And we're back!

To our regularly scheduled postings....who knew that a blog dedicated to The Sacred Heart and Our Lady would turn into "I LOVE MY PRIESTS!!!!"? ;)

Anyway, I found out recently, through happenstance clicking around on the Internet, why a priest wears what he does. At least, what he wears what he SHOULD.

~MY~ Father's wear them, and, it makes a difference. I wish all priests would wear these, for their benefit and for ours.

Three Things:

1. Roman Collar.
----Like a dog has a collar, so do these men. It shows that they MUST be obedient to Rome (i.e., the Pope/the Church). They are bound to Her teachings.

2. The Cassock.
----Black. To show that they are dead to the world. Neck-to wrists-to ankles. Modesty. Some have 33 buttons down the front, one for each year of Christ's life.

3. The Cinture.
----The wide belt around the priest's waist. It represents/symbolizes chastity.*

Every morning, traditional priests get up, say their prayers and get dressed (in that order?), and remind themselves and the world (for indeed, the reason priests dress apart is to show the world they ARE set apart, and, in theory, that anybody can see who they are and if they need to get to confession, if they cannot get a hold of that priest, they have a reminder) that they are a priest: they are living for God, dead to the world, and dead for the flesh.

I don't know how holy priests who do not wear the cassock and cinture (and collar) are, I really don't, and far be it from me to speculate on that, BUT, I think it is a grave disservice to the priests, for their own souls, who do not take advantage of this wardrobe. I don't know what seminary hates them, but, I hope, for their own souls, and, for the love of God and His Church and Her members, he would take it upon himself to research and wear these items.

All day, everyday.

* :D :D :D :D :D

According to the Order of Melchisedech

Hey Blog,

Okay, just a little...

I've noticed myself, when speaking to Fr. McCambridge staring at his cossack around half the time than his face.....it's amazing what kind eyes and an overabundance of generocity can do. I like Father, I really really do BECAUSE God has put him here and if I cannot look Father McCambridge in the eye when discussing some things, it's going to be IMPOSSIBLE to stand in judgement before the Trinity. IMPOSSIBLE. As a matter of fact, I feel sorry for my friends, aquaintances, and bosses who think, with the way they dismiss what they do to and for themselves, and to others, that they really will have a shot of Heaven. It's not impossible, of course, providing that they repent, but, they cannot fool God. Just the fact that some are uncharitable, some are sacreligious, and some are lying and theiving, and they think that they wont be condemned if this continues! Especially because they do not have the Sacraments! I've been thinking about it lately; I am very thankful that I have the Sacraments. I don't know if it is because of Confession, Holy Communion, Father Van der Putten's instruction and admonishings from the pulpit (ESPECIALLY assist at Mass more than once a week.....Oh, please, God, bless and keep and keep holy Father Van der Putten), or Father McCambridge's instruction from the pulpit and council to me in person, but, I....don't want to say "feel"...I don't "feel" closer to God, but, I do think I am conforming more to His Will. I HOPE I am conforming more to his Divine Will. I do not feel compelled to engage in certain sins (the sins I know are sins), and I do not wish to join those who do, and I have been speaking out more against some of them to those committing them, and I do not wish to take part in sin and I feel sorry for those who persist in sin. I do hope they quit. I should probably pray for them. I mean, THEY ARE GROWN ADULTS!!!! Stop acting like children, start taking responsibility, stop defrauding, whether poor or rich are those affected!!!

Edit (this paragraph, 2/27/11): Okay, maybe I was a pit rash and harsh in my previous paragraph. Today Fr. VdP mentioned a certain woman who was a convert to the Faith and a friend of Saint Padre Pio (and how he kicked her Protestant mother's dog...and so very few priests would mention that) and her mother died and Saint Pio said she was in Heaven because of (justifiable?) ignorance and she practiced her faith in faith. ...The daughter, the Catholic, on the other hand, who was a Terciary and the kindest, most charitable, woman known to the people, though she went to Mass everyday, had to suffer some time in Purgatory. ...Maybe I am being hard on some of those I know, BUT, I do hope for their sakes they practice the faith as best they can for the love of God and do not try to get one over on Him. May God have mercy.

Where was I? Oh yeah, this one isn't about my priests...but, I just...THEY DO SO MUCH!!!! AND THEY'RE SO HOLY!!!! AND SO VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH GOD!!! They really are just very giving. VERY.

Anyway, this one is about two other priests I've recently read about. Both having the same temptation, one proudly succumbing and leaving God, the other

Pride:
http://www.ncregister.com/blog/fr.-cutie-fallen-priest-as-wholly-innocent-victim/

http://www.chrisaubert.com/chrisaubert.com/%E2%80%A2Truth_Blog/Entries/2011/2/1_Alberto_Cutie_-_Amazing_Email_Exchange.html

Humility:
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/statement-of-fr-thomas-euteneur-setting-the-record-straight

The following, I think, is a bit unfair, but, it is included.

http://yimcatholic.blogspot.com/2011/01/for-cults-of-personality-not-or-my.html

The dynamic between these two is Judas and Peter. The one is obstinant in his pride and sin, the other has contrition, and more importantly, obediance. He is to remain silent on the matter, and he does. His name is continually dragged through the mud, and he lets it be. He's said his peace.

I also like how Fr. Cutie let the temptation overcome him until he could no longer see straight, while Father Euteneur admitted his fail did not result in the sexual act (it could have been a passionate kiss for all we know) and he was NEVER ever considering leaving his ministerial priesthood. He admitted it got out of hand, he apologized to all concerned. He is remaining obedient.

May God have mercy on them both. I was upset at Fr. Cutie, disgusted even, until I read his e-mail exchange. I felt profoundly sorry for him.

"You can lie to yourself and your minions, you can claim that you haven't a qualm, but you NEVER can run from, nor hide what you've done from the eyes.....the very eyes of Notre Dame."

They are a priest forever. ...FOREVER. Whether in Heaven or Hell...FOREVER.
Hebrews 7:17

Feria after the Epiphany, 2011

Yes, so, let me tell you the three little miracles that happened this day, as promised from two posts ago.

