing James...in a ballet studio. Yes, no fangs, Edward just wanting to hold Bella and not go any further, and the climax of the movie is in a ballet studio...so help me God I want Stephen Segal and Chuck Norris cast in the next movie.

Capsaisin doesn't hurt vampires. I lost that one. I thought for sure that pepper spray WOULD actually burn a vampire, but, no, not in Twilight. I mean, garlic repells them but....ah....I keep forgetting, this is the vampire redefined.

Yes, then, at a moment I wanted to explain to my friend when she said, "At least we know a cross can't hurt them," as there was a equiform plus sign thing in the ballet studio, which had no effect on any of the vampires (Edward got there before the others, but, the others did get there. I should probably say that Bella arrived alone.). It's confession time: a cross could not originally harm/kill/repell a vampire. Vampire stories developed thousands of years before Catholocism and Her symbols, crosses didn't originally play into any vampire story. We have that in our collective psyche thanks to Stoker's piece of Christian propeganda.

Right, and remember when Black Vampire said that James' senses are without equal? Jock and Blond Edward Scissor Hands take the arms of James and hold him and Bisexual Vampire snaps his neck. They then burn him. In the ballet studio. While all this is happening, in the ballet studio, Bella was bitten, in the ballet studio. Edward sucks the venom out of her arm (yes, that's right, venom....maybe it's like, because, if they ARE of the devil, and the devil was represented as a snake....or, the author/director doesn't know what the hell they are on about), and, it is alluded to, some of her blood. I know it makes for a believable event in the scene of the movie, but, having another person sucking on your arm...again and again and again...to get that shot has got to be VERY uncomfortable...and odd...and germy.

Bella passes out and wakes up in the hospital. A lie told to her mom is then told to her as Edward "sleeps" (his arms change position on the wide shot and close up; look for it) and her mom leaves the room. It is then Edward's turn, one final Toby Maguire sized, "you have to leave me forever," angsty push before Bella says no.

Everybody goes back to Forks just in time for Prom! One final kiss (on a neck) and the movie ends.

I'm currently ovulating. That being said, even at this time, this movie is too girly.

All the comments of it is a romance for tweens...but, that's not what a vampire has ever been. Either we're going to present a vampire as innocuous (Count Von Count or Count Chocula) or he's meant to be the villan (Count Orlock). There is no reason to present a brooding vampire with Jonas Brother's Morals. Promoting chastity has nothing to do with falling in love with a vampire. I know that Dark Shadows, Coppola, and Rice have shown brooding vampires caring about their consequences, and, while that is new to the genre...VERY new, these vampires never denied themselves.

And speaking about chastity, Edward keeps telling Bella that he does have the potential to lose control. Bella keeps telling Edward that she doesn't care and she trusts him. At anytime, if this is non-metaphorical, Edward could rape Bella...but, Bella wants to be with him regardless. In her head, she believes so much that he wont harm her, she stays with him. (I must admit, I have read the Wikipedia pages on these books and the summary tells a lot about the author. This series was obviously written by a female: she asks for sex in future books and Edward, EDWARD, doesn't want to make love to her.)

I hated this movie because it's so utterly unrealistic. It is very pandering and naive. It is not at all based in the truth of reality. It doesn't speak of what is but of a view the author would like to be. The movie plays like it was written by a 10 year old girl who doesn't know much of the world. Edward is a 107 year old vampire...and he has never grown up. Interview With A Vampire's Claudia matures with years; True Blood's Bill, though he retains his gentlemanly ways of the mid nineteeth century, he too is a believable character. I chose Claudia and Bill in relation to Edward because I have never read the books of any of these stories but am basing what I know on what I have seen through visual media. Claudia and Bill, stuck in their bodies, moved on; Edward, turned into a vampire in the prime of his life, doesn't act like a 17 year old man.

This movie, goes against everything known and believed about the vampire throughout the ages. It redefines what has been redefined. I now understand Mormonism.

In other news, I have decided to become a vegitarian; I shall start immediately with steak tartar.

God be praised! I am victorious!

2009-04-04T01:27:00.002-05:00

My very first e-Bay auction, and I won it. Sure I paid more than I wanted to, but, the important thing is I WON!!! I thought it would be a little dicey at the end when I got a message on my phone saying I had been outbid, but, I replied back (twice) and waited. I thought for sure 30 seconds before the item ended somebody would outbid me, but, they didn't! I've wanted this for at least two years and now I am getting it! Limited Edition! MINE!!!

Can't wait to start selling!

"Making To many mistake's"

2009-04-01T21:39:00.003-05:00

That was what the letter read in part today stating that any time the drawer is short, it will be taken out of my paycheck.

This is because the drawer has been short the last two times. ...I am not the only one in the drawer, mind you. The owner also handles transactions. She is typically in a hurry...

The Owner's Husband (other Owner) came in today. Called my name and then motioned me to follow him. I asked him loudly, "Do you want me to follow you? Do you want me to follow you up there?"

He did and it was to tell me that I have to re-do inventory (yet, again), and, it has been in the computer wrong all this time. He has a system of how the inventory goes in the computer. It goes, Product, Name Brand, Description, Color. This is so we can find it right away.

We use QuickBooks. It has a "Search" function. If I type in part of a product, it will turn up. There's no reason to have such a system, but, I can appreciate this system to make things easier.

I need to go back, though out all the computer inventory, all the list, and re-do everything. That's a productive way to spend time.

I just wish somebody would have told me this before being at the job for almost two months.

He also told me, "These shortages need to stop. You need to knock that off."

I spoke up. I told him that Janell and Melissa were also in the till.

For some reason, he didn't know about Melissa (Janell said she was new to the computer, which, she may have been, I trained her on it just last week), but, it's irrelevant because she wasn't there the past two days.

Janell couldn't have done this..... Even though she's in a hurry. And I never am.

Have I also mentioned if I stay an extra 5, 10, 15, 20, or 25 minutes, she is not going to pay me for the time? So, for example, if I stay an extra ten minutes three times in one week, which adds up to one half hour, I don't get paid that half hour. It confuses her, she claims. ...At least I probably wont get paid that half hour. She mentioned it when Melissa (the part time Front Desk) said she's staying to finish what she was doing, but, she was clocking out at 1230. Janell said, in front of a customer, "Good, don't write you're leaving at ten after or 15 after because you're not going to get it."

Let's review, shall we? I don't get paid for all my time there, I have been warned that if there's a discrepancy between the computer and the till, I wont get paid for more of my time there, and her husband came in as the muscle to tell me how to do my job.

....What's my incentive for my lowest paying job, ever?

I did get a ciggy today. From a customer of hers that I drove home. That was better than gas money.

In other news, I went to the answering service in town to pick up an application today (they are not yet hiring, but, there's a big turnover in May, usually, for some reason). The guy there seemed impressed when I told him that I could type over 60 wpm w/o error.

Also, I called up a Prof yesterday to see if anybody called her for a reference. She said no, but, I called up my former Answering Service Boss and she said yes, last week, from the place where I applied, somebody called, on Thursday or Friday, and she seemed impressed because my former boss gave me a glowing reference and told me I'd be perfect for that job.

The Purple Muppet never corrected me. Ah Ah Ah!

