Monday, December 15, 2008

Rogers & Hammerstein Meet Nightmare on Elm Street

I'm moving to the state of Oklahoma on January 2, 2009. My mom has a job offer down there, but, since she will do anything to not work, she's sending me to Oklahoma instead so I can live at my Gram's house. She is sending me to live there despite other people having keys to the house (my Mom and my Aunt own it). I am not comfortable with this and hope to change it. Alcohol is expensive down there. There's no Orland Wine and Spirits down there -- great selection, greater prices. No great grocery stores around, either. ...My mom insists it's not in the middle of nowhere, but, if I were to die, nobody would wonder where I was or would smell my decaying corpse. As a matter of fact, if they were to smell anything, there's livestock the next house over, they'd probably just attribute it to that. Always look on the bright side of life, that's what I always say.

It's in the middle of nowhere. The lights outside aren't great, meaning if something happens, I'll be dead before I see my attacker.

I don't even get the main bedroom of the house I'll be living in, that'll still be for my parents. Essentially, I'll be Torgo. ...The harem I wont be allowed to touch will be knick knacks of cats. My mom says I will be able to pack them away, but, not get rid of them. I hope to recruit the tarantulas in the basement to help me move the boxes. I mean, they are big enough. They have 8 legs. I'll even let them live in the boxes if they help out.

Of course, this sounds all unfairly one sided. I'm not elabourating on all the good things about Oklahoma. It's next to Texas, which is a real state, with real people and cities.

The nearest Latin Mass...or Armenian at least an hour and a half away. That means...that somewhere in the state, there are Armenians. ...At least some civilization has managed it's way in. Yes, there are closer churches, but, I don't ever want to attend an Ordinary Form/Novus Ordo Mass again. :(

The motto to where I'm moving is "Home of Cowboys and Italians." I'll be surrounded by Italians. ...Can't get enough of those in Chicago.... "Italian Cowboys". I think "Jon Bon Jovi." I get...well, the people in Oklahoma.

Of course, I hope to have a gun, not only to fit in, but, for protection. ...Hmm, gun laws aren't nearly as retarded in OK as they are in IL. Maybe I've found the one saving grace...

And, I will have the Internet.

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