1. Got to St. Augustine's before Mass. Confessions were being heard. I was next in line and a young man was after me.

The person before me left, the lights went off, and Father stepped out of the confessional. I went to take a seat, and I think I prayed half-heartedly, because I was disconcerted that God did not want me.

The young man who was behind me came up to me while I was praying and said that Father will hear our confessions.

I think Father was waiting in the door jam and proceeded to go back in. I gave him some time and went in. And thanked him.

I made my confession , he absolved me, and asked me to send in the young man who was after me.

MIRACLE ONE: God made Himself availible to me via this Sacrament. Father was done (I think he thought there were no more penitants), but, he saw that there was still time and people needed to repent.

Then, later, time for Holy Communion. I was thinking about how, either on that Sunday or The Feast of the Circumcision, I had the opportunity to kneel on the marble step directly, not on a cusioned kneeler.

I waited.

THIS Friday, 1/7/11, God gave me a second chance and presented the humiliation to me again. I gratefully took it in Thanksgiving this time. :D :D :D :D :D

MIRACLE TWO: I had the opportunity, undeservedly, to commit and show God my love and adoration for Him. :D

After Mass, though, undeservedly, I was graced GRACED with TWO miracles, I just, couldn't really get my heart in prayer of Thanksgiving. I just couldn't....really commit to talking to God. I couldn't focus or really....feel like I was saying anything relevant.

After a while, Father was walking down the aisle to leave the church and I don't remember if he spoke first or if I did (probably he did) but, he knew I wanted to speak with him. He said that he could talk to other parishoners if I wanted to pray more. I told him I always want to pray more. (which is true, in front of the Blessed Sacrament, I do. I mean, how does one turn one's back on God? How does one say, 'Okay, enough for now, catch You later'?) "What's that?" he asked me, and I repeated myself. He said he would talk to other parishoners and just to come out when I was done.

Needless to say, I was exuberent in my prayer to God after that.

MIRACLE THREE: I'm not even sure. That I had the opportunity to speak with Father? THat I had a renewal in inspiration and adoration?

I do know, however, that I was very ungrateful, for some....stupid reason, before that third one, THOUGH I HAD NO RIGHT TO BE! WHY?!!! When God had ben so providing and outgoing to me twice before?!!!!!

I finished and went out to Father, and, well, you can read the other post for that, but, this night, three miracles in 90 minutes, two of them taking less than 30 seconds has helped me in the past few weeks.

God used Father to show His love for me.

...I just don't even know what to make of that.

Extreme Poverty & Perfekt Povertye

Hey Blog,

Incidentally, Father McCambridge was in the Navy, not the Marines.

Can't find my copye of "Piers Ploughman," so, I'm not sure if that's how it was spelled, but, that's where I got it from.

Anway, 38 years ago today, the United States decreed that women in this country have the choice and the right to kill their children as they wish.

Tulsa had a March for Life demonstration and speakers afterwards.

FSSP-Tulsa was there to represent at the march, at least in part.

Both priests were there and select parishoners.


Father Van der Putten was carrying the Vatican flag and Father McCambridge was carrying the American flag.

After the march, during the...I don't know, either a speaker or an introduction to the first speaker, I turned and looked towards Father Van der Putten (I was to his left, yards away, trying to get a better view...or any view of the person speaking), and he was looking up. It appeared that he was looking atop the flag he was carrying, to the top of the pole on which it was, where there was a cross. :) It was gold. He was just looking at it (or so it seemed to me), not smiling, maybe frowning, just...maybe...contemplating it or praying....or maybe his mind was blank...IF he was actually even looking at the cross, I don't know, but, it got me to look up at the cross and be...joyful.

I have so much respect for Father Van der Putten and admire him so much and didn't want to approach him for a while because I believe him to be such a very holy priest and I think I know why he and Father McCambridge make me so very happy:

THEY LOVE GOD AND THEY WANT ME TO GET INTO HEAVEN.

In that order.

...And not just me, these men really do make it their entire existence to prepare people for God.

They prepare themselves for God. They love God, one can tell it in the way they offer the sacrifice of the Mass, the way they dress, the way they speak at their homilies, the way they make themselves avalible to their parishoners, they live for God and they die to themselves for God. They offer the Old Mass in this new age. They do this out of love and respect for God and His Church.

Let me stress...and His Church.


These men do not have to be FSSP priests. They can offer Latin Masses and be outside of the Church or offer the Mass in the OF as a parish priest.

But, they aren't. They are obeying the Pope fully and being reverent to God.

The whole thing about this epiphany I had on 1/22/11 was because of a conversation that happened on Thursday.

Father McCambridge needs to read up on some...sources to see if a particular interest I have is worthy of my time.

This interest I have is one that is shared and was brought to my attention by some friends.

I told one friend who (had been telling me how I'd enjoy this particular interest before I picked it up) about a conversation Father McCambridge & I had and how he's...uneasy about this regarding my spiritual good. I told him I have a book that brings religion into it and he asked me, "Does it have an Impramatur?"

She proceeded to tell me she thinks he's....nuts or something to that effect; she simultaneously scoffed at the idea and insulted God's priest (Lord have mercy) and that this isn't the 1950's, there isn't a list of banned books. There's social justice issues in Tulsa, my particular interest shouldn't be such a big deal.


The "social justice" thing made me cringe. "Social Justice" is a code phrase by liberal Catholics that inclines the need for various secular causes above the mission of the Church.

And that's why I love my priests, because they do not buy into that. :) Father made time for me because I wanted to talk to him. He is concerned about my soul and gives me what I need to make it into Heaven. I have the free will to accept or reject his councel.

(1/30/10): Let me again repeat: Father made time for MEEEEEEeee. He was concerned enough that I was kinda troubled about this to want to help me through it a bit (though, I wanted to share some things with him, to let him know). It's not that he wants to do something for some vague humanist idea for a group of people, he wants to help the individual person.

BUT, this isn't about Father McCambridge, no. Believe it or not, this blog is dedicated to Father Van der Putten. I am not as comfortable around him as I am Father McCambridge. Even tonight, calling them to try to figure something out, I'm pretty sure I was ranty and hysterical trying to convey something to FVdP, but, as soon as FMC came on the phone, the thing I was having trouble with was easier to explain to him.