2009-03-20T17:32:00.002-05:00

I'm counting out the cash register today as I do every day before I leave. There may be some sales still to go in the day, but, if it's just one or two, or it looks like none, before I leave, typically, I was count the money/credit card reciepts/checks, etc. in the till.

I was putting the dimes in groups of five on the binder paper so I could tell at a glance how many I had.

My boss sees this and chuckles and says, "Is that how you count?"

"As opposed to how?" I inquire, wanting to know if there was some better way.

"I suppose everybody has their own way," she said laughing again.

?

What? What is that supposed to mean? I really wanted her to tell me what she meant and if she had a better way.

"Is that how you count?"

Well, I TYPICALLY count using random letters, colors, and shapes, but, I figured today, I'd try something different.

Now I know why there's a song about it....

2009-03-19T23:43:00.002-05:00

It all makes sense!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhklohomo where the winds come roaring down the plain!"

Actually, Oklohomo is our neighbour state.

It's on the bottom.

Speaking about on the bottom, I hate my job. It's like an abusive relationship I've been in before. Trying to get a job I turned down earlier...praying that will happen. I want to tell more, but, there's so much, and, might as well keep one post short to throw off the average.

Sukkot Small Towns!

2009-03-13T00:29:00.007-05:00

I went shopping last night. I went to WalMart. I was very excited to see this Passover Display, and it made me think, "Perhaps I'm not in such a small backwoods area after all."

That thought was short lived.

It's Easter!! Finally, we can get rid of those Santa Chocolates!!!

To credit them, there were no pork sausages or cheeseburgers on the display.

Humility or Disrespect?

2009-03-12T22:24:00.002-05:00

I posted the following on a Catholic Forum for advice. The replies I got were all of one nature. I shall post the original cunundrum along with the two replies for a better understanding. I apologize for the big paragraphs. Originally it was typed as individual paragraphs, but, I'm not going to take up more space here.

Initial Post:
Hey All.I am asking you because you are Catholic and have a better understanding of what I'm going through.I moved to OK from IL in January. I was able to get a job 14 days later. It was advertised as, "Receptionist," or something like that at a Salon. I wasn't going to apply, but, it was on the way between two other places to which I applied. I applied on a Friday and was called on Saturday.It's really more than a receptionist job, as I was told after I was hired. It's also sales and cleanining up the place and making sure that the business runs smoothly and being my boss' right hand person. She said that the actual title of the job is, "Salon Manager," but, I'm not there yet.She also told me that it's not a part-time job, but, though I have been there for over a month now, it's still part time hours. Even if I work full time (all when the shop is open), and take an hour for lunch each day, I'll still be 32.5 hours AT BEST.Did I mention that this is the lowest paying job I've ever had, too? It is UNDER minimum wage. $6. Per hour. It was her husband's idea: start out small and if they really want the job, they'll work and can get raises. The last person who was there for a while was there for 2 years and was making $8/hr.The cost of living down here is not as expensive, but, all in all, I think my bills are more than my income. If it wasn't for me selling land, I don't think I could make it at all.If nothing else, not that I don't feel God will provide, because He has and He will, but, none of the taxes are taken out of my check. Providing I make over $600 while there, I will get a 1099 next year so I can pay the taxes. ....To be honest, I think I'll need a part time job just to pay the government back because I cannot save up any money as it is.I prayed for a job. I prayed for a career. I told my boss I like this job because I didn't want to have to look for work again (who knew if I would find any), and disappoint my family who was so happy I had got a job.I turned down other jobs that Monday (a Legal Secretary where I'd be making $8/hr, because she didn't get back to me in a timely fashion, and I didn't feel comfortable quitting my new job when both the Lawyer and the Salon Owner request, "loyalty," out of their workers, and a potential job for inbound calls...potential because they wanted to bring me in for a FIRST interview....and that was about 1.5 hours away). I wanted to be the one for this woman. I knew she was getting sick of training people and training people isn't easy, especially when you are the only one there.I prayed for humility and so, I accepted this job, where I'm asked to do everything but hair and nails. I have to clean and balance the drawers and help customers et al.I also have to deal with my boss. She's a good Baptist woman and that's what also attracted me to this job (I've never been at a place where we opened with prayer before), but, I can see now why other people quit on her.Should she make it to May, this shop will be open 7 years, and she says it's not her business but the Lord's Business.Besides the money issue (and she always tells her clients, money isn't everything...and I agree, but, when one cannot pay the meanest of bills, that motto is a load of rubbish), she will say one thing and say something contradictory throughout the day.I have taken her saying that I'm not wonderful at my job (she'll praise me on my phone work, but not acknowledge all else that I do). I have taken her slight insults (regarding my weight, and not being there to sell a pair of contacts when I was doing inventory in the back room, like she told me -- I CAN'T BILOCATE!!!). Today, though, something happened TWICE that made me wonder if it wasn't time to start looking for a new job.She was testing out a new girl for a part time Front Desk position on Saturday (my job, but, even more part time than it is now). I thought she was going to be hired, but, yesterday my boss told me that she was never going to be hired and she had told her that, but, she was only trying her out.The reason this new girl was brought in, I believe, was because I had left early the day before due to a malady. I also called in the week before one day because I was sick, so, I missed 10 hours (9 if one takes lunch into account) in two weeks. Like I said, I am the person to make sure the business runs so that my boss can do hair.So, there was a new new girl today. I got annoyed when she was visiting with the Massage Therapist, but, I thought, well, maybe she's a better multi-tasker than I am and it's better I do this labouring work (sweeping/cleaning/inventory), because I'll be the full time person there, so, it's best I know where all the inventory is. At one point, though, my boss tells me that I can get her to help me or get her to do it, so, I show her how to do the inventory.She finishes the one room and asks me when is lunch and I tell her, if she's on the same schedule as me, between either 1230 and 1330 or 1300 to 1400, but, if she's hungry, ask Our Boss, and I'm sure she'll let her go. (She said she had to go to the realator's.) She would be gone from 1200 to 1300 and I could go to lunch from 1300 to 1400).

Initial Post II:
She scurries out of the shop and calls about 40 minutes later, and I guess she's decided to go back to her old job because they offered her more money. My boss tries to talk her out of it (if that is really what the case is), but, asks her to think about it.My boss then says in front of me and in front of clients, "I really liked her. I wish she would have stayed. Whenever I hire someone I REALLY like and who are good at their job, they always leave me."I didn't know how to take that.A few minutes later she says, again, in front of me and in front of clients, "I was hoping to have a good crew going by my anniversary, but, oh well."Saints have put up with worse, I am aware, and, I realise that ranting about all of this will not help me but only add more time in Purgatory rather than accept the sufferings here, but, at the same time, the American in me thinks, "persuit of happiness." I am aware I am subject to my boss and that she deserves my respect.The motto for the shop is, "Honesty, Loyalty, and Respect."I have signed a contract with her that I am bound to her for 6 months, should I quit on her, she can keep my last week's pay check.Finally in all this, remember Saturday New Hire? The one who she was never going to hire? Because this new new girl quit, she wanted me to call up the one who was there on Saturday. She then told me, though she was telling me she was just testing her out for a few days, she had planned to bring New Hire in for two days a week, and New New Hire in for three days (I had assumed she just meant to test out). I call New Hire and alert my boss she is on the phone, and my boss picks up and says, "Hi, I meant to call you earlier....how would you like to come in..."This other girl starts tomorrow, I think,...againBeing fired will not do my self-esteem any wonders, but, if it is God's Will....I just don't know what I should do. A friend I met through my parents told me to start looking for another job, not just part-time, a real nother job.Again, I prayed for humility, but, try as I might, I just have not been happy at this job. Is God trying to extend His Love to me by providing me such a wonderful oportunity to get over my pride or do I deserve better as a human being?Opinions?

