Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Mom & Michael

Hey Everybody!

Mom has been here less than 5 hours and already I have TWO, count them, TWO, stories!! I believe these happened within the first hour of her being here.

First, as mentioned, she is not a fan of spiders. She checked her bathtub (where I thought there would be dead bodies) and she sees a live spider. She doesn't jump around or go up five octaves or anything, but, she allerts me to it and stares at it like it's Boo Didley from Super Mario Bros. 3, you know, so, like the antagonist in the Fortress of Desert Land, if one stares at it, it wont chase after you. I tell her don't touch it it's mine, don't touch it. When I leave, she is still staring at it.

I excuse myself to the kitchen to grab the needed instruments: a shot glass and a Glad Ware Soup & Salad lid.

I go back to my mom's bathroom and attempt to bring the little guy to safety via the clever means I have avaliable to me.

I start to get a little scared because he keeps evading me and the lid that's trying to chase him. I don't want him to get aggitated and bite me because I didn't know what kind of spider I was dealing with and the light wasn't on. I try a different tactic and put the shot glass down and at one point I think I smoosh him, but, fortunately, I didn't. It is so important to get the spider out of the bathtub because a spider who lands in a bathtub is certain to die. I don't know how they get in there, but, for some reason, though they can crawl on ceilings and fit into tight places, cannot crawl up the sides of a bathtub. It is very sad and very tragic.

I manage to get the spider out and most of its web on me. I was very upset (as I am sure so was he) because I destroyed his cubbord/refrigerator.

I notice that it has, I think, if I recall correctly, yellow and blue stripes on it. I saw in the bathtub that it had a slender body. I want to show my mom. My mom retreats into my room and tells me she doesn't want to see it, just get it outside.

She follows me down the hall, I'm still holding the Glad Ware lid atop which sits the perfectly docile spider encased in a shot glass that fits the center hole perfectly. My mom and I are talking and a few times she becomes increasingly panicky/short tempered and pleads that I put the spider outside already.

I demonstrated for her that the spider has two barriers: 1) Plastic and 2) Glass. The spider isn't penetrating either.

I show the spider outside and tip him out of the shot glass. I am pretty sure I appologized. I know I asked him to sneak back in when he could.

My mom gets upset at me because I turn the outside and inside light on. I have this silly little quirk about liking to sewhere I'm going.... I don't want to step into any of the prehistoric bugs they gots down here, which is why my mom wants me to turn off the lights, so we do not attract bugs in the house.

....Seems to me that if any of those nasty bugs get in the house, a spider would be good company....

Anyway, story two:

While cleaning out a server, a server where every drawer and cabinet is the motley drawer and motley cabinet, I come across a Rx bottle for my Papa Carmine from 1979.



My grandparents moved here in '76. It was a bottle from a Doctor in Blue Island, IL. I guess they were on vacation or something when my Papa needed the Rx.

Anyway, I told people about this: that it's such an old bottle, that nobody has gone through this place, that I'm going to save it to show mom so that she can see that this crap needs to be cleared out.

Everybody's overwhelming response: Thow it out. Throw it out, throw it out, throw it out. Why are you saving it? Throw it out.

Last night I show my mom this bottle. A-Ha!, I think, this will show her that we NEED to go through stuff here and get rid of this junk and update things et. al.

Her response...."I can use this bottle," and she pockets it.

RAWERERERJAELKRJEWLKJROARIJK;LEAJFMKAOEWKLJ.DKE;/FJOI4[Uedowj!!!!!!J Why didn't I just listen to everybody else?!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!?

My mom claims she can put pins or dimes in it.

Mark this day, Follower & Lurkers! I predict, that in the future, I will see that empty bottle shoved in the back of the clothes drawers here as I clear them.

In other news, yesterday was Michael Jackson's funeral. I missed it seeing as how I didn't get to bed until 0900 when the adrenaline ran out and, even if I was up, I probably would have been watching's live coverage of the London premier of HP6.....if I wasn't frantically cleaning.

Anyway, I missed it, but, not to fear: Every. Single. Channel. was covering it and rebroadcasting it (at least them cable news ones were). I saw people dancing in tribute.

Michael and dancers were supposed to be dancing for the new tour about this time, but, there were instead, people dancing in honour of his life.

It's not what we were expecting but, we are seeing Michael Jackson's dancers in early July.

Life is perfect, Life is the best.

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