I think Father Van der Putten is holier, but, I think Father McCambridge makes me holier. God has granted Father Van der Putten with charisma, but, Father McCambridge, I believe, has been graced with humility. I love them both. I, though I fight against it, trust them both.

I remember being at a breakfast one morning (for some reason, I actually stayed after Mass to go next door to the breakfast. I don't know what I was thinking), and though Father Byrne (I think) was the pastor, because of counsel Father Van der Putten (who was the assistant) gave me in the confessional, I asked if I could speak to him when I was done. He said yes. (I think it's just because I had spoken with him more I wanted his advice.) When I was done I went up to him and we walked out to the parking lot. I explained my situation, about working for less than minimum wage and serving and poverty. He told me that it would be okay for me to get a new job, if not told me to get a new job. "Humiliations will come," 'you don't have to look for them'. (I know he said that first part, I think he said the second. Or something like it.) And he was right! :) Now, I try, with the job I have, to make the most of my little crosses. :)

For a while, I will admit, to being angry/disturbed/distressed/defilent to Father because of something he said during a homily. Feast Day of St. Maria Goretti, 2009, even though there was more to it, he mentioned women in pants was immodest. Let me repeat: women should only be in skirts or dresses.

>_<

Oh, I was a'fumin'!

He was probably going on about femininity or something and relating to how his dad worked in a coal mine and how no men swore until the woman who was hired swore and how that opened up a Pandora's Box and how it doesn't matter that women can do what men can do. Also, women shouldn't even wear pants in their own homes in front of their husbands or children (probably not alone, either). Women should be feminine and although mini-skirts are immodest, they are still designed to attract men. He made the following statement: Mini-skirts are to fornication what pants are to sodomy.

:O
>:(

I came home, went on Catholic Answers Forums, posted what he said, and made war with anybody who disagreed with me (I MEAN HOW VERY....GAH!!!), not that that was my intent. I didn't know if anybody WOULD disagree with me, and some people said I need a new priest. And, now, viewing that thread again recently, I am very sad to see all this and I hope those people have learned better, too.

The next week I asked him in the confessional if women wearing pants was immoral and again, he said yes, and explained some things. I didn't agree with him but I said alright.

The following week or two, I mentioned this, again, in the confessional, to the pastor. I told him I've researched it and that's not what the church teaches. (There's signs in the Vatican saying women can wear pants.) He said he'd talk to him (I had to tell him this again after he absolved me. He also told me to ignore that one thing Father said, but, not to look down on him, or something).

Father Van der Putten mentioned this from the pulpit two more times, I think (keep in mind, I was still wearing pants to Mass). GRRRRRRRRRR on my insides each time.

I was upset, distraught about it not only for the how DARE he tell me what to wear, but, I didn't have the funds at the time. Oh sure, I had a dress or two, but, I didn't want to wear them.

Funny thing, I got a job. I think at some point, mabye before or after I got a job, I said to myself if I get a job, I will get dresses/skirts (www.holyclothing.com <-- site I learned about when I first ranted against FVdP). I had a job for one and one-half months. The heat got to me one day, I was wearing black pants, and I decided then I would buy dresses/skirts.

Self-preservation got me to do God's Will.

It took less than one year since I heard the homily to do this.

I've since asked FVdP in the confessional about pants. He did say that women could wear them, but, there needs to be a good reason, like gardening or something. ....Not that I think I would go back to pants much. I have worn pajama bottoms, though....

Anyway, I think I need to conceed that even if God doesn't demand all women in skirts/dresses, He wants ME in them. He wouldn't have given FSSP-Tulsa FVdP if this wasn't the case....and the thing is, there is another Latin Mass Celebrated in Muscogee, which happens not only later, but, it's closer, but, I didn't like the layout of the church, nor how I couldn't half-kneel/half-sit due to the seating arrangements, so, I started getting up earlier to go to St. Augustine's.

Also, it's the only other parish I have actually belonged to besides St. Elizabeth Seaton in Orland. For all the church hopping/shopping I did, I never actually joined any....well, wait...maybe St. John Cantius, I get mail from them.

It's so very odd. It's like God loves me enough to want me to be here or something.

Anyway, continuing on with FVdP.

For two years, I think, but, I cannot be 100% positive, two years, though, I think on a Sunday in 2009 and Ash Wednesday 2010 (?), I went to confession, FVdP was listening, and each time he asked something like, "Have you decided what you're giving up for Lent"?

...Gahhhh...what?

I mean, I had...half, maybe thought about it. Had a vague idea...ish. Father Van der Putten cared enough, CARED ENOUGH, to ask, and then....AND THEN....talk me through a workable idea...at least that first year...I don't remember if I had something better the second year.

HE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT ME DOING RIGHT BY GOD'S CHURCH!!!

Seriously, if anybody ever reads this, I want you to think about that. This man, this holy man, this priest, my spiritual father took the time to make sure that I was going to die to self for the season.

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

It was also through him that I learned about Ember Days. He made an announcement from the pulpit. I think it was Summer or Fall 2010. Yes, I know, I've been at that church since 2009, (but not frequently) and St. John Cantius, and this was the first time I heard about Ember Days.

Another thing asked of me from the confessional: Are you saying your morning prayers?

He cares about my relationship with God. He cares enough to make sure I HAVE a relationship with God. He cares that I talk and go to God often, and meditate on Him, and have recourse from the devil.

He's asked me this question a few times, I think.

Once, the following conversation (or spirit of it) transpired:

Me: I cross myself

FVdP: *scoffing and sardonic* That's a prayer?!

Me: *high pitched and defensive, and sounding like a three year old* It's a prayer! (It's hard to capture in text).

FVdP: *scoffing and sardonic* So, what is that? You give God 2 seconds?

Me: Three to five.

FVdP: And your night prayers?

Me: I give a little more during my night prayers.

FVdP: What? Five seconds?

Me: Ten to twelve.

He then put me on a regiment of prayers. I don't know how long I kept it up, but, I've since abandoned practically all. I do my Morning Offering (but, that's more now because of FMC), and, if I remember, say three Hail Mary's in the morning for purity and three at night for final perseverance.