Reply to the Replies 1:
Thank you all, and I ask for others' comments as well only because I know I'm missing an opportunity here to share in the sufferings of Christ. If there's anybody who sees it that way, please let me know.Though, I've been thinking about it, perhaps I am becomming proud in developing a martyr complex? That wont help.Anyway, Corki, I quote you because, I thank you for your comment, and I'd like the forum to know, I looked at the minimum wage website (yes, I am in the US). It turns out that only employers with 10 or more employees need to pay minimum wage (unless it's a waiting job). I really don't know how many people she would plan to hire, but, except for my job, the others (cosmotologist, stylist, nail tech -- assuming any are hired), are either percentage or booth rent, MEANING, either they will either get 60% of the payment of any customer they work on and my boss will get 40% (which is pretty standard, I think) until they get clientelle of their own. IF they have clientelle, then they make all the money they make from their clients, but, have to pay my boss since they are taking up space in her shop. It is doubtful she's going to hire 10 or more people for front desk.What do you mean, "without getting something in return"? That last sentence, what?]I can also make commission, if I either sell a product(s) or bring people in. 10% of the sale. I was doing well my first week, but, then she told me, more specifically how, that I was kind of taking advantage of the system. I've tried to sell things, but, the customers weren't interested at my suggestions.My favourite piece of advice I've gotten from her is I don't need to sell the items, the items sell themselves.Some do. ...Not all...Also, funny thing, because she wanted me to start wearing make-up, and because I wanted to help the business (I bought a Swiffer Vac that I hope to be able to take back without the box to get my money back), and because I wanted to see if Paul Mitchell products are really better than generic, and various other things, AND, because for my own vanity, I've also purchased violet contacts ($27.25 with tax) and a scrunchie made out of purple synthetic hair ($10): I've paid her probably about as much as she has paid me.

Reply to the Replies 2:

Thank you ALL for the replies!!I am on my lunch break at home now as I type this.It may interest you to know that last night I began to look for other work. I sent in my resume and called a place this morning. It is still under minimum wage, but, more than my first job, and more than I am making now, and hours are 40-49, IF I get this job. IF I get this job, it appears to use more of my gifts. I interview et al tomorrow afternoon after I get off of work.Regarding the contract: I typed it up. It was originally worded so that if I am no longer employed by my boss I lose my last paycheck. I typed it up so that if I am fired, I am not entitled to it. I didn't want to be fired AND no paycheck.Cleaning was always part of the position. She wants everything done and now. It's not easy to jump in with both feet and do everything when the filing system is not organized and I don't know where anything is. I asked her the first week I was there one day, "What do you want done first, sweeping or *some office thing that needed to be done but I cannot remember now*?" Her response? "All of it."I also pointed out to her, approximately the first week I was there, that the anti-virus program she had said that it was at risk or something. I pointed this out while a customer was waiting to pay (everything is on the computer). My boss said, "Okay well, we can worry about that later, we'll take care of this now."I wasn't worried about it. I wanted to point this out to her and await her instructions if I should close that or not. I wanted her to be aware of the situation. I later found out she doesn't much know about computers. As a matter of fact, I went back after hours last Saturday to help her e-mail something (off the clock. I volunteered. I want her to know how to e-mail).The computer hasn't worked for the past 3 days. It will turn on, but, we can't get it to start up, really.The contacts: These are non-prescription vanity contacts. They're just different colors. She may have a license to sell them for all I know.She gave me a compliment today, the same compliment she's been giving me for the past couple of weeks: Once I get the other stuff down that I need to do, she thinks I'll be great at the job....if I still want the job.I have been working toward the Salon Manager job, but, with comments like this and such...perhaps it's not for me.While she has assured me that I'm getting there little by little, I'm still just getting there.There's more I want to say, but, my hour is almost up.Edit: Also, as it stands, I am not sure if I'm going to do the two weeks thing or just keep working part time (mornings some days) until August when my contract is up. My contract stipulates that I either renew or give two weeks notice THEN.

This one was too good to let go.

2009-03-02T20:08:00.002-06:00

I'm not quite sure the name of this. It's like one of those Rocky & Bullwinkle options. It's either, "Guess when Attia lost her patience," or, "Does My Mom Understand English?" Keep in mind, she had called me twice today. Once she woke me up from a nap (a three hour at that point nap) and once right before she popped on Yahoo! to ask me how does she get out of the Adobe Page on which she was.

See, when I lived at home, she could rant and rave and blame me for her computer not working all she wanted, threaten to not let me on her computer, and despite the threat, call me in there so I could go on her computer and tinker around to fix it.

Now all I have is her description of her computer screen, something that I was trying to help her with over the phone (which she couldn't do b/c she didn't have the "Start" button on her screen....and I wasn't thinking of having her press the Windows Button on the keyboard), and as you will see, continuing here.

I put in the times so the reader has a point of reference by which to go.

Without further adieux:

"adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:37:58 PM): Hey. I'm here.
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:38:13 PM): I'm invisible, but, I'm here.
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:38:31 PM): Anyway, can you now get to "Start" at the bottom left hand of your screen?
Mom (3/2/2009 2:39:59 PM): Thanks again for trying to help computer illiterate mom. I'm back on my screen.
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:40:33 PM): Okay, so, can you now get to "Start" at the bottom left hand of your screen?
Mom (3/2/2009 2:41:58 PM): I'm happy the gray matter is working. I remembered what I had to tell the students when they couldn't get back to their original screen.
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:11 PM): Mom.....
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:12 PM): CAN
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:14 PM): YOU
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:16 PM): GET
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:17 PM): TO
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:20 PM): "START"
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:22 PM): AT
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:23 PM): THE
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:26 PM): BOTTOM
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:28 PM): LEFT
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:29 PM): OF
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:31 PM): YOUR
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:34 PM): SCREEN?
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:42:41 PM): And, I'm glad you remembered. :)
Mom (3/2/2009 2:43:04 PM): Honey Yes, thank-you no problem
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:43:21 PM): Alright. Good. Click. "Start".
Mom (3/2/2009 2:43:50 PM): Why?
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:44:06 PM): Because, I want to show you what "PrtScn" does.
Mom (3/2/2009 2:44:29 PM): Okay
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:45:07 PM): Alright, once you click "Start" go to, "All Programs" then, from there, go to "Acessories," and finally, click to open, "Paint".
Mom (3/2/2009 2:47:28 PM): Yes, I did that, a blank paint screen came up
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:47:35 PM): Good!
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:48:19 PM): Alright, now go to the top left of the screen. "File" is the first folder/command. Next to it is "Edit". Click "Edit" then click "Paste"
Mom (3/2/2009 2:50:50 PM): Attia, I can't finish this task. Dad just walked in and I must hop in the shower. I love you . Please call me once you get your mail tomorrow.Mom
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:51:08 PM): Alright. Love you too. :)
adstrinity (3/2/2009 2:51:25 PM): :-*
Mom (3/2/2009 2:51:38 PM): bye :-*
Mom has signed out. (3/2/2009 2:51 PM)
Last message received on 3/2/2009 at 2:51 PM"

"I CAN'T FINISH THIS TASK"?!!!! It doesn't take that long!!! One will see she had over a minute and a half to do that!!! HOW CAN SHE NOT GET TO THIS BEFORE SHE HAS TO LOG OFF?!!!!

And, in case anybody is wondering (not that anybody reads this), no, my dad doesn't usually come home before 1500 and my mom's way of greeting him isn't getting in the shower. I am assuming that tonight is Opera night, which is why my dad is home early and my mom has to get ready.

At least that's what I'm hoping. I am DESPERATELY HOPING is the case, and that my dad isn't coming home at that hour for no reason and my mom's way of greeting him is in a manner I shouldn't be thinking about.

I'm to old to be a.....sister...

"RVNCLAW"

2009-02-24T22:29:00.002-06:00

That looks cool, right? That's what I want my license plate down here to say.

But, before I get my license plate, I have to get my license. Before I get my license, they need to see my birth certificate. This is what they told me when my mom was still down here and I inquired about it. My mom goes back to IL and sends me a copy of the Birth Certificate. I tell her it wont work. She asks me why wont it work? It should work. I tell her it's because it's the copy, they need the original. However, I will try.

Well, I cannot try the monday after I recieve that because that's President's Day, so, though I have the day off, the Government buildings/businesses are closed.

I go this past Monday. I even get tarted up to go this past Monday (I will post pics just as soon as I think it's inappropriate....). I go in the afternoon.

I almost slip out the door without my Birth Certificate Copy, but, I remember without it this whole thing is useless and so I go get it.

I get there and sign in and wait. In the meantime, there was a mother who brought her son to get his license. He was sent home from McAlester High because his hair was purple. I commented him on it because it matched his jacket. The hair was a light frosted lavender. I asked him to take off his cap so I could see it all. It was only the ends of some parts. The rest of his hair was blond. It turns out his hair was in a faux hawk style and the tips were coloured when he went to....some....water park or something over the weekend. His mother, wearing a Christian sweatshirt, thought it was pretty dumb too.

My name is called. I go up there. I present the Copy.

I am told that they need the Original. They need the one with the Seal. They need the one from which that was copied. I take my Copy and immediately call my mom (yes, I was in the building and I had to be reminded to go outside).

Let everybody else learn from my mistake. You MUST have the ORIGINAL Birth Certificate if you are getting a license in OK because the rules have changed.

....You could still get by with a copy or a forgery if you're running for President of this country, though....

But, I'm much too Ravenclaw for that.

I Hate Rogers & Hammerstein

2009-02-24T21:38:00.007-06:00

There is so much that has happened work wise in the past three weeks, BUT, let me put this one in there as a sorbet. I hope you find this all as ironic and humourous as it has occurred to me. I originally mourned my coming to live in this state, and my existence therein, but have learned to not only appreciate but I dare say, enjoy, the sufficiency this area has to offer. (The one downfall is that, because it is a small area, though there is free market competition, businesses close. One must schedule ones activities/errands of the day around a business' open hours, which varies for all businesses, some of which close for lunch. Needless to say, the 24-hour Wal Mart makes a killing.)

However, despite me being at peace with my situation, some have decided to highlight select disturbances for me, intentionally, because it occurred to them, or morbid curiosity.

Let us start, shall we, with one Tennessean, (WHO FOR THE RECORD, I AM STILL IGNORING) who pronounces a small river of water, i.e., a "creek," as, "crick", and uses phrases like, "Yee Doggies," who has the audacity to send me a music file of "Dueling Banjos".

Maybe I am misinterpriting this. Maybe it wasn't a slight at me in any way. Maybe it's just because that movie from whence that theme is was based on him.

It doesn't matter because I'M IGNORING YOU, DOUG!

Right. Second. Friend of the family called me the other day. Wonderful woman. Great woman. Called me the other day to see how I was and how life is here. The reason she did this. 'Have you ever seen the movie, "My Cousin Vinnie?" About those two kids who are accused of robbery in a small town and the lawyer and the girlfriend come down? That reminded me of your situation!"

Well, yes, that DOES work, but, you know what else is appropriate? Mix that with, "The Money Pit," "Arachnaphobia"*, and, given my work conditions, me being one of two fat white people in a black-owned beauty parlor (I play the girl....but, the other one is a massage therapist, so, perhaps I'm wrong), half of the sitcoms that failed on UPN/The WB. Yeah. A casserole of those visuals.

The final thing happened just last week. Last week Monday. I decided to do something to help the economy in these parts that was LONG over due! I scoped out the liquor stores. I found three online, but, only found two physically: Alamo Liquors and Discount Liquors. I rather liked Alamo Liquors but didn't buy anything, but, it seems nice and affordable.

I then went to Discount Liquors and asked the woman behind the counter a question that I meant to ask the other place but forgot. It is dreadfully true, I found out. Oklahoma is dry on Sundays. :( I think she said there was an exception if one goes out to a restaurant. I think that was the exception. I told her that I have an uncle in Indiana who joined a bowling league because the Bowling Alley was the one place that served alcohol on a Sunday. I told her I used to live in IL and that after Noon, it was fine, but, I've now moved here.

In a drawl WAY over southerning, that I find hard legitimately reproducing without sounding phony, but, I will try to phonetic it out for you all, "Awwhhhhhhh, Huhneeehhyy, Wha ohhhn Errrrth waaaoooouuuullld youuu doooo thaaaaaaaaat?"

She then went on to ask me what I'm doing and is it full time and do I like it and all that and I said, "Why do you ask? I don't suppose you all are hiring?"

And, as it turns out, they are! Or, not so much them, but, the tobacco place that they also own. Actually, not her. She's a new hire herself. She works at the Christian School in McAlester, but, she told them she has this part time job because they just don't pay her enough.

And, since it's a week later, I did apply for the tobacco shop, but, they didn't have anything to accomodate my schedule.

AND, I was thinking, "Do I really want to work in a Tobacco Shop?" And, the answer is, Yes. Yes, I wouldn't mind it. Let me put that into perspective for the reader. I am more comfortable selling cancer sticks and lymphnoma chew than I am selling Paul Mitchell products* and Ion Detox sessions.

*I'm not actually sure if this works as I have never SEEN "Arachnaphobia," but, just yesterday in my kitchen I played, "Is it stucco or a spider egg?"

*Though, I did buy "The Strengthening Conditioner" or whatever pompous name it has. I want to see if it stregthens and repairs my hair. If not, VO5 and Suave, under a dollar at WalMart, always, all the time.

My Parent's Aniversary

2009-02-17T19:54:00.003-06:00

The 7th. Of Feburary. I'm telling you all this now because next year, I expect gifts for them.

Right, so, remember when I last left off, I had just applied to three places "yesterday"? And, because I had at least one more weekend to weekend off, I decide to call up a friend and stay up until....I think quarter to 0300. (Because, you see, Andrew Levy isn't on "Red Eye" until around 0230.)