Also asked of me in the confessional (are you noticing a patern?), at least, I think this is what caused the reply: Are you saying your daily Rosary?

--Father, I don't really have a devotion to it/I don't really like the Rosary.

FVdP: It's not about you.

My soul: :D :D :D :D :D

That really is the best thing I could ever hear besides the words of absolution and what the priest says when distributing the Eucharist.

I have never forgotten that and I hope I never will.

Also asked in the confessional was about work or shopping on a Sunday. (Not good...generally). I also asked, 'What about if one goes to the Vigil Mass on a Saturday, does one not shop or do work that day?'

FVdP: The Vigil is an abomination! (again, hard to transcribe. He didn't yell it, but, he raised his voice and the pitch of his voice. I think he said that the Bishop has said as such...)

Another time, I asked if I was profaning the Lord's Day by watching Brit-coms with double-entendre's and such.

FVdP (mumbling, if I recall correctly): You shouldn't be watching those, anyway....

And, during the interruption of the Mass, the announcements and the homily, FVdP has said the following:

About the children learning their catechism, which, they need to do at an accelerated rate: You will learn the prayers or *ominously and deeply into the microphone* You. Will. Pay.

:D :D :D :D :D

ALSO, there is a poem he repeats ad nauseum.

Mr. Business went to Mass/He did it every Sunday./Mr. Business went to hell/For what he did on Monday.

He wants his flock to understand coming to Mass once a week doesn't cut it. We need to live it. We need to be Catholic 24/7.

Also, I love how, when I taught 2nd/3rd graders their CCD, I was told not to mention hell and yet, Father is not only mentioning it, but, it's in verse form, so all can remember. There are newborns and there are senior citizens at Mass; Father is being charitable to all by mentioning hell and reminding us there is a hell.

Last thing, the beginning of the Mass procession earlier this month. I was in line for confession....I suppose one realizes that's a reoccuring theme....anyway, I was in line for confession and debating whether I should mention one thing or not before the bell was rung, and I remember watching it, because I was in the back and had a clear view; the cesure youth kinda half rolled his eyes and his face showed that wherever he was, he wasn't at the Mass at that time.

The next....6....youths, I want to say, processed with their candles.

There were four young boys and Father. Father was in the back, behind the young boys.

He saw that the young boys were going to proceed to follow the youths too closely.

Father flew, he swooped in, and placed the talons of death on the boys' shoulders, looking down (I wouldn't have guessed his eyes open if I didn't know better), until it was the right time for them to proceed.

Father respects the Mass, Father loves God, Father wanted things PERFECT, because God deserves no less.

I thank God for a priest to remind me of that.

Incidentally, when I saw this, I kinda had this interior thing about if Father will not hold anything back from the Mass and give 100% to it, as It deserves it, I have the courage to confess all (or at least inquire) during the sacrement I was going to receive.

Father really is quite inspirational.

Thank you, God, for your priests.

God's Few, God's Humble, God's Priests

He must increase, I must decrease.

Hey Blog,

I've been meaning to get in touch with you for a while. Remind me to share with you my epiphany about Christmas and Sex. No, seriously, you'll like it.

But, that's not why I'm here tonight, Blog. I'm here because of...well, I should probably write about God's graces as well, but, my intent was to write on a priest and his actions.

It's good. One never hears anything good about priests, EVER, but, oh my gosh, I can't believe this happened.

Alright, I think I'm going to save God's graces for another day (interestingly enough, the three occurances happened this same day....AND, because of this same priest).

Of course, as with all my writtings, a little (more) exposition: Feast of the Circumcision of Our Lord, 2011, Fr. Van Der Putten, in his homily, urged all to make the New Year's Resolution to assist at one more Mass per week than one is obligated. He said they offer Masses at 7:00 and 8:00, and surely, people can make time before work to come to one of those Masses, and if not, he will gladly offer a 0600 Mass.

Knowing I live 2 hours away, and work an hour fifteen, one and one-half hours away, I knew that was impossible. ...

However...

There is a Friday evening Mass offered at 1900. If I leave work on time, I could get there, probably by 1800, but, this has never happened. I have gone before, though.

BUT, surely, this urging of the priest, excludes me....I mean, I live two hours away! That's, like, another, like, $80-$90 gas/month. I can do an extra Mass once a month (which, he also mentioned in his homily is not enough), but once a week is just too much.

I was almost on the verge of tears because of this. I KNOW, it is not binding, per say; the priest cannot MAKE us do this in any way....but, it's not for nothing he's saying to do this. BUT, I mean, c'mon, SURELY, ~I~ am the exception, ~I~ get a dispensation from this.

And after wrestling with my conscience:

Conscience: You have somewhere better to be?
Me: .......
Conscience: You have something better to do?
Me: .......
Conscience: You going to put something above Jesus, really? When He's CLEARLY allowing an option for you?
Me: >_<
Conscience: You think God wont provide with the money? Of all the things you're going to skimp on, Mass? There's NO where else one can allow for exceptions in one's budget?
Me: ARGGHHH! (sound of my will breaking)
Conscience: :) :D :)

So I was at Mass on Friday (we'll see how long this lasts. I also made NYR to 1. Pray the Rosary everyday, 2. Pray to the Sacred Heart everyday, 3. Pray to St. John the Baptist everyday), and afterwards, while I was still kneeling in prayer, I spoke with Fr. McCambridge walking out the door, who allowed me to stay to pray some more and he could talk to other parishoners. He knew I needed to speak with him (I think I called him and he hadn't responded) and I told him so. He knew.

1. He offered to wait for me.
After a while, I finished and I went out to see him where he was talking with two other men. Kind of on cue, they left.

He and I went inside the small area between the doors that lead outside and the doors that lead to the church part of the church.

2. He made himself avalible to me.

We spoke (more on this later...possibly).

3. He even offered to go WAY out of his way for me.

Anyway, when he was done counseling me, he offered to give me a blessing. ( :D :D :D ) After he gave me a blessing, he asked me where I'm parked and said that it's not the safest neighbourhood so, he offered to walk me to my car. (I half thought this was unnecessary because, well, like, I'm invincible.... I don't know, it's like, nothing has happened before, it's like God is watching out for us who go to Mass there....I don't know...I've never had a problem before...even in the dark (of course, there were other people still there those times.))

I said it's funny he says that because whenever I mention Mass, people always ask me the one 5 minutes away (because I am so blessed to live 5 minutes away from a Catholic Church ( :D )), or the one in Tulsa, because they all know it's the "bad" part of Tulsa. "But, so far so good," or something like that.

He gave me a queer look and said, "Well let's keep it that way."

He opened the doors to the church part of the church, probably knelt in front of the tabernacle, turned off the lights, and knelt again in front of the tabernacle. I was against the door, holding it open all this time.

We step outside, he gets his keys and fumbles with them, checking them in the light to see which key is the one needed to lock the door. As he locks the door, I start walking towards my car. He quickly catches up and walks on my left side, the side between me and the street (though, there is grass and a gate that seperates the small parking lot and the street). I thought that was rather chivalrous and gallant, for lack of better terms.

We make small talk about the weather and such and I get to my car (I notice the car he drove has a pro-life bumper sticker and "Neutrons have Mass?! I didn't even know they were Catholic!" I love puns, but, that is lame.).

I tell him my house is half decorated like Hogwarts from the Harry Potter universe but I tried to keep it not tacky and he laughs. :)

4. He waits for me to get in my car.

5. I then notice, he's behind my car, near his car, watching me, waiting to see if my car will start, I guess.

I then leave, thanking God for him almost the entire way home.

Him walking me to my car is something I cannot get over. This happened on 1/7/11 and here it is, the Commemoration of the Baptism of Our Lord, 1/13/11, and it still touches me. I think it inspired me to be a better and more selfless Catholic this week. Like I said, I thought it was odd yet chivalrous and gallant at first, but, then I thought about it more and more (how could one not?!) and this is what occured to me (the next day, I think): This priest did the most in persona Christi thing that anybody has ever done for me (to my knowledge), firstly, and secondly, he was very in persona Christi in general.

Did he walk me to my car just to be nice, NO! he walked me to my car, without regard to his safety, nay, he walked to my car with total abandonment for his safety. He could have walked on my other side, his car was on the other side of mine (across from mine, on the other side of the small parking lot), but, he walked on my left side. If something was going to happen to me, he wasn't going to permit it. He was going to be in the way of anything; if something was to befall me, it would target him first. He was RIGHTBY my side, blocking me (as much as a very tall, very lean man could). Whatever may have happened to me that night (I'm still holding I would have been fine....but, I'm not going to say no to a priest who wants to walk me to my car), Father McCambridge was going to ...sacrifice... himself so that I would be okay.

I mean, yes, it's grand that he has given me absolution and the Eucharist, more so than I know, but, this was ...practical. This was...real. This was tangible. This is, like, really, the message of the Gospel. This is the graces that absolution and the Eucharist bestow so that one can die to self and live for Christ.

THEN, it occurs to me days later, NOT ONLY did he act in persona Christi, he was very much acting as my Father. He was going to protect his child at all costs. He was going to make sure she wasn't left stranded, either. I mean, if I was going to die that night, THEN would have been the perfect time, I had received the Eucharist AND gotten a blessing from a priest. My soul was good to go, but, no, Father McCambridge was going to protect and defend my body that night.


I think he may have even followed me part of the way home (I'm pretty sure I noticed his car going up one off-ramp while mine went down another), but, that may have been coincidence.

He went way out of his way for me. WAY out. Not only physically, but, the things he offered to do for me, should the need arise. No regard for himself (or, at least, that's how it seems to me).

And the thing is, it wasn't personal; he would do the same for any of his children or any of God's children.

Father McCambridge was in the Marines. I don't know if he was a Marine or a chaplin for them, but, it wouldn't surprise me if he was trained to fight for his country, just because he is so fit and orderly and seemingly disciplined.

He defended one of this Country's daughters, and, for that, by this post, I salute him.

Thank you, Father McCambridge. You are in my prayers.

Thank you, Holy Trinity, one God, for creating this man,
Thank you Holy Trinity, one God, for calling him to the priesthood,
Thank you Holy Trinity, one God, for sending him to Tulsa,
Thank you Jesus for giving him Your Sacred Heart.
Thank you Jesus for giving him Your Sacred Heart to give to others.
Amen.

Temperance for Punnishment

+JMJ

Disclaimer: This one's kinda long. No, longer than average. This one took me a week. You may want to fix yourself a snack, first.



My mom has this story about me that I refuse to believe is true.



It seems that when I was 2, I kept telling my mom I was hungry. Apparently she wasn't moving fast enough because the next thing she knows, she turns around to find out I had gone to the refrigerator, opened it, positioned a chair (I think, not sure) to stand on to get to the Kraft singles, got a slice of cheese, unwrapped it and started eating it.


My mom tells this story because she adds to the end of it, "It was at this point, I knew, 'This kid will never starve.'"


I tell you this as a precursor to this entry.



It's Lent.


No matter how many times this happens (once a year, it's cyclical), my friends are always surprised when I tell them.


I write this to help my friends understand what I'm doing this year.



As much as I could have given up bubble baths, because I love the way the bubbles feel between my toes, I've decided to do something more.


Last year I gave up eatting in between meals. That worked well for those 46 days.


I'm trying that again this year....with not as much success.


Other things I'm doing this year? Meatless Wenesdays AND Fridays, little red meat, no alcohol, portion control, and, I was surprised myself when most of the time so far I also didn't eat after midnight....or break a fast as close to midnight as possible.


AND, no Food Network on the tele.


Some may think this is overkill, but, I assure you, it's not. When I'm trying to subject food and modify it, I'd just be watching Channel 231 like it was pornography. Furthermore, I think that the network in and of itself doesn't help what with a new show entitled, "The Best Thing I Ever Ate."



Also, over indulgence in alcohol is also gluttony; it is using and misusing alcohol to the point of making one sick, which is what too much food can do as well.


I know I have a problem with food because I was looking up a recipe online....and it led me to other recipes....which led to a story....and, I was fantasizing about all the wonderful things I could make....


I had to snap out of it and navigate away from that one particular site.


How much do I love food?