Because of stupid sun letting stupid light into this house too much, especially my room where there are windows on the south and east sides of my room, I can't sleep past 0800 (though, I did this weekend...this weekend consisting of Sunday the 15th and Monday the 16th. ...Yes, yes, Happy Birthday to me and all that....unless that goes against your religion.), I wake up around that time, with obvious plans to take a nap later.

Around quarter to 10, I miss a call (I had been charging my phone, I was not by it, and it is not on "ring").

I see that I missed a call and call the 918 number back. It's 918. Maybe it's the Lawyer's Office.

"Hello?"
"Hi, this is Janell with Janell's House of Beauty.* I was wondering if you'd be availible to pick up a few hours this afternoon."

*Me, in my head: Awwwwwwwww.

I say that I am and she says that her concern is that I've been with Temp Agencies, and have I ever had a real job? I tell her yes, yes I have and this allieviates her.

We agree for me to come in at Noon.

And so I did.

Let it be stated that the woman who was from....Unemployment or whatever was there and was asking questions of me. I was answering thinking, "She's got this part down pat." The making small talk, I mean.

Anyway, I had been called because Janell told me that she wanted the both of us there to see who could do a better job, 2) she didn't think the other gal was doing so well, 3) The Lord told her to call me.

Let me repeat that: THE LORD TOLD HER TO CALL ME.**

Alright, Thy Will be done.

So, I was tired, "but it was a good tired! :D" -- every blond, ever. I got the job.

The other girl was supposed to get off...I don't remember when, but, she ended up staying until....1500, 1530. She had earlier helped me with a wig sale (I got the sale since she was off the clock), and I think she knew that I was her competetor. She was forced to take a lunch break; she stayed there reading. Me, when my time came, I left and came home to eat. I can do that, I have an hour lunch and live about 10 minutes away. She made the comment that she wanted to know how to do something, 'As long as I'm learning, I'm happy,' or something like that is what she said.

And she didn't get the job.

It was then I realised that, confirming my suspiscions, it doesn't matter if you are eager to learn and really do what all those employment help tips online say, if you're not wanted, there is nothing that can change a mind to show them how much help you'd like to be for them.

But, again, everything DOES happen for a reason, so there's a reason this woman didn't get hired and I did, and I do not begrudge anybody for it. Clearly, I was the better qualified, better personalitied person, and so my boss went with me.

Moral of the story: It doesn't matter how much you want a job, or how much you may be qualified, or, for that matter, how hard you work for it. Keeping a positive attitude and a hard worker my not be what the boss cares about.

Clearly there was something in me that wasn't in her, and again, after being not rejected, I am beginning to understand how some of these things work.

Anyway, it was a busy Saturday. I didn't get out of there until after 1700, and I didn't call my parents because I didn't know if I had the job until the end of the day.

Janell asked me to come back Tuesday the 9th, and so I did.

**Why yes, this is the same God who told a Director of Religious Education to FIRE ME from a VOLUNTEER JOB teaching children. Why do you ask?

A tiny little convent in the southern part of France.

2009-02-09T09:55:00.005-06:00

{Blog post originally started Monday, Feburary 8, 2009}

This morning, around 20 minutes ago, I got a call from the lawyer, where I interviewed for a job as a Legal Assistant. I called her twice on Friday to see if I had got the job, but, she was busy. I called her inbetween filling out applications for other jobs. I really wanted that job.

She calls me 20 minutes ago saying she wanted to call me this weekend, but, it was a very busy weekend, but she did want to offer me the position.

I turned it down.

I told her I already had a job and I told her what I was doing (Receptionist to Salon Manager), and when she inquired if that's something I wanted to do, I replied, "Yes, I think I can be happy there."

I would have been making more money there....but, it's not always about the money...*keeps telling self this*

Both (this is starting to get long again, innit?) of these employers (Lawyer and Beauty Store Owner) requested loyalty of their employees before I was to be hired on. Basically, don't do anything, in front of/to co-workers or the public that makes them look like a jerk. I am a bit taken aback by this request, not only because I'm not exactly sure what it means (I had them both explain it) but also because one just doesn't get these kinds of requests/entailments of a job up north. In the Chicago-land area we get things like, "Don't show up to work intoxicated."

Well, how loyal would I be if I just dropped my Employer for This Lawyer? It's not that I feel I'm stuck there or anything by the loyalty clause, but, I called to the lawyer's office two times and I understand that things are busy. And, when she says that she was going to call me this weekend, but it was a busy weekend, I do not doubt that. Maybe she just needed more time to make a decision. Maybe I wasn't her first pick and she was pondering her next step. If she had called me on Friday or even up to, let's say, 10 a.m. on Saturday, I would have jumped at the oportunity (more money and jeans on Friday), but, I was in limbo, and I had to keep putting in for work.

For whatever reason, she didn't/couldn't call me.

And, come to think of it, why did she tell me she was going to call me over the weekend, what difference does that make on Monday morning?

AND, it happened again.

Three minutes before noon this day, I got a call from a place I applied to and tested for online. It was an inbound call center for....tech support of something. They said they could train a person on the product, they just needed people who were good over the phone.

I'm good over the phone.

And, I must say, this was the best test as far as practicality and relevance I have ever taken. There were three tests: an accuracy test, a listening/comprehention test, and a typing test.

The listening/comprehention test was GREAT because you'd have to listen to these people drone on and on about nothing relevant and then be able to pick out the information that was relevant to the question. OR, you had to deal with background noise or a disgruntled caller. It was EXACTLY how over the phone work could be.

So, after you had to listen to how somebody needed something but x y and z are happening to he or she and he or she limits your options, you had to pick out what item he or she wanted....or you would reccomend to her or him based on their rant.

There was a catch to this call, though. 1) It was in Durrant, which is one to two hours away, from what I've heard. 2) They wanted to set up an introductory interview.

Do I think I had a good shot at this job? Oh yes, but, because it wasn't guaranteed (and, even if it was, I already have a job), I wasn't about to quit my job for something that may not happen. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

I told her I was already imployed (and she was nosy, wanting to know where and if I'd be happy there) but, to please keep me on their list for the future (I really love and am REALLY good at phone work).

And so, that's that. Before Noon today, I had two more job offers, but, because, Janell REALLY needed me and got to me first, I decided to stick with her. She says she's really sick of training new people.

And now, what was this blog about?

A) Attia couldn't believe she got more job offers after already finding work.
B) Attia wanted to brag.
C) Attia didn't really want to work for the lawyer.
D) Attia thinks she can be happy not doing phone work.

President Reagan and Axl Rose -- Aught Nine

2009-02-06T20:21:00.003-06:00

Today is the 13 day mark of being in OK. My mom left this morning around 0730. I'm still living out of boxes and bags.

Before I can put my stuff up/away, the stuff that is already on display/in dressers/in drawers needs to be sorted. Some of that will be put in the basement, but, before that can happen, we need to go through what's in the basement. My mom got as far as the kitchen...1/2 the kitchen. Some drawers and the pantry. Not the buffett or the cabinets. I'm in limbo until she returns.

But, enough about that, this is about today. Right now. Right now where it is 2026, partly cloudy outside, and 66 degrees. :D That right now.