Q: Why did I become Christian?
A: Was subjected to this "A Thief in the Night" series about the Rapture. Was athiest then (7th Grade). After seeing this low budget B 70s Evangelical propeganda, I was concerned I'd end up left behind. What happens to those left behind (according to this erronious belief?) You sell your soul to Satan and willingly damn yourself to make a living or
you

die.



I remember waking up one morning, worrying, 'Okay, if the Rapture were to happen, and I couldn't buy anything, what could I eat? Callendar....paper's edible....' (Because I'd have to hide from the government or something as well lest they'd kill me....or something.)


Q: What's Attia's favourite bird?

A: Vulture. None of this, "Early bird gets the worm," ballocks, no. Vulture eats only dead things. Vulture wakes up, oh look, there is food waiting for it. It's God's plan B should something not have the honour of being burried.



Q: What's Attia's first thought waking up on Ash Wednesday & Good Friday?

A: "I can't eat, I can't eat, I can't eat, I can't eat, I can't eat, I can't eat," usually acompanied throughout the day with a countdown until midnight.


(Ash Wednesday & Good Friday are not only abstinance days, days where, in America, anyway, all Catholics between the ages of 14 but not yet 60, provided they are in good health and are not pregnant or nursing, must abstain from meat, but also fasting days, the only two required by the Church in the entire year. These days 18 - 59 year old Americans (I think these are the ages) are only allowed one full meal, and two smaller meals (but no snacking) to keep up stregnth if necessary PROVIDING that those two smaller meals do not equal another whole meal. I think if one is a manual labourer, though, there may be leweigh some even on that.)


Q: True or False: Conversing over the phone with a friend one night, Attia was distracted by a Wendy's commercial.

A: FALSE!!!!!*


Q: Attia gets a little sad when she looks at her plate and sees that she's almost done eating, or, at the very least, that one item on her plate is almost gone.

A: True. This shows I have an emotional attachment to food. I also hate just eating one thing at a meal. No matter what I'm having, I try to doctor it up with more food (instead of just pasta, and, not simply pasta, but, a filled pasta, like raviolli or tortalini, I try to have a vegetable, or, leftover vegetable pizza, and bread or something. Instead of just a cream soup, I put in rice or egg noodles to make it more substantial).



It was that third question that made me realize just how bad my gluttony was.


I kept believing that I didn't have a problem and that I could quit anytime I wanted. I wanted to believe food didn't beat me when clearly, it's pounded me, took my lunch money, and some how bought all cheap crap food which it then spoon fed me and beat me up some more.


And, it's not so much overeating. I looked up Overeater's Anonymous and I don't really have those symptoms. Gluttony is so much more than just simply overeating. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gluttony


Basically, it's putting food in the center of one's life, where only God should be. It is giving one's life to food and letting food control one's life. If one goes to that Wiki link, one sees that St. Thomas Aquinas considers eating to daintilly gluttony & I can understand why: it's being afraid of food. It's the oposite side of the same coin because it's still letting food be in control.

There was an episode of "Will & Grace," where Grace finds a new Chinese noodle place she likes. She likes the noodles there so much that she places another order to go. The character's lines before getting ready to leave the restaurant are along the lines of, 'I can't wait until I'm hungry again so I can eat these.'

That's gluttony; that's disgusting.

What I am trying to accomplish this Lent, through abstinance/fasting and prayer, is to subject food and not be subject to it. I am better than food, I was created for more than food.....but of all the addictions to have, food is right up there with air.

I always thought it was stupid when those fat people on talk shows said, "It's not like drugs or alcohol, I have to eat. You don't NEED to drink," but, I'm, thank God, not suffering from the same cross as them. I'm not a compulsive eater, because, as I said, gluttony is more than just eating. However, we DO need to eat. The only person I ever heard admit he doesn't like eating is Barry Manalow. Even he said, though, that at the end of the day, he wonders why he's shaking and then realizes he hasn't eatten.

The body is set up for food. We do need to eat to sustain life. Those on hunger strikes usually drink some special liquid to keep going or they soon die. Fasting is done as a pennance in religions, believed to make the person better. No human enjoys denying one's self, especially of something so basic because it is counter to our instinct. Not eating makes you die. The human race did not evolve for thousands of years to climb to the top of the food chain to voluntarily not eat. We had plenty of time to not eat and we didn't utilize that time. You know who did? Neither do I, because they're extinct now.

I asked a priest is there anything to help me with the fasting and the sin of gluttony and he said, and it was so helpful to hear, "Yes. Know that by fasting, you wont die." That's really important, because, he's right. It would take a lot of fasting for it to kill me. If I decided to do more, I would be uncomfortable, perhaps not really able to function (my body can go 20 hours before turning against me), but, not eating as much everyday on a whim isn't going to make my parent's outlive me.

See, the eating is, again, for survival. The more I eat, then, it follows, the more I survive: I'm the next step in evolution.



Not only do we need to eat, we need to do it daily, multiple times, preferably. We NEED to. One's body cannot properly function if one cannot digest food. It is so basic and natural, eating cannot be praised enough, but, again, it's not solely about eating; it's the glorification and fantasizing and fixating on food that causes gluttony.



And, we don't really need to be sold on eating. It ammuses me, the food commercials I'm noticing while I'm doing this. There's one for Sonic saying, "To me, food should come at the push of a button." Oh yeah, just what this country needs, an easier way to get high caloric food. I also am rather fond of the sentuous chocolate commercials. .....You know, just in case food needs to be more tempting. And, shots of food going in people's mouths, again, terriffic. Just in case we forget how to eat, we can look at TV to guide us.


I am beginning to think this country can save money by stopping adverts of food. We all need to eat. Few of us have a victory garden or a farm. We regularly go to the store. We need to go up and down multiple aisles to get what we want. If there's something new there, we're more than likely, to increase our chances of survival, going to pick it up.....especially if it's reasonably priced.



Also, I get coupons for food delivered to my e-mail.


I must admit, however, as much as I want to say this isn't just about eating inbetween meals, that is a part of it. It is annoying to want to eat or indulge in sugar only to be reminded: It's Lent. It's not about being satisfied. And, the eating between meals is just a quick fix....it's not like it curbs the appetite for the rest of the day, no. Even should I snack at one moment, I get hungry again.