I started the day by waking up at 0630. It's the First Friday and that means, although it's not offered, First Friday Devotions. Some, and by "some", I'm guessing all, may not know what that means. http://www.miraclerosarymission.org/shj.htm provides an explination. A fairly detailed explination, allow me to sum up. It's a devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Jesus (through non-binding to any but the reciever private revelation), told St. Margaret Mary, though visions, that He wanted to tell all of the world He loves. If we love Him, He has given us the option to show it by going to Mass and venerating His Heart for the First Friday of every month. [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacred_Heart]Wikipedia[/url] explination.

This wasn't so hard in Chicago. The first time I did it, and took it seriously, I went to St. George in Tinley Park. I hadn't been to confession, so I couldn't recieve the Eucharist, BUT, there is a small side chapel for Perpetual Adoration. Mass is at 0830 weekdays there, and I went to the side chapel on 7/4 to see Jesus.

Then I decided/made a promise to God to go Latin for at least one year. St. John Cantius in Chicago fulfilled that need. The church also does First Friday and First Saturday devotions.

I was not about to wake up extra early to go to Wagoner, which is the closest Latin Mass, because Mass there is around 8ish/9ish, and I have to leave 1.5 hours before hand. The drive, which is alright to do once a week, is not worth it all the time.

So I go to the church in McAlester. It's an Ordinary Form/"Novus Ordo" Mass. Because of the missappropriations of the interpretations of what was said at Vatican II, lots of dumb things have been incorporated into this Mass. I will not elabourate here (much) because that is not the reason for this post. In short, the focus is less on God and more on the people there.

The Mass is said in the chapel, which is in the school.

When Mass started, he genuflected towards the tabernacle. That's good. He went up to the altar and made to kiss it. Didn't actually kiss it, but, gestured a kiss while bending towards it. Not so good. Everything else was pretty standard for this sort of thing: somebody else read the Psalms, (meh/blah/grrr), I don't remember the homily. Then came the Lord's Prayer. The group of us all held hands, from one end of the room to the other. AND, people were then shouting out their intentions (not the priest, but, at least this was after the Our Father...I'm pretty sure...)

Alright, so, after Mass, I get out my Prayers for Urgent Occassions book and got on my knees and started doing the Litany of the Sacred Heart (no, the Sacrament was not exposed, He was locked in the tabernacle in the corner, but, I'm dealt with what I'm given). Let me repeat: I was on my knees, (I'm pretty sure) and I definately was holding this book in front of me and facing the tabernacle.

Father comes up to me and in an audible voice (one is supposed to be quiet in these types of settings) says, "My name is Father *Name I've since forgotten*, and you are...?

--"Doing the Litany of the Sacred Heart."

"Well I see you're doing your deVOtion. You have a deVOtion, there..."

He then went on to tell me about the Mass schedule and asked about what brought me to town and asked for my name. In the meantime, I was also apologizing to Jesus that I had to stop and that the priest is acting this way. He got my name and gave me a prayer book or missale or something...

I come back home and I start the load of towels again (did I mention that my mom turned the dryer off with 20 minutes to go because I cannot leave the house with an appliance running?). I'm still not tired at this time, so, the nap I'm contemplating aint gonna happen.

Around 10 a.m., 1030ish, I call up the lawyer's office to speak with the lawyer I had interviewed with yesterday (Thursday). I was told by her assistant/receptionist (the job I had interviewed for, because she's going to become the assistant to her husband) that she was with a client.

As bummed as I am about this, I decide to not be lazy for once and keep looking for work. I go online and find a receptionist job at a beauty parlor. It said, 'applicants apply in person or call for an appointment.' I called.

It sounded like a swishy black man answered the phone. I told him I was calling about the ad online and he gave the phone to a black woman who told me, "Well, I have a stack of applications here already (implying filled out), but, if you'd like, you can come down and fill one out." I thanked her warmly and hung up the phone.

This is what I heard: a black woman telling me that she already has applications so filling this one out would be a waste of time.

I decided to call her back to let her know I'm not going to take the job.

I call back and I think speak to the same man. I tell him that I don't think I would be able to come in today. "And what day do you think you will be able to come in?" "Monday?" -- *silently hits head for chickening out like that* "Alright, see you Monday."

He then calls back and says that he forgot, they are not open on Monday. I ask what about Saturday, he says yes. I say I'll be in tomorrow.

I shower and get ready to go to the other two places I plan to apply to.

The first is a veterinarian's office. As I'm filling out an application, a woman comes in saying she notices that they are hiring for this position again and she not only filled out an application before, but, she kept inquiring about this position because she wanted it very much (she was being kind of loud and brazen -- way to endear yourself to the workers there, honey) and wanted to know if she would have to fill out another application or are is her application still on file. The women behind the desk laughed a nervous/scared way and said that she'd probably have to fill out another application because the doctor doesn't keep records to well. At this point the woman insisted on speaking to him.

There was also a test thing -- adding, subtracting, pricing. I finished and handed it to the woman behind the counter. She said the doctor will look over it and get back to me (Monday?).

Anyway, I go back to my car, and BECAUSE the beauty parlor is between this vets office and a loan office I am applying to on the intersecting streets, I decide to go and try there. I mean, I'm already showered and ready and it'll save me from doing it tomorrow and I can be lazy tomorrow and it's on the way....

BUT FIRST! I call the lawyer's office again. I get the receptionist/assistant and am told, "She's out to lunch. I gave her your message." Alright, fine. I mean, maybe by the end of the day, I'll hear from the lawyer....she did say HOPEFULLY she'd have a decision by the end of yesterday or today, so, maybe she's still thinking and will get back to me....although, I did the follow up call thing, and I'm still not hearing from her....

I drive over to the beauty shop. I am given an application and fill most of it out rather quickly, answering questions from the owner in the process. Before I can finish she shows me around briefly and is telling me about the place. As I sit back down and am finishing, she asks me if I'm from the unemployment office. I tell her no. She says she's having somebody from the unemployment office come in tomorrow to try out the job. She likes what I have to tell her about my experience leading to, "If you don't hear from me on Tuesday or Wednesday, get back to me on Wednesday."

...Alright...

I leave and apply at the Loan Office. The woman who works there lacks people skills. She does not seem like a good person to work with because she lacks patience for everybody. Fortunately, she tells me, it's her boss that's going to look through the applications, something that he should have done that day, but, HIS boss got sick, so, he had to take over for his boss, meaning, HOPEFULLY, he should be looking over them on Monday.

I come back home and plan to relax. After all, I have nothing lined up for the weekend now that I've applied to all the places....and nothing ever happens on the weekends.

Right you guys, now this is where this will leave off. It is now 2-17-09. I will post the next part, what happened on the Seventh, and the Nineth (which is already in progress) ...."shortly"

An Epiphany!! -- Still Not In Oklahoma

2009-01-06T14:32:00.003-06:00

I've closed out my savings account here, all my money is in checking, my P.O. Box is almost up, I'm mostly packed up (everything I NEED, anyway) and I'm still in IL.

At first we (my parents and I) were supposed to leave on Jan 1. I asked my mom how about Jan 2? She said fine, her and I would carravan as my Dad could not leave as he was on call. That was on a Friday. She said Sunday the 4th would be better, Sundays are lighter. That didn't happen. She didn't feel like it. She claimed she wasn't feeling well. It wasn't convenient for her. She actually said that, "It's not convenient for me." What about the weather for the rest of this week? Tomorrow would be best. ...But, it's snowy today, so, it's going to be bad downstate tomorrow she claims. She said she'd give me the keys and the garage door opener and I could go tomorrow (then she told me what to do in case I slide off (ice?) into the Mississippi River). Now she's saying she WONT give me the keys and garage door opener; she's not letting me go down there alone. I need to follow her. "You need to follow me." I could go down there and ask the neighbour across the street...but, she said I'd be inconveniencing her because she goes to bed at 2100....I don't plan to get there that late. "Everybody would have to rearrange their schedules just to accomodate you!"....in the meantime, I'm in limbo...waiting on my mom...who said we'd leave 3 times by now....

Okay, so that's the weather. How about the schedule?

We originally were going to go down on the 2nd....but, my mom would have to be back by the 21st as she promised my cousin to take her somewhere. Then, we couldn't go before the 12th because my parents are going to the opera on the 12th, so, we could go on the 14th, 15th, 16th (she'd need a day to recoup). That would give her less than a week down there with me. She already told me she's not just going to leave me there. It turns out, my dad could take my cousin but, my mom told me Feburary works better for her. I haven't worked since Feb 28, 2008, in the meantime. I'm not looking for work here because I'm going to be living down there. My bank account isn't growing exponentially because of me not having a job. What else....my dad has to go to the doctor (my mom told me three different dates, but, now she is saying twice, and that I don't listen). She won't tell me why, "It's none of your business," but, for some mysterious reason, we can't go down there because of some mysterious thing concerning my dad....assuming that's true.

Alright, so, weather, parents, how about Oklahoma itself? Well, as my mom and dad have both told me, I'm not a long distance driver (how they would know this, I don't know, they have never been with me when I've driven distances and I've never driven more than five hours at a time), so, I can't go on my own. St. Louis, especially, is tricky. The question lingers: if I'm not a long distance driver, how come I'll be following my mom down there? With or without her doesn't influence if I can drive long distances comfortably.

The house down there: the heater is 30 years old. It wasn't working the first day my parent's were down there. My mom is afraid it may either a) go out, or b) lead to carbon monoxide poisoining. If it goes out, the house is going to have a lot more trouble if nobody is in there. The kitchen sink: yes, I'm throwing in the kitchen sink -- The pipes underneath the sink (I've been told) are copper. The pipe has a puncture in one place and is corroded in another. My mom says we can't really use the sink for this reason. WHY we can't just go to Menards or Lowes or Home Depot and buy a replacement (look online for how to install), I don't know. She's getting a plumber involved. I don't know why. Further, her Early to Bed Early to Rise Friend told her there's a nasty strain of the Flu down there. I don't plan to be in contact with many people. It's better the sooner I go down there to get all my stuff moved in the way I want, I apply for jobs (my mom is going to take me places...yes, my mom is going to take me places to apply to make sure I get a job....though, today she said, "You're not going to get a job right away) right away, and the sooner I get down there, the sooner I can get used to the allergens. I hope to go while the weather is still mild.

But if a bad ice storm hits.....at least I'll be down there before tornado season.

In the meantime, I don't want to pay for another 6 months of my P.O. Box ($13). Don't want to have to. My mom says she'll "pull the money out of [her] ass and pay for it."

...And why would I have any reason to doubt this?.....

So This is Christmas

2008-12-26T14:13:00.004-06:00

On the Second Day of Christmas, God separated the gifts wanted from those that needed to be exchanged and He called the ones kept, "good," and those given back with reciepts, "tacky." And so there were gifts wanted and gifts exchanged, the second day.

Happy Boxing Day, Everybody!

We are now officially in the Christmas Season, there are two more weeks of Christmas. NOW I am comfortable with Christmas music playing and Christmas decoration. Of course, not everybody is with me. I call these people, "wrong." And, speaking about wrong...

There is a backstory beginning Christmas Eve, but, it's not nearly as entertaining...

My Christmas began with me reciprocating to the priest in the confessional a "Merry Christmas." I was able to find a seat during Midnight Mass, which was celebrated by a bishop, and lasted 2 hours. No complaints, though. Traffic was good going and coming from the Mass. I got home by 0300. I woke up at 1100. My mom asked what time did I get in and go to bed. I told her I got in at 0300 and she joked to me go back to bed.

I sat in one of the few availible seats, easily accessable because there's not as many things to move off of it, my mom's chair, in the living room and sat down. My dad, in his chair, told me that we've been invited to my mom's cousin's. "So, it's possible that we get so see both Molly ~and~ Cinnamon, today?!! :D " I don't remember if my mom or my dad said it's possible, but, not probable. Molly is a golden retriever and Cinnamon is a...I'm not sure. But, anyway, Molly belongs to our cousin, Cinnamon belongs to the friend of the family's pivotal to this narration. My dad says one of the parties is at 1400 and the other one isn't until 1700.

I'm tired, I go back to bed, thinking I have until 1700 to nap. (I agreed to go to my cousin's.)

No, I got maybe a 45 minute nap because my cousin's thing is the 1400 one. Alright. I decide to ride with my parent's because my windshield wipers weren't working and I'm due for an oil change.

My dad has his car a bluetooth and so we call my cousin, and ask,
Mom: Is dinner still at two?
Cousin: What? [Because the car bluetooth is like speaker phone for your car, and not that great. Duh.]
Mom: We're on our way, is dinner still at two?
Cousin: No. We're eating now. I need to eat, I haven't eaten all day.
Mom: Oh. Well, YOUR daughter was supposed to call me if plans changed. Alright, we're on our way, we just left, we'll see you shortly.

Let me tell you all what I found out later. As I understand it, my cousin's daughter called my mom at 1000 on 12/25 to invite her to dinner at two at her mom's place. My mom said yes, and possibly requested the cousin's daughter (also our cousin) to call her should plans change. I don't know if my mom really asked, or, she only thought she asked, or my cousin didn't hear her, or after taking two trains with boyfriend and two children, didn't remember, but, there was a failure to communicate.

After being invited, though, my mom frantically called around places to bring a desert. No place was open except for a family restaurant who typically doesn't sell cakes fully but by the slice, but, they had pity on my mom and sold her a carrot cake. We took the carrot cake with us to my cousin's.

I was getting motion sick on the way to my cousin's. I don't know if it was me being over heated alone or that combined with my dad's driving, but, I was not feeling well by the time we pulled in to my cousin's subdivision.

My mom told us, a few times on the way there, after we found out that we weren't eating at 1400, "Don't expect to eat." I hear these words, I think, 'The hostess probably will not offer food.' I had a few handfulls of chocolate covered carmel corn before we leave, so, I'm hungry, but, that's ballanced by my nausia from my dad's driving.

My mom's last words before we left the car, was, "Don't bring in the cake."

I take a few moments with the door open to let the fresh air in to the car to compose myself before I get up.

I walk inside the house and am greeted by Molly. I give her attention, and I plan to make myself comfortable and take off my coat and such, but, I am not more than three feet from the door the entire time. My mom is not more than 3' away from me, and the way the room is set up, she's blocking me from further entry, and she's not moving. My dad is by the table full of food.