And, it's not like I even have it that bad. The suggestion last year was so easy: don't eat between meals. Historically, those observing Lent did not eat meat, eggs, butter, cream, sugar, ect.... basically, they lived on vegetables....and not good ones, ones from last years harvest; this year's harvest had not yet come in. People were using the rest of what they had from last year to get by these 40 (6) days.



I learned that on a show on EWTN. Also learned: The chickens didn't know it was Lent; they continued to lay eggs. That is how the tradition of hiding eggs came about.


By not eating, my hunger pangs increase sending the signal to my brain of self abolition....by not drinking, I cannot dull this away.



I have a cousin who calls me up and tells me not only how much he's eatten at one time, but, exactly the crap food he ate throughout the day. Clearly food plays a BIG part of his life. I can even hear the smile in his voice when he talks about it.


Food should never EVER make anybody who has eatten in the past week that happy. EVER.


On the opposite side of that, I have had friends who have told me they had forgotten to eat and they have had to fast for 24+ hours for medicinal / clinical reasons. I want to say I wish I could do that, but, honestly, I know myself too well. I fantasize too much about food even when I'm not hungry.....this is what I'm trying to re-wire my brain about.


It's not about what I don't have, it's what I do have and what I can have. The more I do here on earth to curb my appetite and focus on God and place food where it belongs, the less I will have to be purged of when I die. What I'm doing is not a diet or a live-it because, that, again, puts the focus on food, weather counting calories, counting points, or keeping a food journal and eating six times a day, I am trying to....not ignore food, but, not have to ignore it. I don't want to think about food any more than is necessary. I will not be worried about what I am going to eat on any given day or how I will have to plan my schedule around food. I will be appreciative of the food I have and not wonder how can have more food. The focus is to not focus on food. This is hard for the average American family as opposed to the medieval European family because not only is there more food, but, there's all the adverts reminding us about food (including, but not limited to, the burger, chicken, & seafood fast food joints telling us about their limited time fish specials). Compare this to the other family, who used up all the butter, and sugar, and eggs, and mainly survived on vegetables....and last harvest's vegetables at that. We now have more access to food (and, I am okay with that....from a survivalist standpoint) which makes fasting harder.


Finally, I can't help but think that the reason we have to fast is because of the stupid sin of gluttony in the first place. ....I meant every word of those last two prepositional phrases. It was the stupid sin of gluttony I read, that was the original sin. The forbidden fruit in the Book of Genesis, one reads, was good for food and was pretty and blah blah blah and the woman ate it and so did the guy she was with, but, it is not specified that either were particularly hungry. They ate because they thought they could get more out of it.



My goal, this Lent, then, is to subject food to God's desire for me and not my desire. I aim not to objectify it as something to be used to gratify me, it will not be my crutch to comfort me. Food will be used to sustain me. I will try not to eat more than I need (indeed, the book, "Piers Ploughman" had a character suggest it is best to stop eating a little before you feel you are full).



I must confess, on Saturday (early morning) 3/6/10, I did eat a vegetarian egg roll even though I was....kinda full, just to not have to have the inconvienience of being annoyingly hungry. That was wrong. That was going back to what I'm trying to stop. Food is not for my entertainment. I MUST understand this. If I want to live, I have to start thinking about God first thing in the morning and not food.



AND, I must also do this for the love of God. A spiritual director said what I'm giving up this Lent (I don't think he knew), use that time to read the Bible. Good plan. I must not do this to buy my way into Heaven because that not only doesn't work and not how things are set up, that instills in me a sense of pride. I must do this because I love God and want to depend more on Him.



This year has been easier, and, as Lent goes on, I've been trying to do more and more in the way of fasting. I'm surprised how much grace God has poured into me this Lent.



AND, As much as I must stop thinking about my stomach and not do this out of pride, I must also not do this out of fear: I would put off fasting until the latest possible point I could on the days of fasting so that I would then gourge myself and also, not have to suffer hunger later. Though, this never worked (as, I was always hungry enough to break the fast a wee bit after midnight), I did it because I wanted to be able to eat meat (meat seems to fill me up more....though, I know that is psychological, and, if I ate a little something before then, I would worry about breaking my fast AND, I wouldn't be hungry after midnight, which is what I was looking forward to). I must also condition myself that it is okay to eat up to two lighter "meals" on those two fasting days if I must. Wanting meat again is just letting food win. It is okay to eat if I am hungry, and ONLY if I am hungry.

I remember having a friend over one Saturday when I was in high school. He was there for lunch and dinner. He commented about not wanting dinner because he wasn't hungry. It was the first time I had EVER heard something like that. I mean, what does eating dinner have to do with being hungry?

So, to be more appreciative of food, of how my body works, of God's plan for salvation, and of Christ's sacrifice, I am trying to become a better human being as was intended by devoting more of my life and time to not consuming things and not wondering what I can consume.

Dante's theory on the gluttonous being purged was having to run laps in order to build up an appetite, and, passing a waterfountain that they couldn't drink from in order to have that much more of a desire to quench the pallate. I don't want any of my afterlife to mimic gym class at Prarie Elementary school, so, I do this now.

I'm going to stop it here. There's other things I could go on about and will perhaps mention in an upcoming blog, but, this was an explination. Hope you all got your fill.

*It was Burger King. My train of thought really did get derailed and I apologized when I was studdering.

How badly do I need a job? The votes are in...

Seeing as I am currently unemployed and have most of an entire house at my disposal, I had already figured that now (or, "then") would be as good time as any to start with the cleaning.

As much as I wish I was done at any time after any "project" I set out to accomplish, because there is a house of stuff, STUFF THAT I WANTED MY MOM TO SORT THROUGH BEFORE SHE LEFT IN WINTER AND AGAIN WHILE SHE WAS HERE THIS SUMMER might I add, and ~my~ stuff to sort into this place, I have found this an ongoing project.

I need money. I'm not just saying that to be coy, I NEED money at this point and I need to find something that I want to do so that I can stick with it, and, I have been looking, but, not too tough. I have been looking and applying, but, not calling and confirming....and, nobody has called me.