I hug my cousin (the daugher) and wave to her kids and boyfriend. I'm not even sure if I was introduced to him, I was so dizzy and it went by so fast. My cousin, her mother, comes out in pink pj's (top and bottoms) and says she's been so busy, she hasn't had a chance to shower. "We've been hearing that all morning." -- Daughter. Regardless of appearance at 1400, Cousin (mother) invites us to eat. The food is still on the table and they ~just~ finished. "No, that's okay, we're leaving." -- My mom. "You're leaving?" -- My Cousins "Yes, we have somewhere else to be, we just stopped to drop these off." -- Mom "But, you have to open your gifts here, so we can see. It's Christmas." -- Daugher Cousin. "No, we'll open them at home. We have somewhere else to be." -- Mom.

Food was offered a few more times. Damnit, I wanted the food. I didn't see WHY my mom was being so proud about it (at one point, my cousin, the daughter, asks my mom, "And what do you mean, 'You're daughter was supposed to call if there was any changes'?" I don't recall the reply). I don't think it was intended to slight her intentionally in any way. My cousins all seemed really surprised and off put by her reception to the party. She called asking when dinner was, cheerfully, and now she's saying we cannot stay...

My dad said he was going to grab an appetiser, but, Molly was resting her head on the table, and her breath (and tongue, probably) was in reach of the food.

I am out the door now, and I turn to my cousin (mother) and say, "We'll, I'm glad I got to see you before I moved."
"MOVED?!!!?"
"Yeah."
"Where?"
"Oklahoma."
"Permanently?!!?"
*nods*
*Stunned*
"I'll e-mail you. *wink*"

This is the cousin who my mom is always on the phone to about the job my mom quit because she hated it so much. She's long gone from the job, but, my cousin still works there, and my cousin keeps her updated on all the gossip. For all the information my mom pumps out of my cousin, and for all she tells her, it surprised me that my mom didn't tell her this....

Anyway, as I walk back to the car, I ask my mom if I can sit in the front. My dad says he'll take the Interstate (not stop and go). I sit in the back.

I need to roll down the window, though, about 15 minutes later. My mom wants me to roll my window up. I tell her I'm getting sick. She asks me, "Well why didn't you ask me to switch?"

It is for this reason I cannot say with certainty what happened between my mom and our cousin concerning the hour.

My dad explains to her the deal he had and also, that it's for the best we didn't stay because he couldn't stand all the smoke in the house and apparently he was suffocating from not being able to breathe...

I went home and went to bed until my dad woke me up so I could follow him to our friend's house, where we ended up bringing the carrot cake.

Here it is, Boxing Day, and I have yet to open any presents, which is fine with me, because I'm just looking at all the stuff I have to haul down there, now.

I hope to post pictures of the house I'm leaving, the house I'm going to when I first move in, and the house I am going to after I *ME* it.

I'll call you if there's any changes.

Rogers & Hammerstein Meet Nightmare on Elm Street

2008-12-15T16:03:00.003-06:00

I'm moving to the state of Oklahoma on January 2, 2009. My mom has a job offer down there, but, since she will do anything to not work, she's sending me to Oklahoma instead so I can live at my Gram's house. She is sending me to live there despite other people having keys to the house (my Mom and my Aunt own it). I am not comfortable with this and hope to change it. Alcohol is expensive down there. There's no Orland Wine and Spirits down there -- great selection, greater prices. No great grocery stores around, either. ...My mom insists it's not in the middle of nowhere, but, if I were to die, nobody would wonder where I was or would smell my decaying corpse. As a matter of fact, if they were to smell anything, there's livestock the next house over, they'd probably just attribute it to that. Always look on the bright side of life, that's what I always say.

It's in the middle of nowhere. The lights outside aren't great, meaning if something happens, I'll be dead before I see my attacker.

I don't even get the main bedroom of the house I'll be living in, that'll still be for my parents. Essentially, I'll be Torgo. ...The harem I wont be allowed to touch will be knick knacks of cats. My mom says I will be able to pack them away, but, not get rid of them. I hope to recruit the tarantulas in the basement to help me move the boxes. I mean, they are big enough. They have 8 legs. I'll even let them live in the boxes if they help out.

Of course, this sounds all unfairly one sided. I'm not elabourating on all the good things about Oklahoma. It's next to Texas, which is a real state, with real people and cities.

The nearest Latin Mass...or Armenian Badarak...is at least an hour and a half away. That means...that somewhere in the state, there are Armenians. ...At least some civilization has managed it's way in. Yes, there are closer churches, but, I don't ever want to attend an Ordinary Form/Novus Ordo Mass again. :(

The motto to where I'm moving is "Home of Cowboys and Italians." I'll be surrounded by Italians. ...Can't get enough of those in Chicago.... "Italian Cowboys". I think "Jon Bon Jovi." I get...well, the people in Oklahoma.

Of course, I hope to have a gun, not only to fit in, but, for protection. ...Hmm, gun laws aren't nearly as retarded in OK as they are in IL. Maybe I've found the one saving grace...

And, I will have the Internet.

First Time

2008-12-11T12:10:00.003-06:00

Good news Nobody!

I have one of these, now. Instead of occasionally sending out an e-mail, I could, if I so choose, post here everyday, and you all can, if you so choose, check here everyday. It's like a public diary/journal/log one could read into, except, it's not being picked up on May 3. So, this is the beginning, but, I'm not going to mention how it began or David Copperfield or nothing.

Although I have more to say, (I'd like to think that it's the blogging format and the blogosphere that turned me arrogant, alluding to I will be saying more but thinking I'm titilating enough to hold it back for now, we all know this just provides an outlet for my pompousness....thank's technology) and will more than likely post a few more posts today here, I'd like to be so pretentious enough to think that people actually care about why I chose the layout of the blog the way I did, just should anybody wonder silently and/or grow annoyed with it.

I chose "S2*", because the S and the 2 are supposed to mirror each other to form a heart. The asterisk is supposed to be a star. I did toy with the idea of "<3", for "heart" but, "less than three asterisk" looks like a bad incomplete equation...especially when one considers the asterisk is also a multiplication sign.

StarHeart because, these are the two earings that I wear and I have decided to include this as the signet on the back of all cards that I make because (and even in my head this sounds SO conceited, to tell all of this), ultimately, it is a U2 reference...s. The drummer wears two different earings and I figure, if it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me, and I chose the Heart and Star because I attached the significance of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the 12 stars associated with the Crown of Mary in Apocalypse 12. "Looking for Jesus and His Mother." It's simpler than that, though. I have assigned significance to these shapes, but, I think I am enamoured with these shapes because they evaded me as a child. I couldn't draw a heart or a star when I was young and I was in awe of those who could. It could just be something primal like that that has been impressed into my psyche or id.

Besides, after I saw the title for this, I rather liked it, it had one letter, one number, and one symbol.

I chose black as the background colour because there's nothing more annoying than looking at the computer at night and clicking on a new tab and being blinded by the negative resolution white. It lights up the whole room, it's hard on the eyes, it's not very condusive for my tastes.

The pink looks good with black and the green looks dumb with the pink. The pink and green is, admittingly, an inside joke that will never grow old. It is from my college days. It comes from a movie from hell my friends and I watched.

Hopefully this will work.