I cannot say, at this point, though, I acknowledge a need to start being more self-sufficient, I am upset with this arrangement. It has given me time to unpack. I moved down here in January. I didn't unpack all my clothes until July. I'm still not, "fully unpacked." as there's another box full of stuff that I need to decide what to do with and then I'll probably need to rearrange some things in the house IF I want to keep them in this house before I could meld my things with them.

I bring this up because some point between the winter and the spring, I rearranged part of the kitchen. These changes made the kitchen less cluttered and more efficient because, when one keeps shoving things in cabinets and drawers, 1) One loses track of what one has, 2) One is not able to find what one needs conveniently, 3) Others may not be able to find what others need conveniently and, 4) Time and elements affect said items and they may not be fit for consumption or use of any kind anymore. This is why I wanted my mom to go through things, but, noooooo...... *Decides to leave the digressive dissertation about all the stuff I have found whilst cleaning, including, but not limited to Christmas items, out* So, when she was here in summer, and the house needed to lose a cabinet so that the water filter could be installed, she told me not to touch anything on the counter because she needed to fit those items in the cabinets underneath. No problem.

The best part of that was when she asked, "Did you know this house had a waffle iron?"
Me: No. Did you?
Mom: No.

See what fun it is to clean in an old house everyday?

So, I decided, since, while she was down here, the house got a dishwasher and she didn't rearrange more than she had to, wouldn't it be fun (yes, I am sad) to go through the cabinets and wash everything and see what all we have and put them back in a proper order....or, order? I can put all the plastics together and all the measuring cups (6, if one doesn't count the one on the ring) together, and all the great big pasta pots (8, but, who's counting) together. I could put all the spices and oils in one cabinet and all the paper/wax/foil products in another so some wont be in one and some wont be in another.

I don't know when the last time I had such a good time was.

Amongst my cleaning I found two dead flies, three dead brown spiders, a long (insect) leg, longer than the scorpion I found and, one dead scorpion. It is little, but, well preserved. It now sits atop the mantle over the fire place in a snack baggie that was lying around within a bottle/jar I found. I find that there is so much this house has to offer within itself! It's like Hogwarts, truly, because whenever I open another door, there's a surprise waiting! [Case in point, this is an edit: I have begun (and, am almost through for all I know) cleaning out three hardware drawers in the kitchen. My mom didn't want me to, but, after being not able to find measuring tape (we have 5 in the kitchen alone, 4 of which are not broken), it's happening. I don't want hardware stuff in the kitchen, but, I guess if it must stay.... In the second drawer, I found half a tube of Colgate toothpaste. I think it's Colgate Total, so, it's in the last 4 years, if not much sooner, I'm guessing. I also found a toothbrush holder and a toothbrush in the first drawer. Not the same brand of toothbrush and holder, mind you...]

Well, that only got me so far. There were three cabinets that my mom didn't want me to go through, but, after being sick of not knowing what stuff this house still held, finding out that there were part of different collections everywhere, SOME OF THE STUFF DIDN'T EVEN BELONG IN A KITCHEN, and it would help with space issues, I decided: but I must.

And so I did. I was surprised to find that there was a 28 compartment, 1 week - 4 times a day pill dispenser in the kitchen cabinet. I was appalled, appalled I tell you, to find there were still pills in it. WHY didn't my mom dispose of them as soon as whoever they belonged to died? I mention that because it was buried, as was four, COUNT THEM, FOUR, lemon juice bottles (alright, at least two, a lime juice bottle, and a bottle that is plastic but has the look of a wicker jug that I'm not sure of) shaped like lemons and such. Actually, they weren't buried so much as stuffed behind a Lazy Susan with half of a collection on and surrounding it.

I think I found the lemons first because I called up my friend to complain to her about it.

This was sometime last week. Late last week, if I recall. I just got around to washing them today. Not through the dishwasher but, dish soap and water and then put them in the dish rack to dry.

Once they were dry, along with a tall bottle that was in the kitchen cabinet but originally contained bubble bath and another bottle if sorts that I had originally thought of pairing with another bottle in a cabinet SOMEWHERE before I took another look and saw that that other green bottle was actually a vase, I put them in a moving box that I had put in the next room earlier this day.

I was over at the dining room part of the kitchen (as opposed to the kitchen part of the kitchen) and, setting things up there and picking through a motley inventory of items in a plastic woven green strawberry container when I found another bottle. A teeny bottle. It had some dirt in it and so I decided to see if I could wash it out....I couldn't. The opening at the top is very small and doesn't add water well nor does it drain well. I couldn't really get anything down in the teeny bottle to scrub it out, and, while trying to remove dirt or mould or something from the inside, it occurred to me....

I checked to see if I had the right number of bottles as I gathered the lemon/lime juice containers (that I now noticed were from different parts of Italy...or, at least had different cities' names on them) up out of the box. I brought them into the library here and set them down, grabbed a book and got to checking my theory online.

I had the right amount of bottles. Technically, they, I do not believe, are different sizes, but, they are different shapes, which I can pretend mean different sizes. I had to find that riddle and then appropriately decide bottle placement, and I did.

The next thing to do (I was percolating at this point) was find the best place. I went to the linen closet at the end of the hall on the other side of the house and grabbed the shrink wrapped shelf that just happened to be in there, waiting for it's moment. I had wondered, many times in the past 6 weeks, every time I opened the linen closet door to have that shelf look me in the face, WHAT in the WORLD am I going to do with this (besides just letting it look unused in it's shrink wrap in the linen closet)?

I found it. High, above head level so that nobody will knock into it, in the Slytherin Hall, closest to the dining room part of the kitchen and the Great Hall (because one had to go past the Great hall to go to the basement and the dungeons....but, you already knew that). It will be a perfect fit. No door will swing open to hit it, and it's in it's own nook, almost, not taking up an entire wall or anything.

Ladies and Gentlemen and Follower of This Blog, might I present:

THE SEVERUS SNAPE MEMORIAL!!!!! :D :D :D

Underneath the shelf with the bottles will be the riddle as found in Sorcerer's Stone, done in the LilyUPN font, on a piece of paper, burnt/aged.

I shall post a picture of it when it's finalized.

.....And my mom didn't want me to go through the cabinets....